Too Old For This Crap
by cjfreeman
Summary: Tweek and Craig have been together for years. After all, it's pretty much what everyone expected of them. It's never easy being somebody's rock though, and after so much time Craig can't help but wonder if there's more to life and love than Tweek. That's if he even loves him at all. (My first Creek fic! I hope it's original. Eventually NSFW.)
1. Prologue

**Well, hi there, everybody! Here I go, about to indulge in some shameless Creek bandwagon-ing. I know this ship has been alive and well for years but, of course, TweekxCraig became such a big thing last week and I figure I may as well jump on it while it's riding this wave. Hopefully it will turn into something good. And if not, it's still fun to try a new ship. Let me know what you think. This will most eventually become NSFW in places but we'll just have to see what the coming chapters bring.**

 **Prologue: Tweek**

Every year it had to happen.

Weeks of agitated anticipation for the unsavoury occurrence that always came around in early fall was always a dreaded mark on the calendar. Ominous days filled with absent-mindedly grinding his teeth, pulling at his hair or uncontrollable jittering whilst simply trying to function as any regular human always preceded the unwelcome morning that always came just as the leaves were beginning to change. Any hope of sleep the night before was all but a fantasy despite trying endlessly to lull himself into even an hour or so of blessed slumber. That was never going to have happened though. Experience could have told him that. As the sluggish minutes had pushed ever-slowly onwards into hours the sun eventually rose on the loathsome morning and he knew there was no escaping what was to come. From then the incessant twitching which had become such a well-ingrained part of his character didn't take long to begin.

As if set to a timer, the normal pangs of anxiety began to creep into his strained consciousness as he had lay in bed waiting for the morning light to force him from his safe, warm blankets. Any time there was something that filled him with apprehension he would always be awake several hours before the time came for him to have to spite his better instincts and leave his bed to face whatever it was that seemed to signal his impending doom. It was just the way he was and, as far as he could remember, was simply the way he always had been.

He had always been that weird kid that sat jittering and occasionally bursting out with a strained cry or wild exclamation of some kind. Well, that wasn't entirely true. He had always been pretty jumpy and agitated but its severity was always mediated by the situation. That was to say that there were days when things just seemed unmanageable and he would practically bounce off the walls from the pressure. Other days he would be able to keep calm and keep the anxiety under wraps. Lots of things would dictate how any particular day would go but generally he had been able to find ways of keeping himself from exploding at every little thing that threatened to tip him off of his perch.

Today there was no chance of those methods being completely effective and he knew that as soon as he got out of his bed there was no turning back. Hell, it wasn't really as if he had a choice. These appointments were always going to have to happen and if he decided he just couldn't manage to go then it would only be pushed to some other time and cause him even more worry as he waited. He just had to get it over with and deal with the fallout in whatever way he could manage.

Hearing the faintest bump emanate from somewhere in the house, he knew his mother must have gotten up and that the day's events were now set in motion. It was not something that helped as he tried to mediate the mounting need to shudder as he lay there staring up at the ceiling and he could already feel himself beginning to grit his teeth as thoughts of what he was going to have to talk about began to nag at him. He hated having to delve down into his psyche. He hated having to discuss the way he felt and things that had recently happened in his life with people who seemed to have no right to such information. He hated having to find out about things that were written about him by teachers and counsellors that to them appeared to warrant referral to someone who dealt with crazy people professionally. Who were they to say he needed to have everything he did broken down and analysed by teams of apparently-qualified people who would only tell him the same things he had heard hundreds of times before. He knew he was fucked up. He knew he was some kind of weird, twitchy freak who only by the grace of God had managed to make it this far in life. He knew he had no real way to control some of the things he did despite years of wishing and desperately trying to force himself to be normal. It was just the way he was and he knew he was never going to change. No therapist or doctor or whoever was going to be able to do that. He was damaged beyond repair and, wait-… no, he had never been functioning to begin with, or at least that's what he figured. He had always been a twitchy little nutcase and no amount of trying by any doctor was going to set that right.

With the mounting pressure that seemed to well up inside his head from overthinking and struggling to keep a handle on his nerves, he found himself fighting to keep it from letting itself out. Forcing his mouth to stay closed to prevent any explosive chirps of dread escape and plastering his fists to his sides to keep them from tugging at his hair, he found himself beginning to roll around in his sheets as he tried to focus. This only served to make things worse as it mixed with his exhausted state of mind from the night's lack of sleep. Why did he have to be this way? Why couldn't he handle pressure like everyone else instead of letting it mount up and crush him? Why did he always turn into a jittering, whining mess that was always only a breath away from going into a complete mental breakdown? Why was he always such a goddamn fucking freak?!

The stress that now seemed to be pouring thick and fast into his mind was only halted when he heard a faint but distinctive buzz resonate from his nightstand. Turning his head to its side he stared across the short expanse of bed that lay between him and the small table next to it to see the bright, white light of his phone's screen lit up and signalling outside contact. With a somewhat-steady hand he reached out from his sheet-cocoon of turmoil to grasp for it and slowly he brought it over to where he could see what was waiting for him. The little box on the screen showed the name Craig Tucker at the top before the message began underneath.

In an instant, it felt as if a wave of comfort and relief washed over him as he read the few short words that waited for him there:

"No matter what they say today, you don't need to change. You're perfect."

With a gulp and a deep breath, he let the phone fall to his chest and closed his eyes as he settled back down on his mattress. He had no idea how it was possible but simple words like those from that boy always seemed to suddenly block out all of his anxiety and fear. In fact, it was better than that. They were simply obliterated and all that seemed to remain was a feeling of safety, contentment and the knowledge that he was loved. More to the point, despite being sure of his own weirdness and wishing most of the time he could just be normal, words like those made him feel accepted just as he was. Forget the weirdness, the strangeness, the jitteriness, the crazy outbursts, the things that most people would avoid him for. No matter how nuts he considered himself, he was perfect. A perfect being in the eyes of Craig and that was what made him feel like he could carry on through all of the unrest that made up his tortured mind. Despite mountains of fear and a wish that he could just escape it all that followed him around most days, it was all held at bay when he remembered he was accepted by someone. He wasn't a weirdo. He wasn't an alien. He wasn't a freak or a monster or some kind of lunatic. He was someone that mattered to someone else, even if he didn't matter to himself. He was Tweek Tweak and he was wonderful.

Taking a second to swim in this sudden but surely temporary serenity, he allowed his head to roll over on its side as he opened his eyes to look out across his room. Not much had changed in there over the past few years and even though he was now pushing 18, everything in his room remained much as it had been when he was several years younger. The colour of the walls hadn't changed since he was a kid. The same furniture that had always been there remained in the same places. Aside from a change in posters on the walls and the things he used on a daily basis, everything had remained pretty much unchanged.

All of his stuff remained in various forms of disarray around the room although he liked to think he had gotten better in recent years in keeping it all in order. Perhaps it came from regularly stepping on Lego over the years that finally made him figure that at least clear floor space was something to try and maintain. He'd had tons of Lego and, to his knowledge, he'd never gotten rid of any of it. It used to really help him concentrate and even now as he teetered on the edge of adulthood, he still spent a little time every now and then just absent-mindedly playing with it. He found it funny that something he used to do as a kid still proved so useful to his older self. Keeping the Lego tidy though was something he'd come to learn was necessary. Those little plastic bricks used to get everywhere when he was younger and it is a universally acknowledged truth that they are the most painful thing that can ever be stepped on with bare feet. So, indeed, his room had become more orderly in some ways but still remained disordered in others. Kind of like him as a person really. It was nice to think that his room reflected him so well. Perhaps that was one of the things that helped him remember there were familiar places he could feel safe. In here he knew where everything was and everything that could possibly happen to him. Well, for the most part. There had been times when he hadn't felt so secure in that room. Nowadays it seemed, however, the things that used to cause him unrest such as the Underpants Gnomes or child abductors may have just been his imagination. It was hard to say since so many ridiculous things seemed to go on in the town of South Park but thankfully things in his home seemed to have become a little less nuts in recent years, even if he himself remained perpetually messed up. Not having to worry about anything unexpected really helped when he was having a tough day trying to handle the pressures of life and at least in here he could attempt to forget about all of it.

That being said, no fortress is completely impenetrable and as he continued to move his gaze across his room his eyes inevitably fell on the faintly glowing display of the digital clock on his nightstand. Neon green numbers silently displayed "8:12" and suddenly the cloud he had been laying on disappeared and plummeted him back into terror.

"OH JESUS!" he shrieked before bolting up out of bed and tearing across the room in a panic. Taking a moment to jitter back and forth he did his best to articulate any kind of plan for getting ready on time and, without thinking, his hands found their way into his hair and began to tug. It was something he always did when he was severely stressed out and although he hadn't actually yanked out any clumps of the messy, golden-blonde mess in recent years, it had indeed been known to happen when he was younger and threatened to happen again every time he found himself pulling.

Forcing his hands to release their grip he closed his eyes and groaned whilst trying to focus his energy.

Clothes! That was what he needed!

In an instant he tore open his eyes and bolted for his dresser in search of something that could make him look at least half presentable although most of the time it never really seemed to matter. No matter how hard he tried he always seemed to end up looking only half decent and that was simply one more thing he had to deal with on a daily basis. People had teased him in the past, after all wasn't it kind of a given that gays are meant to look fashionable and cool all the time? He hadn't even considered such a concept until one day when he'd heard some rather cutting comments as he'd passed some cheerleaders in the hall. He'd felt pretty flat for a little while afterwards but it was more the worry of what else they may have been saying about him behind his back that really got to him. Not that being gay was a big deal in South Park anymore. The town had been through who knew how many ridiculous social awakenings of one kind or another and by that point everyone was pretty numbed to the idea of other peoples' differences. He'd never even really taken on the label of 'gay' in his own mind. To be honest, he'd never felt that he'd had some sudden awakening and come bursting out of the closet as he expected perhaps he should have done. He had never figured he'd needed to since he'd always given himself the label of 'weirdo' and hadn't spent much extra time analysing himself. He didn't feel he'd needed to. Still, it was hard for him to feel like he couldn't even do his own sexuality right. It was just one more thing that had put him on edge to add to the ever growing list of reasons for not being able to handle life's pressures. Being 'gay' though was a logical label for him. Even if he didn't really think of himself as gay he figured he just fell into the category anyway, like being 'white' or 'male' or 'mentally fucked'. Perhaps that last one was a stretch but it still seemed just as valid a category for him to fall into as gayness. He liked boys, or more specifically one boy in particular and that's the way it had been since puberty had set in. He'd never needed to question it. He'd had more important things on his mind, like trying not to be a total basket case.

Being a basket case never really seemed to matter to Craig though.

Craig was awesome. Craig was perfect. Craig was everything Tweek wished he could be. He was cool. He was interesting. He was kind of bad boy that on the outside who didn't really seem to give a crap about anything. He was the type that seemed to get into trouble at school on a daily basis but it never really seemed to faze him. Of course, Tweek knew him far too well to know that was true, but it was still something he loved about him. Tweek knew that on the inside Craig could be pretty sweet, although there was no chance that he would ever let it show except to those closest to him. Whether he wanted it or not, Craig had an image and it was one that he just seemed to express to anyone who saw him without really seeming to try. He was so distinctive as a person and despite his pretty difficult upbringing he still somehow seemed to turn out as an awesome guy. On the inside he was genuinely kind. He was caring. And the best thing about him by far in Tweek's mind was that the two of them were together and had been together for years.

That in itself seemed quite an achievement on Tweek's part as he never figured he'd be able to hang onto anyone in a romantic way. Perhaps it was because they'd felt kind of obligated to be together since they were like…10 or something? Neither of them could really remember. It had all started back then though and somehow they had just seemed to develop their relationship from there. The exact point at which they had developed from good friends to genuine boyfriends wasn't clear but it didn't really matter. The fact was that they had now been official, out-and-proud, seriously-dating boyfriends for years and it was definitely something that Tweek wore like a badge of honour. More importantly, Craig was his rock. Whenever he felt everything was just becoming too much, Craig was always there to make him feel safe and secure. In an instant his anxiety would fade, his jitteriness and jumpiness would stop and whether it was real or not, he could feel normal when he was with him. That was the greatest thing about Craig: he made him feel normal. He made him feel loved.

"Tweek?" he heard his mother call from behind his closed bedroom door. How had she snuck up so silently?! "Sweetie? Are you awake?"

"AAH! Yes, mom!" he struggled to call back. "I'm getting dressed!"

"Okay, dear. Coffee's ready downstairs. Better get a move on, we have to leave soon"

"JEEZ! Okay, I'll be out in a second!"

Fuck! How long had he been thinking about Craig? Whipping his head around he shot a glare at the clock on his nightstand and saw that the time was now 8:21. Damn it! He did that so much! One of the ways he dealt with freaking out was to find a quiet, calm place in his mind and more often than not that was to think about Craig. Sometimes a train of thought could distract him and lead him to somewhere pretty far away from what he had been doing. It usually cost him more time than he wanted and right now he was definitely running behind.

Delving into the dresser he pulled out whatever came to hand and somehow managed to throw it on his body in a few short moments. His jitters were certainly starting to take their toll today and unfortunately they resulted in him buttoning up his shirt incorrectly – not at all a very uncommon occurrence for him. Without taking the time to check or run a comb through his hair he left his room, knowing he had to get some coffee in him to try and steady his fraught nerves.

Ahh coffee. That glorious, wonderful elixir that was both his greatest hero and worst enemy. He'd been drinking the beautiful beverage for longer than he could remember and he knew it certainly contributed to his impulsivity and hyperactivity. After all, he may have been akin to a jack-in-the-box on meth but he wasn't an idiot. Still, somehow it seemed to help him concentrate and even though it took virtually gallons of the stuff nowadays to even have the slightest effect it was one of his few saving graces in this terrifying world. Even better, it was practically religion in his house and it seemed there wasn't a single member of his family who didn't swear by it. Whether it was the cause behind his parents running a coffee shop or if the coffee shop had been a driving factor in turning his family into caffeine junkies – he didn't care. All he knew was that there was an uninterrupted supply of coffee into their home and that suited him just fine. If there was a word stronger than 'addiction' he didn't know, but that's what he had. Apparently kids like him were more prone to have addictive personalities, or at least that's what the apparently-trustworthy people he was going to see today would say. Oh, well. Who cares? Fuck them!

The short walk downstairs to the kitchen didn't seem to help too much with steadying his nerves but the scent of fresh brew certainly took a good stab at it. As soon as he entered the room he made a beeline for the pot that sat under the coffeemaker and didn't even acknowledge his dad who sat at the table with the newspaper whilst sipping his own enormous cup of joe.

"Morning, son" he said cheerily whilst clearly keeping his attention focussed on the paper.

"NNG! Good morning!" squeaked Tweek as he shakily poured himself a cup.

"Feeling alright today?" the man said without turning his gaze.

"Fine"

"Fine" he repeated pensively before taking a sip of his java, "fine like the soft grains of sand on an untouched beach on a warm summer's day, or-"

"GAH! Dad!" spurted Tweek with a cringe, "not yet, man! I can't take the metaphors this early!"

Tweek's dad just chuckled, "Just getting warmed up, son. Customers love it"

Tweek just screwed his eyes shut and took a long drink of the hot beverage in his hands. Sweet Jesus, it was good. _Like that first drag on a cigarette in the morning or heroin coursing through a junkie's vein after plunging down on a syringe._ Admittedly he wasn't quite as good with the metaphors as his dad but he certainly felt honest. At least, that's what he figured. He'd never even touched drugs aside from the meds he'd been prescribed over and over again to try and get his anxiety under wraps. He always gave up on those though as soon as they seemed to stop working. Despite being told to persist, something in his mind always told him there was no use in beating a dead horse. No matter which ones he tried they never seemed to work for very long. Some would really perk him up and make his jitters go into overdrive, and some would practically turn him into a stoner. None, however, really seemed to put him somewhere in the middle so he could feel like a normally functioning person. That, and Craig never liked him taking them. He always said they changed him and Tweek knew that if taking a pill was going to upset the one thing, or rather person, that he knew was effective in controlling his screwiness then he was sure as hell going to swear off of it before anyone could ask why. Since that was the case, he'd amassed quite a collection of unopened prescription bottles in his closet upstairs. He'd never really known what to do with them and hiding them away had in the past had shown to provoke far fewer questions than throwing them in the trash.

Lifting his head back up away from the cup and swallowing, he sat silently for a moment as he felt the hot liquid spill down his throat. He knew it wouldn't be long before this wonder-drug took effect and after only a few moments came the very familiar and very welcome period he experienced every morning between when the anxiety jitters stopped and the caffeine jitters kicked in. Of course, the former would eventually rear its ugly head once again and spend the rest of the day hand in hand with the latter and potentially turning him into a complete wreck if he didn't keep tabs on himself. However, for that roughly fifteen minutes every morning between that first sip when the caffeine kicked in he could enjoy just a few moments of calmness and actually think without his anxiety or hyperactivity disrupting it.

Taking a deep breath, he allowed his body to relax and looked out across the kitchen to see his mom entering with her coat and purse over her arm.

"Are you nearly ready to go, sweetie?" she chirped cheerily as she searched for her keys and pottered about doing mom stuff.

"You know, I can go by myself. I'm not a baby" Tweek replied rather calmly, taking advantage of the lucid interval he found himself in to speak with proper measure.

"Well, I just want to make sure you get there, dear"

"Why? Because I'm a flight risk?"

"Well…no. Just in case I'm needed" she said quietly but with a tone that very clearly said _'You're darn right, you are!'_

"Fine" Tweek grumbled before taking another sip. He knew it wasn't worth starting an argument about it. When it came to these appointments he wasn't going to be given any chance to escape. His dad perked up,

"Fine. Fine like the freshly ground Arabica beans hand-chosen by our-"

"JESUS, MAN!" he cried and managing only just to hold back a convulsion over the cringe worthy drivel his dad was once again about to spout about coffee. "Let's just get out of here!"

With that he downed the remainder of his still far-too-hot coffee and headed for the door. It didn't take long for him to grab his coat, get his shoes on the right feet and then head out of the front door leaving his mom to scramble after him as he headed out to the car. Snow crunched under his feet as he headed towards the nondescript silver sedan in the driveway and jumped into the passenger side. He rolled his eyes as he sat there and waited for his mom to emerge from the house as well and knowing it was probably going to be a few minutes before she was completely ready. Letting his head fall back against the headrest he closed his eyes and sighed as he thought about the charade he was about to go through. Every time it was the same thing. He'd be trotted in, sat down in front of the same idiot he'd seen every year since he was 11 and asked about how he was FEELING. Then he'd try and tell him what was wrong with him as if he had no idea and then be told to try a new pill or go for more therapy. Goddamn, it was so fucking stupid! Nothing ever changed and nothing ever would so why didn't they just Xerox his file from last year. Or six months ago. Or whenever the hell it was he'd last had to go. He couldn't remember. It seemed like he'd been through so damn much throughout his life that they all just blended into one.

After a few moments of silent grief he remembered the text message he'd received that morning and immediately went for his phone in his pocket. Flicking through the various screens he made his way to the message and read it to himself once again:

"No matter what they say today, you don't need to change. You're perfect."

He smiled to himself weakly as he tried to find that sense of relief once again. It was hard this time though as now the time to get it over with was drawing near. Already he could hear all of reasons he was going to be told why he was definitely not perfect and in fact, really, really fucked up. He knew he should just try to ignore it but if he did then he knew his parents would get pretty pissed with him for not taking the session seriously. And so, he knew he'd also have to either blindly agree to being told why he was broken and useless or try and fight his corner only to be shot back down. Was it even worth trying? After all, they'd made up their minds that he was a disordered little runt that needed to be fixed and perhaps it would just be easier to let them think they were getting through. Perhaps he should let them. He was definitely fucked up and he wanted to change. Maybe he should just let them pump him full of whatever meds they wanted and allow himself to slip into a numb, quiet, less vibrant world where he might just manage to not be a total spaz.

But then there was Craig. His amazing, brilliant Craig that made him feel like the most important person in the world. How could he possibly allow himself to fall into some grey, drug-fuelled fantasy land and risk losing the connection he shared with his man? He loved Craig. He needed Craig. He couldn't bear the thought of changing and pushing him away. Would Craig even go away if he did end up whacked out pills? Or would he stay and fight to find him again? Tweek didn't know, and in fact he knew that even after having known Craig for pretty much his entire life there were still so many things he didn't know about him. Was that exciting or was it worrying?

Looking down at the message again, he read it through slowly and tried desperately to hold onto it in his mind. Letting his lips spread into a small but unmistakable smile, he decided he didn't care.

Every day of his life he felt as if he were teetering on the edge of a complete, cataclysmic mental breakdown and some days it felt as if nothing was going to stop him from plummeting over that cliff. He'd always lived with the threat of it all becoming too much and on occasion he'd desperately wished he could just escape it all. He didn't really knew what that actually meant and it was a road he'd always avoided going down. He didn't want to think what he might actually need to do in order to escape everything and he'd always felt it would be better to let sleeping dogs lie. Fortunately he'd found a bunch of distractions from those feelings of wanting out at various points in his life and the greatest of all was Craig. Through all of the torment and strife, Craig was the sure-fire answer to his problems. He was the one holding him back from that cliff's edge and some days the only thing standing between him and what seemed like oblivion. Was it wrong to put that kind of responsibility on someone, even if they didn't really know it?

Oh well. Who cares? He was already fucked up. How much more could this hurt?

He knew he wasn't perfect, but Craig thought he was. That was all he needed to feel okay.

 **Prologue: Craig**

How old do you have to be to say "I'm getting too old for this crap"?

Lying awake in his bed with his eyes closed and having just put his phone down, Craig did his best to will himself into waking up. That was a pretty tall order though when you'd been acting as your boyfriend's emotional safety net for the past however many weeks it had been.

Dealing with severe anxiety can be pretty draining, but sometimes when that anxiety is someone else's it can be even harder. That was his life though, and he'd be lying if said it was constantly this bad.

Tweek had always been jittery. There was no arguing with that. Occasionally though there were periods like these when trying to keep him calm was like trying to keep a candle lit whilst carrying it through a carwash. These times were a struggle and he looked forward to when the morning's events were finally over and his boyfriend could go back to quietly simmering instead of boiling over. He had long been Tweek's security blanket for times like these when the pressure was really mounting and he'd come to be able to deal with it as healthily as he could. The worst times when Tweek became nearly inconsolable were fairly rare and most of the time you could barely tell when he was feeling jittery. Unless, of course, you knew the tell-tale signs. There were times like these though when it really became difficult to put up with his anxiety and hyperactivity and it became a struggle to know that he was perhaps the one thing standing in the way of Tweek and complete despair. That was a pretty big responsibility for a high school senior and not one he was completely sure he had willingly accepted.

A sudden rapping on his door jerked him several degrees closer to full consciousness and with a sneer he looked across the room from his bed towards the insulting noise.

"Craig! Get up, boy!" came his father's gruff voice. He didn't have the energy to produce a snide comeback to the moody blowhard of a man and so slowly set about hoisting his heavy, toned body out of bed.

"Did you hear me, young man?! Get your ass up and get ready for school!"

"Christ! Okay!" he shot back to the closed door. His answer seemed to be enough to shift his dad from the other side and send him to somewhere else in the house. Rolling his eyes and letting out a frustrated breath, he sat on the edge of his bed and sleepily ran his hand through his black bed-head. It was tough having an insomniac for a boyfriend as it meant he was practically on duty 24/7 if the other boy needed to talk. In the stressful periods, that turned out to be quite a lot and he was very aware that his sleep deficit was mounting. Hopefully after today he could convince Tweek to let him catch up on some shut-eye. After all, he figured he deserved it after all of the late night comforting. It made him feel good to know he was really helping his boyfriend get through his strife, but it was really hard work sometimes and something he wished he didn't have to deal with so much.

Oh, well. Perhaps that was just the give and take of an adult relationship – if that was what this was. If he wanted the good, he'd have to take the bad, even if the bad sometimes felt like he was trying to disarm an atomic bomb.

Forcing himself up from his mattress, he wandered slowly towards his door in nothing but his boxer shorts and pulled it open. Lurching out into the hall still somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, he pushed onwards towards the bathroom. As usual, when he got there and turned the handle, he found it to be locked and let out a grunt of frustration before resting his forehead against the wood.

"Damn it, Ruby!" he shouted to his sister on the other side who had become quite the image-obsessed teenage girl in recent months. "Move your ass, would ya?"

"Wait your damn turn!" she hollered back making Craig grimace. He didn't have the energy to carry out a fully-fledged argument this morning so he simply left his head where it was as he waited for his annoying sibling to be done.

After a minute or two the door was pulled open to reveal his overly-made up sister accompanied by a choking cloud of hairspray and perfume. Looking up to begrudgingly meet her gaze and coughing a little as he took a lungful of the fumes, he found her staring back with a half-surprised, half-disgusted look about her.

"Oh God! Eww! I don't wanna see any of that! Put some damn clothes on, would you?"

Standing there in nothing but a pair of white boxer shorts, he silently flipped her off and pushed forward into the bathroom, lazily barging past the girl who echoed his sentiments with her own raised middle finger. She left without saying another word. The Tucker family were the masters of the silent flip-off, the gesture having become the go-to response for many occasions when words were in short supply. When the door closed behind him, he stood for a second in front of the bathroom mirror just staring at himself and trying to make sense of the image before him. Faint dark circles surrounded his eyes and his hair was a complete mess. He looked pretty scruffy and could see his Tweek-related duties were taking their toll. It was at that moment though that he felt a smile crack his stoic, sleepy face and he had to chuckle to himself. He looked like a Craig-version of what Tweek looked like every day and it felt kind of sweet to have a little bit of his jumpy boyfriend stare back at him.

Despite all his faults and the amount of energy it took handling that explosive blondie, he still really cared for him and he made him feel pretty special. Most of the time it felt like the support in their relationship was all very much one-way, but he knew that wasn't the case. Family life for Craig wasn't a total thrill ride and having somewhere and someone to go to and make him feel better when things got tough was a real blessing. That, and it was nice having someone so special. Someone who cared for him as much as he cared for them. Someone who knew him better than anyone else. Someone who was excited just to be with him and who occupied so many of his thoughts. Some who looked up to him and idolized him. Someone who made him feel like a hero. Someone he…loved?

In an instant, that good feeling was dampened by that grizzly question that had been plaguing him ever more frequently as of late. Tweek loved him. He knew that. Tweek had loved him for who knew how long and he loved that Tweek loved him. The problem though was that he'd never really thought about love. He'd always just figured he and Tweek were together, it felt good and that was all there was to it. There had never really been more to think about and yet…now it seemed there was.

Did he love Tweek? He was supposed to, right? They'd been in that relationship long enough and felt so strongly for each other that love was surely a given, right? What did love even really feel like? Sure, Tweek was really special and he loved being with him. In fact, he was the only person he'd put everything aside for just so he could be with him. They'd done so much together. They made each other laugh. They'd had so many awesome experiences together and gotten through so many bad ones without breaking up – mostly Tweek's difficult episodes. They had plenty of sex. They had been each other's firsts and had gotten to know each other's bodies so well that screwing around was always pretty great. Being naked and pressed up against each other felt so special and was a feeling like no other he'd ever experienced. He wanted to be with Tweek and didn't want to lose the bond they shared and yet still the question burned…did he love him?

Love was supposed to be when your heart beats only for one person, wasn't it? It was supposed to be when they're the reason you draw breath and you want to shout about how much they mean to you, right? He wasn't totally sure those feelings were there though. Where they should have been he found only uncertainty and, looking himself in the eye in the mirror, he bit his lip apprehensively as he struggled with that feeling that made his stomach feel heavy. There was supposed to be no question over whether he was in love with that scrappy, whirlwind of a boy that filled up his thoughts and to whom he had devoted a great deal of his life. There was the problem though. He'd devoted pretty much the last seven years to him and there had arisen a nagging sensation in the back of his mind that kept asking "Is that all there is?"

He felt pretty crappy about that. After all, he had all he could ever need with Tweek. Someone that was devoted to him and would do just about anything for him. And yet, they'd been together for so long and he'd only ever experienced the parts of the life that deal with dating, love and sex with him. He'd been wondering for a while now if there was more that he was missing. After all, he didn't really have any kind of reference to work off of. All he'd known in that regard was Tweek and, although that was wonderful, he just couldn't help wondering what there was to see and feel with others. Was there more? Could there be much more? He didn't know, but try as he might to ignore those new feelings, he couldn't help but wonder. And still, the most important question remained on top of all of it: Did he love Tweek?

Why was it so hard to simply say yes or no?

God, he was a bastard! How could he be thinking about things like that? Tweek was great! He felt like a traitor for even allowing himself to mull these things over.

Looking away from himself and shaking his head, he cleared those troubling thoughts and turned on the shower. Slipping off his boxers and jumping under the warm water he did his best to wash out the birds nest that was his hair and encourage his body to come to life. Perhaps he could also wash those burdensome feelings away as well and, with a little luck, perhaps they would stay away for a while.

However, if recent experience was anything to go by, it wouldn't be long before they found their way back.

 **Tweek**

Sitting silently in the waiting room, Tweek did his best not to let any groans or yelps escape from his mouth. His jitters had come back as soon as they'd arrived at the hospital and they'd really flown into full swing when they'd gotten to the door and he'd read the sign:

'Dr. Mitchell O'Neill MD. Psychiatric Services'

He was always majorly on-edge whenever he crossed over the threshold into the doctor's waiting room as he had always wondered if they had hidden cameras watching him. He never mentioned that during his sessions though. He didn't want them to think he was even more nuts than they already knew. He knew they thought he was a total loony and he didn't want to give them a final reason to send him off to the loony bin. He had to try and be normal whilst in here although there was a good chance that his stupid body or brain was going to betray him.

Whilst his mom had set about filling in some forms on his behalf he hadn't wasted any time in heading over to the machine in the corner of the waiting room and vending some swill that resembled coffee. God, it was gross! It would have to do for now though. Only about a minute or so went by before he'd downed the entire cup and was heading up for another.

By the time he was on his fifth or sixth, he decided any more would probably tip him over the edge into some place where he couldn't control his jitters with sheer willpower. He'd already wound himself up enough during the past week or so. Now they wanted to release him and watch him go like a toy race car. Well, he wasn't going to willingly let them have the satisfaction. He had to fight to stay calm. Or whatever calm meant for him.

"Tweek?"

"GAH!" he suddenly yelped as he was snapped out of focussing on relaxation. Looking across the room with wide eyes and an unmistakeable tremor, he saw the warm, smiling face of the psychiatrist he'd been seeing since he was a kid. "AH! Hi, Dr. O'Neill" he spouted before noticeably twitching a few times. So much for trying to hide his nerves.

"How you doing, buddy?" the doctor said as he came over to shake Tweek's hand.

"Fine" he managed to reply and knowing there was absolutely no chance that his outward appearance was going to express the same sentiment.

"Good, good. And Mrs. Tweak, so nice to see you again" the tall doctor carried on as he turned to the smiling woman next to Tweek. The two began their idle chit-chat as they usually did whilst he simply sat there and waited to be hauled into the room where it would be just the doctor and him.

'Just relax' he thought as he stared down at the floor and tried to control his breathing. There wasn't anything new about any of this. He'd done it so many times before and he knew that he just had to get through it. Just an hour yet and he'd be free for another year or so.

Reaching into his pocket as his mom and the doctor continued to chat he pulled out his phone hoping there might be something else from Craig waiting for him. He was left feeling a little let down when there was nothing but the empty lock screen staring back at him and quietly placed it back in his pocket. Oh well. At least he still had the message he'd received earlier that morning to keep him company despite how its effectiveness seemed to be waning. He couldn't wait to get out of here and get back to his boyfriend. He just wanted to be with someone who wouldn't make him feel like a freak. Someone who could let him feel normal at least for a little while.

At least he had that evening to look forward to. Craig and his best friends, Token and Clyde, had promised to take him out somewhere to help him forget about all of the mess he was going through. It gave him a lot of relief to know that that was his reward for the past weeks' anguish. Still, he couldn't help feel a little guilty about having forced them all to share in his turmoil. When it wasn't Craig keeping him under control, it was usually one of those two and he always felt sort of guilty whenever he was acting up. Not that he could help it, but he wasn't so self-centred that he wasn't concerned for their well-being as well. In fact, he cared much more about them not getting overly annoyed with his anxiety than keeping tabs on himself. Ultimately it all proved rather circular. He would become overly anxious, his friends would try and help, he would feel guilty about them having to look after him, he would become more anxious, and so on. It really was a crap deal for everyone involved but he tried to make himself remember that they were happy to do it, or at least it seemed they were. He figured he must have won the life lottery to actually find friends that would go so far to keep him sane, especially considering how much of a crackpot he saw himself as. They were really cool, and certainly another couple of saving graces for his topsy-turvy mind.

"Okay, well, we can't carry on like this all day" he heard to doctor say, snapping him out of his focus. "Ready when you are, buddy"

'Fuck you, Dr. O'Neill!' he thought to himself. 'I'm not your buddy! I know what your game is, man! I know what you're trying to do!'. He knew he was going to be analysed like some strange bacterium under a microscope, as if the doctor was going to try and decide whether or not he posed a threat to society. 'Well, not today, asshole!' He had to step up now and try to force himself to behave. Even if he was going to go down in flames, he wasn't going to go without a fight.

"Let's do this!" he said with conviction before hopping up and walking as stoically as he could into the waiting office.

 **Craig**

"Hey, man." Craig said as he fell into Token's car.

"'Sup?" replied the cheery-as-always boy that sat in the driver's seat. "How's it going?"

Craig just gave him a half-hearted stare and Token could see he looked pretty haggard. He knew Tweek had been draining him recently and he returned the sleepy gaze with a gentle smile before turning away and pulling the Mercedes away from the curb.

The two drove in silence to the end of the street before Token piped up again as he made the turn in the direction of their school.

"You wanna go through the drive-thru or anything? You look like you could use some coffee"

Craig huffed. "Nah. Let's just go. I think I might sleep through math anyway"

"You really think you can afford to?" Token teased, receiving a raised middle finger in reply. "I'm just saying, man, it couldn't hurt to pay attention every now and then"

"What are you? A guidance counsellor suddenly?"

"Hey, senior year, man. Grades matter this year"

"Meh. I'll be…fine…probably…"

"You even planning on going to college?"

"I…I, yeah…I guess…" was all Craig could reply with as he stared out of the window. Token watched him for a moment before looking back at the road and could tell something was up. The two had been friends for years and he could always tell when something was bothering him. Much of the time Craig would come to him with his problems instead of Tweek as he knew his boyfriend couldn't always handle it. That, and the two just seemed to click really well. They got each other and could always figure out what the other needed to hear.

"Something up?" Token asked, already knowing the answer.

"Nah"

"Is it Tweek?"

"Nothing's up"

"It's okay to say he's getting to you. Hell, I'm pretty sure even he would be okay with you admitting it"

Craig just sat silently for a moment. Yes, it definitely was Tweek, or rather the same stupid thoughts that had been bugging him lately. Did he really want to farm this out someone else though?

"It's…nothing" Craig replied before abruptly changing the subject to talking about anything other than Tweek. Token just rolled his eyes knowingly and carried on driving. It was never a good idea to push Craig. After all, he didn't want to end up in a fight. A fight with Craig always usually escalated to some degree of violence as he had never been particularly good at vocalizing his grievances. Not that such a fight would ever really threaten their friendship but Craig had never been one to readily open up about his problems, or at least not about the more serious ones. If someone wanted him to open up, they had to let him do it in his own time. Otherwise a fist would probably be heading in their direction before long.

It wasn't long before the two of them pulled into the high school parking lot and began to get out. All around them were the cars of other students and their occupants lazily making the Monday morning march towards the large building up ahead. Here and there were various friendship groups idly chatting or just staving off entering the school for as long as they could. It was pretty cold out here though and it was clear that most had opted for the warmth of the indoors. With a fatigued sigh, Craig heaved his backpack out of the foot well and closed his door before turning and looking up at the school as he waited for Token. School had only started a few weeks beforehand but already it was getting tough. Token was right, this year did matter and he did want to do well. After all, the next step after this was college and he really wanted to get into a good school. Having a boyfriend so jittery though was an added pressure that he could probably do without.

Oh God! What an awful thought! Was he seriously thinking about whether life would be that much easier without Tweek? Did he honestly think that-…Oh, fuck it. Of course he was thinking about it. There was no use in pretending to himself that he wasn't. It may have been the cause of a lot of internal conflict for him lately but he sure as hell wasn't the kind of guy to lie to himself.

'Just try and forget about it' he thought as he reached up and rubbed his eyes and then, succumbing slightly to the strain, ran his hand through his hair and sighing exasperatedly. Turning round to look at Token, he was met with the sight of his friend looking at him with a look that said 'Are you seriously not gonna tell me?'

"Oh, shut up!" he said before turning and walking away. Token just chuckled and followed after him knowing that nothing needed to be said.

The two walked in silence as they made their way to the front door and for Craig that made the elephant in the room even bigger. Should he just get it out in the open? After all, there was no way he was going to figure out the answers he needed on his own. How would Token react though? He was just as much Tweek's friend as he was his. Then again, Token always seemed to be able to put these things in a new light and there was no chance he would tell Tweek if he was sworn to secrecy, no matter how hard the news was.

Shit. What was he supposed to do?

As they climbed the steps up to the front door, Craig paused as Token reached out and pulled it open. Looking back when he realised Craig wasn't right beside him, he turned and just looked at him without saying a word. The two remained that way for a moment, silently, as if each one was waiting for the other to blink.

With a strained gulp, Craig eventually closed his eyes and exhaled in defeat.

"Token, what would you think if I said I was thinking about-"

"Hey, fellas!" came a bubbly and far-too-cheery voice from behind him. "Nice day, huh?"

Craig groaned. "Not this early, Butters!" he grumbled before stepping toward the door to get away from the perky doofus that now stood next to him.

"Well, alrighty then!" came Butters' not-to-be-brought-down reply. "Mornin', Token!"

"Yeah, morning" Token replied feeling similarly unready to deal with Butters' perkiness before breakfast. Holding the door open he let Craig pass by with Butters tottering along behind him into the nondescript hallway. He watched for a moment as Craig marched away towards his locker and then just sighed as he wondered what it was Craig had been about to say. Hopefully it wouldn't take him long to bring it up again. Then again, when it came to Craig, who knew?

 **And there we go. How's that for starters?**

 **So, could this be a thing? Are you already bored silly? I hope not. I have plans for what this could become and I really hope I'm not copying something that's already been done. If I have then I'm super sorry. I haven't read tons of Creek stuff so if I have then please rest assured that it wasn't intentional. If by some miracle you liked this though, let me know in the review box and I'll keep ploughing away at it. 'Til next time! X**


	2. Freak Tweek

**Hey guys! Glad to have you back. Thank you so much to everyone who read the first chapter and liked it. Thank you so so so much to Spice of Life and Sarah who left reviews! They were so nice and gave me a real kick in the butt to write. Hope you guys like this one too.**

 **NSFW begins in this chapter. Earlier than I expected but whaddayagonnado?**

 **Too Old For This Crap**

 **Chapter 2: Freak Tweek**

 **Tweak**

"Nng! No! I don't wanna kill myself!"

It had been going on like this for a while now. Trying to explore new avenues of thought and new areas of diagnostic criteria that might lead to a few more notes on his file detailing his lunacy. After the initial pleasantries had been gotten through it had only taken a little while to review old ideas and then press on with the same bullshit as always. For fuck sake, they couldn't they change the record?!

"Okay. I just have to ask since kids on Prozac sometimes show increased signs of psychosis and maybe even have ideas about suicide. Have you been feeling depressed at all, Tweek?"

"Jesus, man! No! I feel just fine"

"Okay. But you know, if you ever were starting to feel kinda down you really have to talk to someone, okay?"

"Okay! Fine!"

When was he just going to let it go? Yes, he was jittery as hell but he wasn't about to off himself. What a ridiculous thing to suggest! Then again, short of revealing he hadn't been taking any of his meds since he 'd been prescribed them there really wasn't any effective way of avoiding the awkward questions about whether or not he wanted to throw in the towel on a permanent basis.

With a sigh and a slow, hard swallow, Tweek did his best to steady his nerves and carry on with the session. It wouldn't be long now before it was over and he could be free. Then he could get back to his normal life again. His shaky, frightening and all-round screwy life. Oh well. At least it was better than sitting in that office and putting up with stupid questions about his chaotic mind.

"You really don't like coming here, do you, Tweek?" said Dr. O'Neill after a moment's silent contemplation.

'No shit!' he thought as he looked up to meet the warm and yet still somehow intimidating man sitting before him.

"No."

"May I ask why?"

"I hate being told I'm a freak". It made him feel kind of sad to admit, but it was the truth. Every time he came here he always left feeling like the lowest creature on the planet. The doctor just smiled warmly and carried on in a voice that surprisingly had no hint of patronization.

"I don't think you're a freak, Tweek"

Freak Tweek. Did he have to say it that way? It made him shudder just to run it through his mind – although hopefully it wasn't noticeable through his already visible jitters. Freak Tweek had been a name he'd been given sometime around sixth or seventh grade and, though he heard it less frequently nowadays, it had persisted all the way into high school. When it had first started, kids used to say it all the time whenever he became extremely panicky and it only ever seemed to make things worse. He still had terrifying, torturous memories of being hunched in a ball on the floor while the other kids circled around him and chanted 'Freak Tweek' over and over. Over time it had become more of a pet name and had started to bother him less. It still cut a little though on the rare occasion it would now come up.

Once last year in eleventh grade he had been having a tough couple of days where his anxiety had really been getting the better of him. Between periods he had returned to his locker to find the moniker scrawled in dry-erase ink across the front of the metal door. Seeing it written there in big, black letters had really stung, especially since he hadn't heard or seen it for quite some time. He'd hoped it had been completely forgotten by that point and yet there it was, staring him in the face and reminding him what people really thought. He hadn't cried, but he had absent-mindedly bitten his lip so hard as he tried to deal with the thought that he had nearly drawn blood. He'd only been snapped out of it when the girl whose locker was next to his snapped him out of his shameful trance. The girl was Wendy Testerburger and she had always been one of the more understanding people in his life as he had been growing up. They weren't now or had ever been really close but she always seemed to understand how difficult it was for him just to get through each day and he always appreciated her kindness. She had done her best to make him feel better when she'd seen him quietly cut up by the offensive scrawl although there was nothing she could have really done to make it better. She had, however, been able to identify the culprit from the handwriting and it hadn't taken long for him to tell Craig who shortly thereafter delivered a swift punch to the stomach of the fat bastard who had written it. Craig had gotten in trouble for that, but Eric Cartman had always been one to whine when his actions came back to bite him in the ass.

Eric Cartman – or just Cartman as he was known to most – was pretty much despised by everyone in his school although the fat turd never seemed to take that fact on board. After having received a ton of abuse over the years, Tweek and his closest friends had had little to do with him and did their best to avoid his poison. Sometimes it had been pretty difficult though and if Tweek's anxiety alone hadn't been target enough for his jibes, the fact that he and Craig were the token gay guys in their grade had led them to be targeted even more. Cartman had gone on and on over the years about how both of them were extremely attracted to him and desperately wanted to fuck him. The idea of actually touching the morbidly obese asshole made both of them feel physically sick but it was well known that trying to argue with Cartman was exactly what he wanted and it was always better just not to engage him. Craig always seemed very adept at ignoring him and Tweek tried his best to do so too. Besides, they knew the truth, and knew there wasn't a Popsicle's chance in hell that either one of them would ever let him near them.

Still, being targeted for being gay as well as for having a pretty disabling anxiety disorder took its toll sometimes and he knew when the two were combined to make him feel like garbage, they really were effective. As if he didn't feel like enough of a freak for one reason alone.

"Tweek?" he heard the doctor say, snapping him out of a daze.

"Huh?" he replied, wondering if the doctor had said anything in the interim.

"I said I don't think you're a freak"

"Oh, right. Thanks, I guess…"

The doctor paused again giving him a contemplative look. "Did you have a little blackout there, buddy?"

"What?! What are you talking about?"

"Just then. There was a pretty long pause when you seemed like you were somewhere else"

"What?! Jesus, man! No. I was just side-tracked for a second"

"Uh huh. And do these little side-tracks happen often?"

"Oh, God…!" moaned Tweek as he exasperatedly let his head fall into his hand and forced the other to stay away from tugging at his hair.

The rest of the session passed just as he expected it would: slow and irritating. When the hour was up, the doctor invited his mom into the room with them to discuss what he thought about managing Tweek's anxiety and as usual the same garbage about medication and cognitive behavioural therapy came up. Eventually the long list of his attempted medications came to be recited and he rolled his eyes as he'd heard all of the name read out in order: Ritalin, Concerta, Strattera, Zyban, Tenex and Catapres for his ADHD, and when those hadn't worked: Celexa, Prozac, Lyrica, BuSpar for his anxiety disorder, as well as Xanax for the times when he was feeling extremely nervous and began to lash out. He'd been warned many times that Xanax was only for those really desperate moments and wasn't something he needed to take all the time. He'd grown pretty tired with being warned about using it and it was that one in particular that Craig said really whacked him out. That's why he didn't take it. If only they'd known that the pills they gave him generally tended to end up in his closet, then perhaps they wouldn't bother to spend so much time talking about it. Tweek remained quiet and tuned them out as he waited for the last few minutes to tick by and, with feigned sentiments on his part, he and his mom parted ways with the doctor with the promise of returning in about a year's time or sooner if he felt the need. 'Yeah, as if I'd come back before I have to' he'd thought.

When they got into the car, his mom asked him if he'd brought everything he needed for school and he simply told her 'yes' not really knowing if he had or not. Forcing the same old answers to questions about his session his mom asked as she drove him to school, he let his mind float away as best he could as he tried to let the stress of the visit to the psychiatrist dissipate. Admittedly he felt a great deal calmer that he was now away from that place and was heading away to be with his friends again. At least now they could all go back to normal with him being only slightly tense instead of a nervous wreck that seemed like he was going to pop at any minute. He really did owe those guys a great deal of gratitude for putting up with his restlessness and he owed a great deal in particular to his amazing boyfriend.

Oh Craig. That tall, handsome soldier that he could always rely on to make him feel better about himself. He always seemed to stay so calm and steady throughout Tweek's highly-strung periods and was always available to bring him back down to earth when he went off like a rocket ship. He'd have to do something for him to let him know how thankful was. In fact, he'd probably have to do something for Token and Clyde as well considering they'd certainly been in the splash-zone for his jitter-jamboree. Still, Craig would come first and he knew he'd have to let him know that his solidarity was more than appreciated.

How though?

That was a pretty difficult question and not one that he was ever really able to provide a quick answer for. His boyfriend was quite an enigma when it came to gift giving or anything like that and Tweek always had trouble trying to think of things he could do for him. Craig had interests for sure but they weren't really things for which you could buy stuff.

Craig was difficult to put into a category as he seemed to take a little of everything when it came to pass-times. He was a pretty good artist and could regularly be found doodling something kind of dark and cool. He was pretty into music as well although Tweek knew that he only decided for himself what he wanted to listen to. He was good at sports although Tweek was less than useless when it came to knowing what to buy for him in that regard. That, and it seemed more like something he did to keep his dad off his back for some of the time rather than actually enjoying it. Indeed, Craig was a tough one to buy for and that only served to make Tweek feel pretty dumb for never being able to come up with something.

Who said he had to buy something though? Perhaps they could do something together, or with all four of them or even more people. Craig seemed to love hanging out and doing something cool so maybe that was a way to go. With what money would he actually pay for some grand outing like that though? He sure as hell didn't have hundreds of dollars to spend at a moment's notice. Besides, they were already heading out somewhere that evening to blow off some steam so that idea was a bust too.

With a sigh, he turned his eyes from looking out the side window to the road ahead and figured a well-deserved blowjob would probably have to do for now until he could think of something better. Not that that would be unwelcome by any means as they hadn't been doing it much in the preceding weeks as he'd drawn ever closer to his psychiatric evaluation. He'd been too on edge to even think about it and he really hoped he hadn't made Craig's balls too blue during that time. Hell, now that he thought about it, it seemed his own downstairs business could use a good workout after a couple week's inactivity and as the thought of what they might get up too later that night took over, so too did the corners of his mouth start to pull upwards.

"Now that looks better", said his mom after a few moments as she briefly glanced it him. "Feel better now, hun?"

"Yeah, I think so" he replied, hoping she couldn't figure out what he was thinking about or notice him sitting uncomfortably in an attempt to hide any hint of arousal.

"Feel like you can manage today?"

"I manage most days, don't I?"

"You sure do", she said contentedly as they slowed down and pulled up outside the school.

After grabbing his bag and giving his mom a hug, he stepped out of the car and watched her drive away before turning around to look up at the school. With a sigh, he pushed forward and tried to forget about the prying questions that were going to come from other students as to why he was late. He knew from experience that it was best not to mention he'd been to see a shrink as that would only lead to assumptions that he was some schizophrenic whackadoodle that at any moment might pull out a gun and start shooting. They could really let their imaginations run riot sometimes and he really didn't want to give them any more reason to avoid him than they already did. Well, they didn't so much avoid him but it was common knowledge that was pretty jumpy and those who didn't know him so well always approached him with caution as if he were a time bomb that might go off at any second. He figured there was a hint of truth in their somewhere although it was best to keep that on a need-to-know basis.

Pushing through the front door, he decided to skip going to his locker and headed straight for biology. He was going to be late either way and figured he may as well get the awkward stares over with sooner rather than later. Making a few turns down various hallways, he eventually arrived at the door to the science lab. With a steadying breath and a conviction to try and keep his jitters at bay, he pulled open the door and stepped inside to be greeted, as he expected, by the silent staring faces of everyone in the room due to his clearly having walked in during the middle of the lesson. Trying to ignore them, he delved into his pocket searching for the note that would get him out of a tardy slip and tentatively handed it to the teacher at the front before scrambling away to his bench and trying to disappear.

After a few seconds that seemed to take several hours to pass, the teacher simply put the note down and carried on with whatever it was he had been teaching. After a few moments, he heard his walnut brown-haired lab partner lean over from the left and whisper.

"Hey. How'd it go?"

"Same as always, I guess. Thanks for asking though"

"They ready to put you a straightjacket yet?"

"Shut up" he whispered with a smile and a gentle shove. "You better hope they're not or else I might flip out on you"

"It's cool, man. I've been ready to tackle you and drag you off to the nuthouse for weeks"

"Screw you!" he said with a snigger and making just a little too much noise to go unnoticed. Hearing the teacher stop, he looked up to see a stern glare directed at him and the dreaded feeling of being busted slowly started to creep in. As expected, the unamused teacher spoke up.

"Tweek, if coming into my classroom late and interrupting my lesson wasn't enough, do you think it's really in your best interests to cause yet more disruption?"

"No" he replied glumly, hoping a detention wasn't coming his way.

"No what?"

"No, Mr. Moore"

"Can I expect you to be quiet for the rest of the class or would you rather carry on talking and come back to have the lesson again after school?"

"I'll be quiet, sir"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

"Yes what?"

"Yes, sir"

With an unconvinced look, the teacher once again turned away and carried on, leaving Tweek to hope Clyde wasn't planning to deliberately get him into trouble. If he were then it certainly wouldn't have been the first time his friend had decided to mess with him. He'd been holding off from doing so in recent weeks though. Perhaps now that the big moment had come and gone Clyde figured it was time to let him have it and it made him grimace to think that perhaps he had saved up enough devious, albeit good-natured energy designed to prank him or give him the run around that he would now let loose.

Ah well. That was just Clyde Donovan and he found it pretty cool. He was really fun and could always perk him up. They had been good friends for less time than he and Craig but they had nonetheless come to be pretty important figures in each other's lives. Something in both Tweek in Clyde resonated in each other and they seemed to share an understanding of what it was like to press on through life whilst being pretty fucked up on the inside.

From the outside, it was probably pretty hard to tell Clyde had a good deal of internal torment. After all, he was a very attractive boy and had a surprisingly sharp sense of fashion. That, and he always wore a look of laid-back contentment that seemed to signal that everything in his life was pretty sweet. He'd known tragedy though, that was for damn sure and, if you got to know him, it wouldn't take too long before being able to see the cracks in his demeanour. Clyde's mom had died horribly in some accident at home that Tweek didn't really know all the details of. All he did know was that it had happened in their family bathroom and Clyde had witnessed the whole thing. For whatever reason he seemed to blame himself and although it had happened years ago he still seemed to carry it out around with him. It was a sadness in him that he just couldn't shake off and although he remained as chipper as anyone else for the most part, to his closest friends there was always an inner pain that could reveal itself at any moment. For that reason, he and Tweek shared an unspoken bond and somehow seemed to support one another in the knowledge that life was hard and they just had to get through it somehow.

Turning his gaze to the now open textbook on the bench before him, he did his best to avoid the boy in the next seat despite how much him just being himself made Tweek want to laugh.

 **Craig**

"What the hell is this supposed to be?" Craig asked to the table as he sat down and picked up something from his tray that sort of resembled pizza.

"Looks like a piece of a FedEx box, or something?" said Token as he opened up some Tupperware he brought from home. The removal of the plastic lid revealed a chicken and walnut salad that beat the cafeteria food in quality by a mile.

"You wanna trade?" Craig asked as he eyed the appetizing contents of his friend's meal.

"You touch this and I'll destroy you", replied Token, shielding his lunch from Craig's hungry stare.

Craig just huffed and set his gaze on the cardboard mess before him and tentatively nibbled at the three-dollar lunch.

A moment later, he noticed a few of the others at their table look up and acknowledge the arrival of a couple more of their peers and, noticing a familiar presence land on the seat beside him, glanced to the side with a slightly-less-sleepy-than-earlier smile.

"Hey, babe"

"Hey, snookums" the blonde boy replied. The pair snickered before exchanging a quick kiss and ended up leaning against one another for a moment as Tweek greeted the rest of the table. They never used names like 'babe' or 'darling' or 'sweetheart' for each other, except mockingly. Craig was absolutely not the type to be lovey-dovey or overly affectionate in public and Tweek was happy to let him maintain his cool – if sometimes downright frosty – exterior out in the open.

"How was it?" Craig asked quietly as Clyde sat down on the other side of the table and the general chitter-chatter resumed.

"Ah, you know. I'm totally nuts and they're just about ready to cart me off. The usual."

"Wouldn't have you any other way"

"Ha. Like you have a choice" Tweek said cheerily before jumping into the conversation with the rest of the table.

Craig sighed internally as he tried to do so too. Tweek was right: he didn't really have a choice. It wasn't that Tweek's anxiety bothered him, or that being with him was sometimes like trying to pin down a jackrabbit on cocaine. He would have him any way at all and he had absolutely no problem with that. The issue was that he just didn't know if it was ultimately enough and that in itself was not something he could easily measure in his mind. Tweek being Tweek was great and he had a great deal of affection for his lively boyfriend. He loved that he was jumpy, and jittery, and kind of a fruitcake. That paled in comparison though to how on the other hand he was so kind, and caring, and made him feel needed. For all of Tweek's bad, there was a mountain of good to counter it and Craig loved that.

That was it though. He loved those things about Tweek and, as he turned his gaze to the smiling, albeit overly excited boy next to him, he couldn't deny the dreaded feeling that once again surfaced somewhere in the pit of his stomach. He didn't know if he loved him.

Looking away, he was met with the solid, steely eyes of Token who didn't need to say a word to get his point across. He had stopped eating and was holding his fork motionlessly above his salad bowl as he silently stared at his friend and conveyed his message without a whisper: 'I know there's something on your mind. Are you ready to tell me yet?'

Craig tilted his head slightly as he echoed the stare. He could do this just for as long as Token and over the years these staring battles had become commonplace in their everyday interactions. Craig knew Token was usually the victor in the end but he wasn't going to go down without a fight. He had to hold onto some small shred of pride before he gave in and at least could feel like he'd put up a good fight before caving in.

Like both a blessing and a curse, their wordless interaction was suddenly broken with a rather unpleasant arrival.

"Hey, gaywads. How's it hanging?" came the whiny, braggart-y voice of the fat gasbag for whom Craig rarely had any time. The seat he took groaned as his enormous weight was rested upon it and the table's occupants quietly and crabbily returned fragments of greetings before resigning to allowing their new member to arrogantly change the subject. "Oh man, did anyone else see Justin Bieber's naked pics on the internet yet? I'm can't believe how much bigger my dick is that his!"

The whole table just shuffled uncomfortably.

"Why did you look for naked pictures of Justin Bieber?" Craig asked after a moment or two, wondering why on earth Cartman would bring something like that up out of the blue.

"It's like all over the internet right now, bro. You, like, can't avoid it. And I'm just saying, my package is way sweeter than his"

"Why are you telling us that?" Craig continued in that same, monotonous tone that he always used to call Cartman out on his bullshit.

"I'm just saying, man. And don't pretend like you haven't seen it! I bet you couldn't wait to jerk off over his gay ass, you filthy fucking faggot"

"I haven't seen it" Craig replied, trying not to become incensed by the slur. It was pretty commonplace for Cartman to be honest.

"Whatever, man" said Cartman changing his tone to one of light, self-satisfied, feigned disinterest. "But you should know, leading a secret life of jerking off to celebrities on the internet will only hurt your lover" he mocked as he gestured to Tweek. "But then again, queers are always dirty cheaters and so maybe you two are already long past that"

"Shut up, fatass!" shot a smaller, redheaded boy a few places along from Cartman. "You don't know shit about relationships, let alone about same-sex couples"

"Oh, boy, and here comes Kyle, everybody!" said Cartman with affected irritation. "Everyone listen up for the speech from the all-knowledgeable Encyclopedia Jew-tanica"

"Fuck you!" spat the fiery boy as he and Cartman began their daily episode of ranting and raving at each other. It was something that they all pretty much just accepted nowadays and would simply have to let pass before they could carry on. Craig turned to Tweek as it pushed onwards to make sure everything was okay, although he knew Tweek didn't take Cartman's crap to heart anymore.

"You okay?"

"Oh sure. It's Cartman. What are you gonna do?"

"Yeah. Anyway, you all set to head out tonight?"

"Yeah, definitely. Where are we going?"

"I figured we'd go get some dinner, maybe head to the bowling alley or the movies or something. Or maybe we could just go hang out somewhere. It's all pretty much up to you, you know, I figured we'd do something you wanted since you've been having a rough time lately"

"It's cool. I'm up for whatever. And to be honest I'm looking forward to afterwards, if you know what I mean"

"Oh yeah" said Craig with an intrigued grin, "What did you have in mind?"

"Oh, wouldn't you like to know?" said Tweek as he linked his fingers into Craig's under the table. "I figured we deserved to get a little crazy after kind of a long dry spell"

"Fair warning: I'm pretty pent up so you might not be able to walk right for a few days"

"Oh Jesus!" whispered Tweak with a giggle but with a very faint hint of genuine worry. He really hoped he wouldn't be banged so hard that people might notice him walking funny. That was something for which he'd definitely not want to make up a story to cover his ass - literally. "Well, remember, I'm only human"

"Well, I'm not sure I will be when we're alone" Craig said into Tweek's ear before biting his earlobe gently and eliciting a half giggle/half scream from his boyfriend.

"Eww! God!" suddenly barked Cartman. "Would you two please keep your queer stuff private?! Nobody wants to see you swapping AIDS in the cafeteria, you goddamn butt pirates!"

"Hey, fuck you, Cartman!" Craig said annoyedly with the fat load now starting to get to him. Rather than stay and argue though he decided to ditch the rest of his crappy lunch, give Cartman the finger, and pull his boyfriend away so they wouldn't have to take that dumbass's vitriol for the rest of the period.

Heading out of the cafeteria and out of the back door, the two boys walked hand in hand across the concreted seating area and out towards the benches which looked toward the football field and then out towards the mountains in the distance. Pulling Tweek over to one of the benches, Craig sat him down and pulled him close to keep him warm in the crisp October air. It was never easy to tell whether Tweek was shaking from the cold or his anxiety so it was usually a good idea to cover all the bases. Fortunately for him, he was pretty tall – the tallest guy in their year, in fact – and Tweek's head always rested perfectly against his shoulder when he had his arm around him.

"You know, I really hate that asshole sometimes" Craig said after a few moments of silence.

"Yeah. Well, he's got enough problems, I guess"

"You ever notice how he brings up weird things about gay people and stuff without really any warning?"

"I figure he's just trying to get a rise out of us"

"I guess. Does it ever get to you?"

"Hm. Sometimes. I guess we've had enough of it that it turns into white noise after a while"

"I guess you're right"

The two sat in silence again for a few moments as various kids unknown to them wandered past, some giving them curious looks, some not. Despite the whole town not really caring about anyone being different, high school was still high school and seeing two boys holding each other affectionately was still a little uncommon, even for them. Craig didn't care though. He'd never really cared what anybody thought about him and wasn't going to start anytime soon. Hell, if boy-girl couples could go around making horrendous public displays of affection then he figured he sure as hell wasn't going to worry about hugging his boyfriend where everyone could see.

"So really, how was it today?"

Tweek sighed quietly as he settled into Craig's comforting embrace.

"Sucky. I really hate having them tell me I'm so weird. I mean, I know I'm weird so why rub salt in the wound?

"We're all weird in our own way. Why worry?"

"I know, it's just…I hate them telling me I'm like…abnormal…you know. I mean, I just hate when they tell me I need to be fixed. I know I do, but it's never gonna happen. I wish they'd just leave me alone"

"I don't think you need to be fixed. You know you're perfect, right?"

Tweek grumbled, "I think you know very well that I'm not perfect. Hell, I'm not even okay, I'm-"

"Shh" said Craig giving him a gentle squeeze. "You're perfect for me".

"Thanks" Tweek replied. "I love you"

"Aww, shucks!" said Craig goofily and giving him a playful nudge. It made Tweek giggle and gave him the escape he needed from having to echo the sentiment. He felt he should have said it back, but he didn't want to lie. He always did something like that in those situations when he might be forced to say it. He'd managed to find ways to dodge reciprocating whenever it came up and, although he was pretty savvy at doing so, it made him feel pretty rotten. It wasn't fair for Tweek not to hear it back but he just didn't know what to do. At least for now he'd managed to get by without having to lie and hopefully he'd be able to carry on doing so.

The two boys stayed together on the bench until the bell rang for the next period, after which they parted ways and headed to their different classes. Craig never liked having to leave Tweek when they were having an intimate moment as it always felt like regardless of how he felt, things were going to be okay somehow. Oh well, it wouldn't be long now before he'd get to see him again and only a little longer after that before he got his libido serviced as well. That was really something to look forward to and something that he was going to have to battle to keep his excitement from getting the better of him during the least few hours of the school day.

With a sly smile, he made his way to his locker to gather his things for his next class and stopped there for a few moments to read through some emails on his phone. He really didn't want his phone confiscated again for using it in class and so he figured he best make sure there was nothing urgent before stuffing it in his pocket and trying to leave it there for the next few hours.

Just as he finished up and closed his locker door, he turned and paused for a moment as he watched a group of juniors walk past on their way to whatever class they had. One member of their group caught his eye in particular, a boy about six inches shorter than him with brown hair and blue eyes that seemed to shine. He was dressed just like anyone else but somehow his clothes seemed to accentuate his body in the right places and, as he walked away, Craig found his eyes wander down to rest on the boy's butt which seemed to swish just perfectly with each step.

'Holy crap' he thought as he watched him walk off for a short distance and then half-smiled to himself as he thought about what it would be like to grab onto it.

Wow. He really must have been getting desperate if he was starting to think about getting with juniors. Shaking his head slightly, he headed off down the hallway in the opposite direction towards history class. It didn't take him long to get to the room where upon arriving found thankfully that he wasn't late, but on the way he couldn't help but think about that enticing boy butt and found he was really wondering what it might have been like to grab a handful of it, or maybe even take a bite…

With a sigh, he sat down at his desk and let his head fall backwards so he was looking up at the ceiling. He never found history very exciting and knew it was just one more thing he had to get through before the last bell rang. After a few moments of silent contemplation about whether or not he should sleep through this class too or actually make it look like was doing work, he raised his head back up to meet the eyes of Token who was once again watching him silently.

"What?" he asked after they once again shared a few moments of wordless staring.

"When are you gonna tell me what's eating you?"

Craig just turned away and gave him the finger. He decided he really wasn't ready to reveal his worries about he and Tweek. He didn't want to make Token worry. After all, soon as he told him then he would make him talk about it and he wasn't even sure himself if he actually wanted to start analysing his feelings. He didn't know what he'd find deep down inside and perhaps it was better just to let things be.

When the final bell rang, Craig didn't waste any time in grabbing all of his stuff and barrelling out the front door. Almost skipping across the snow-covered front lawn, he made his way over to the parking lot and leaned against the driver's door of Token's Mercedes hoping today would be the day he finally let him get behind the wheel.

Token was so lucky having such rich parents. He seemed to have everything a 17-year-old boy could want but somehow seemed to be very down to earth about it all. He had expensive clothes, always the latest iPhone, an awesome car and pretty much everything else he needed and yet still he remained pretty quiet about it all. He wasn't spoiled or arrogant, he was just like any other guy and that's what made him so cool. That, and he was just an all-round awesome guy in Craig's eyes. They just seemed to click.

After a couple of minutes, Craig looked up to see Token walking along the path towards the student lot instead of across the slushy snow as he had done. Mustering the most hopeful look he could, he gazed longingly across to his friend as he approached and even began to hop excitedly in the hope that false cuteness might earn him a chance to drive.

"No way, man" was how Token greeted him before joining him on the driver's side.

"Aw come on, bro!" he whined in defeat. "I promise I'll keep it slow"

"You have any idea what my parents would do to me if you wrecked this thing?"

"Get you a new one?" he teased, earning himself a soft punch in the arm. With his answer, he glumly wandered around to the other side and fell down into the passenger seat as they waited for his boyfriend and Clyde. They watched their various classmates and the many other students cross past the car as they waited and chatted idly as the time passed.

"What do you think about Bebe?" Token asked a short way into their conversation.

"What about her?" Craig replied sceptically.

"Like, what do you think about her? You know, as a person?"

"She's…nice, I guess" said Craig, wondering what his friend was getting at. "Why?"

"I'm thinking of asking her to go with me to Wendy's Halloween party"

"Huh…" was all Craig could say as he processed the thought.

"Well…what do you think?"

"Do you like her, you know, like that?"

"Yeah, I think so. Do you think she'd wanna go out with me?"

"I dunno"

"You think you could find out?"

"How?" asked Craig having literally no clue why Token figured he would be the one to go to Bebe and ask if she liked him.

"Wow. You are like the worst gay best friend ever" Token said through a chuckle.

"What the fuck, man?"

"What do you mean 'what the fuck?'. You're supposed to be, like, in with all the girls and talk about boys and go shopping and get pedicures"

"Dude! Weak!" he said, finding the joke not at all funny.

"I'm just saying, man, if you're gonna be gay you may as well go all out. Maybe join in a parade once in a while"

"Hey! Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I have to be queer"

"Well, I figure you're just not trying hard enough"

Craig couldn't help but laugh at that one and simply flipped his friend off as they returned their gaze out through the windshield. The two sat in silence for a little while as they still waited on their remaining friends and it didn't take long for Token to pipe up once again.

"So, are you ready to tell me what's bugging you yet?"

Craig closed his eyes and sighed. He really didn't want to get it out in the open but it had been plaguing him on and off all afternoon and was becoming a little too heavy to hold onto.

"It's nothing. Really. I've just been thinking about me and Tweek and…you know, what's gonna happen…"

"You mean like when this year's over and we have to leave for college and stuff?"

"Well, yeah, but like…even before that I'm just…thinking about stuff…"

"What stuff?"

"I don't know, man. Just stuff. Like, we've been together for forever and I just…I just never expected this to happen to me. This kind of relationship, I mean"

"Right" said Token as he pondered exactly what his friend was getting at. "Do you…maybe wanna break up with him?"

"Oh my God, no! Definitely no! I just…I don't know. That's the problem, I just don't know how I feel"

"About him?"

"I'm not sure. He's awesome and I love being with him but…"

"Do you love him?" Token finally asked making Craig stop and stare straight ahead with a look that was the epitome of cluelessness.

Before Token could ask anything else, the silence was broken by both back passenger doors being pulled open and two cheery, noisy boys bundling into the back seat.

"What's up, nerds?!" chimed Clyde as he slammed his door and stuffed his backpack into the space between his and Tweek's feet.

"Clyde, what the hell?! Be careful! You'll rip the leather"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot this car was your girlfriend" he mocked. "She's so pretty! Hey baby, wanna take me for a ride?" he said as he began to rub the everything around him seductively.

"Dude, knock it off!" warned Token who, despite not wanting to admit it, loved his car like his firstborn.

"Yeah, you like that, don't you, bitch?" he said as he started rubbing the window switch and making the window slide up and down.

Craig just laughed at the clown sitting in the back and then turned his attention his boyfriend sitting next to him.

"Hey" he said with a smile.

"Hey" Tweek replied as he leaned forward to peck the taller boy on the lips.

"Good day?"

"Good enough" he said tiredly, his jitters happily not present for the moment. "You wanna head over to my house and hang out before we go out later?"

"Wish I could, but if I don't get my homework done my dad's gonna be pretty mad"

"Okay. Well, do you wanna pick me up later?"

"Yeah, sure. Unless you wanna pick me up?" said Craig with a grin knowing full well what the answer would be. Tweek had only just managed to earn his driver's license in the summer after having failed several timers beforehand. To call him a nervous driver was an understatement and getting into the car with him behind the wheel was like letting Spongebob drive. It was a nightmare and pretty much something that should be avoided at all costs.

"Okay, never mind" he said as he silently received his answer from Tweek whose eyes were now noticeably wider having had a moment to process the prospect that Craig may have been serious. "I'll come get you"

"Thanks" Tweek replied before they were both distracted by a piercing shout of horror coming from Token. They both looked over to see Clyde running his tongue up the side of Token's headrest and Token frantically swiping at him to try and get him to stop. They both just laughed as Token freaked out over the newly deposited saliva on his car's upholstery and simply sat back to watch the heated exchange between he and Clyde that then began to take place.

Much later at around 7, Craig pulled up in his own much less impressive car outside Tweek's house and turned off the engine. He'd been feeling kind of blue ever since Token had dropped him off at home and he hadn't been able to concentrate on his homework all that well. He couldn't believe he'd nearly revealed to Token that he didn't know if he loved his boyfriend or not but weirdly he had felt pretty good about almost unburdening himself. Tonight probably wasn't the night to try again though. Tonight he had to make sure Tweek had a good time as he'd certainly been through the ringer in recent weeks. He deserved to feel relaxed and he really hoped his anxiety wouldn't get the better of him.

As he approached the front door, he sighed to himself, put a smile on his face and rang the doorbell. A moment later, he was bathed in light and greeted by the smiling face of Tweek's dad.

"Hi, Craig" the redheaded man said happily. Craig had always puzzled at that and wondered why Tweek had turned out with such golden locks. Oh well. He preferred blondes anyway.

"Hi, Mr. Tweak. Is Tweek ready?"

"Go on up, son" he said as he stepped aside to let Craig in. "Would you like to take some coffee?".

Craig looked down, declined but thanked him before ascending the stairs. He was about half a foot taller than Mr. Tweak and it always had felt kind of weird to him that he was taller than his boyfriend's dad. He didn't know why. It just felt odd, as if he were the one that was meant to feel intimidated by him instead of the other way around. He didn't know if he intimidated Tweek's dad, but nonetheless it felt kind of odd to be so much taller than him. Having said that, he was taller than pretty much everyone else he knew aside from his dad who still topped him by an inch or so. It was just enough to make him still feel dominated whenever they got into a spat and something he wished wasn't an issue. He liked being taller than everyone else and it felt weird that there was still someone taller than him. It sucked even more that that person was the one person in this world he liked the least – well, perhaps aside from Cartman.

Shrugging off those thoughts, he refrained from knocking on Tweek's door and went right on in. He was greeted with the sight of his pants-less boyfriend downing the last of a large cup of coffee and who startled when he heard Craig enter.

"Gah! Jesus! Close the door, Craig!" he cried as he scrambled to find a bottom half to cover his legs.

"You worried someone will see you?" Craig sniggered. "Would it be all that bad?"

"I just get freaked out when my parents see me undressed. I'm not hot like you"

"I…" began Craig before pondering the thought for a second, "Thanks. I never really worried about appearing hot in my own home though before. I guess I just don't care as long as my junk is hidden"

"Well, I can't let them see me naked, man! I can't let anyone see me naked!"

"Okay, whatever. As long as I'm not included in that" he said seductively as we wandered over to his boyfriend and playfully fought with him as he tried to pull up a pair of jeans.

"Craig! Stop it!" Tweek chuckled. "There'll be time for that later!"

"Aw! But I wanna get busy right now."

"The guys will be waiting for us!"

"Aw, let 'em wait" he said as he began to pull on his boyfriend's shirt. Tweek simply giggled and fought back at his boyfriend's fervent advances and eventually they ended up falling onto his bed in a heap. As they settled momentarily, Craig looked down at Tweek as he lay on top of him and looked into his eyes as he contemplated silently. Tweek was a pretty little blonde and though very distinctly male, his features were soft and almost delicate. His eyes were a crisp, refreshing blue which seemed to contrast severely with his jittery personality. If the eyes were the windows to the soul then in Tweek they were certainly tinted so it was harder to see in. Beneath those blue orbs was his cute little nose that had become slightly more angular over the past couple of years as he'd grown. When they'd first started being together Craig had always liked how small, and button-like it was and had been a little let down when it had started to gain more definition, despite the fact that it made him look more like a young man than an adolescent boy. The change in his nose was more than made up for by his sweet little lips underneath and though they were usually pulled thin and always looked a little chewed-on as a result of his anxiety, they still appeared rather inviting to Craig whenever he was within kissing-distance. One of those times was right now and, without saying a word, he leaned his head forward and pushed his own lips against Tweek's.

It felt good to kiss him, regardless of how he felt otherwise. Despite wondering in the back of his mind about the many other lips out there that he had never kissed, somehow it seemed like it didn't matter when theirs were interlocked.

Little moments like that though could only ever last a short while and no sooner than when he parted from the boy beneath him, so too did the thoughts about wanting to experience more come racing back. Tweek was great, but he was all he had known and he couldn't fight the thoughts to wonder what it would be like to mix it up a little. Just a little. All he needed was a little taste of something different, just to see if there was indeed something different to taste.

Making sure not to let Tweek notice the sudden dip in his mood, he pushed himself off of the bed and pulled his boyfriend up so he could finally finish zipping up his jeans. With a quick check of his room to make sure he had everything he needed and taking one more second to down the last of the coffee he had been nursing, Tweek ushered Craig out of his room, locked the door behind him to make sure no one could get in while he was away, and walked down and out of the house towards Craig's car. The pair jumped in and straight away Craig gunned it in the direction of the restaurant where Token and Clyde as well as his friends Kyle and Kenny would be waiting. After Craig, Token and Clyde, those two were next in line in his friendship hierarchy and he liked hanging out with them just as much as the others. Friendship groups had undergone many metamorphoses ever since their grade had entered South Park High School and it was funny to think back and realise that despite many groups changing and people coming and going, Craig, Token, Clyde and himself had somehow remained steadfastly together once they're little circle had been formed. It seemed that many others had noticed as well and at some point they'd earned themselves the moniker of 'Craig's gang'. Tweek had quite liked the sound of that when he'd first heard it and it felt kind of nice to be part of a gang, or any group really where he could feel accepted. Token and Clyde had been somewhat less amused since there wasn't really any call to let Craig get the glory and have their group named after him. Craig had never really seemed to care although Tweek had mentioned that he seemed smug about it sometimes. Maybe he was. After all, it was kind of cool to be thought of as a gang leader – despite their 'gang' being quite far from the most literal definition of the word.

Pulling up at the restaurant, Tweek hopped out as Craig was turning off the engine and he could see Tweek perk up when he saw where they were. For some reason he seemed to love P. F. Chang's and Craig had figured this would be the most likely place where his boyfriend could at least try to relax. As he got out of the car, he walked around to the sidewalk where he was waiting for him and lazily worked their fingers together before pulling him inside. Whatever it was about this place that made Tweek happy he had no idea, after all it wasn't particularly different or fancy compared to other Chinese restaurants. That being said, it was head and shoulders above their other option in South Park, City Wok, and the very thought of stepping into that place and being verbally abused by the owner was enough to make him sneer.

After mentioning their party's name to the maitre d', they were lead over towards where the booths were in the back and were greeted loudly by their friends who had all arrived before them. Craig watched as Tweek was practically floored in the one-man dog pile that was Kenny and it made him smirk to watch his skinny, twitchy blonde boy attempt to prop up the taller, much heavier blondie who was currently bear-hugging him. Kenny was an odd guy to say the least but he was still pretty cool and, despite having an even shittier upbringing than him with meth-head parents and living in a total craphole, he'd turned out a genuinely interesting - albeit somewhat perverted - guy. Was perverted the right word? It wasn't as if his more adult-oriented exploits were sickening or disgusting, but he was still a randy little fucker and it always made Craig laugh when he got up to something that most boys his age wouldn't even dream of.

"Hey, Ken. You mind letting him breathe again, man?" said Craig as he noticed Tweek beginning to turn from being elated to nearly asphyxiated. He regretted it when the orange-clad boy released his boyfriend and then wrapped himself around him boa constrictor-style.

"Hey, Craig, you sexy fuck!" said Kenny as he compressed him.

"Woah, okay, down boy!" Craig said as he pried his friend off, "Save it for the waitresses"

The boys took their seats and fell into the conversation which they had interrupted and before long it seemed they were all back to their old ways. It seemed as if nothing had changed from several weeks beforehand when they'd all been hanging out and to see Tweek suddenly laughing again with his jitters on their minimum setting genuinely filled him with happiness. It was always hard to see Tweek struggling just to get by and, although he never really let it show, it upset him to watch Tweek go from that place where he was simply anxious to legitimately sad as a result of his fears. It was always heartbreaking. There had been times in the past during his most-anxious periods when he'd been spending the night with Tweek and woken up to find him not there in bed with him. Usually he'd found him sitting alone downstairs in the living room and occasionally he had found him crying as he'd shivered violently on the couch or floor or wherever he'd ended up. It was at those times when Craig had seen just how serious and real Tweek's anxiety disorder was and although to most it seemed like he had a handle on it, it was clear to see in those moments that there were times when he really couldn't handle himself. He hoped it was never so bad that he would think about doing something stupid to try and escape, but there was really no knowing despite how much they would talk about it.

Tonight though wasn't one of those times and Craig couldn't help but smile to himself as he watched Tweek laughing and enjoying spending time with his friends. He was so cute when he smiled and seemed to glow when he was having fun. It made him feel great.

Unfortunately, not everything was perfect though and the stain on their otherwise perfect dinner came in the form of Token's quiet, knowing gazes. They were only short-lived but they were still just as heavy as if he'd been glaring at him all night. They had not finished the conversation they'd been having in the car earlier and Craig really wished he had just kept his mouth shut. Now Token knew what he had been thinking and it wouldn't have taken a genius to fill in the gaps for what he had been getting at. Token clearly wanted to finish what they'd started and Craig knew he wasn't going to let up until they did.

With a sigh he tried to distract himself, and as he shifted in his seat his mind was immediately turned to other matters when he felt a small container shift in his pocket.

"Hey guys, anyone up for making this night awesome?" he said with a smirk as he removed the sizeable hip flask from his hoodie's pocket.

"Hell, yes! Looks like great minds think alike!" said Kenny as he did exactly the same – although he hadn't taken the time to put his alcohol in a different container. The table laughed loudly as the pair of boys cautiously displayed the two vessels which no doubt held some extremely strong liquor and, making sure none of the serving staff could see their group of underage rapscallions whooping over the booze, carefully began to undo the caps.

"Okay, who's ready to get messed up?" he said as he poured a good amount into his half-full glass of coke and stirring it up with his straw.

"Dude, it's a school night!" chided Kyle as he glared at his two hootch-wielding friends.

"Calm down, mom" said Kenny as he poured some liquid from his own container into Clyde's gladly offered glass and then took a long swig straight from the bottle. "It's good for you"

"Good how?" grumbled the red-afro'd boy next to him.

"Makes you more attractive, that's for sure" Kenny said eliciting a laugh from the table. Kyle just pouted as he protected his glass from being contaminated with whatever cheap liquor his friend had brought along. The rest of the group willingly offered their drinks up to be alcoholised, all aside from Tweek to whom Craig offered the bottle last after he failed to ask for some.

"Wanna let loose a little?" he asked as Tweek looked up at him worriedly.

"No way, man! What if my parents find out?! I can't let them see me drunk!"

Fuck. He knew that was going to put Tweek on edge. Why did he have to go and ruin a perfectly good thing?

"It's okay, don't worry about it. You don't have to if you don't want to"

"I don't wanna be lame though! I just…AAH!" he peeped as his fingers gradually began to work their way up to his hair. Craig grabbed them as he saw them go and quickly but gently rested his forehead against his now-edgy boyfriend's.

"You're not lame. You're perfect. Don't worry about it"

"I just…wanna do what you guys do…but I don't wanna get in trouble with my parents and I…aw jeez!"

"Baby, it's fine!" interrupted Kenny, "I'll still love you just as much, whatever you choose. You're my world"

Craig glared at him as the rest of the table laughed although it seemed to snap Tweek out of his anxious trance so he couldn't be all that annoyed.

"I guess I'll be the designated driver?" Tweek responded hopefully but also with a different kind of apprehension at the prospect of getting behind the wheel, and Craig just smiled and kissed him before turning their attention back to the table of underage drinkers.

The rest of the meal went by cheerily and gradually grew louder and more boisterous as the alcohol began to take its effect. Craig had watched Tweek as he'd made a real effort to use his chopsticks to eat his food and had sniggered to himself as the poor boy could barely keep them in his shaking fingers. Tweek had grown gradually more frustrated with himself as they had repeatedly flown in various directions and he eventually decided to take pity on the uncoordinated boy and use the chopsticks to feed him on his behalf. Tweek seemed grateful for the assistance despite asking several times if he should just ask for a fork. Craig had scorned him for even suggesting it and happily continued with bringing various pieces of dim sum and other things up from his plate to his mouth. It was a very cute mouth after all and one that his imagination began to put to use as the booze that had been in his cup now sank into his brain.

Eventually the meal came to an end and by that time their volume had reached a level that made other diners' heads begin to turn. It wasn't long before their waitress had returned and asked them as nicely as she could to keep it down. Whether that was a mistake on her part or an unwarranted act on Kenny's wasn't clear, but the now well-buzzed boy merrily pulled the poor girl onto his lap and asked for her number outright.

It hadn't taken long after that for them to be thrown out and the boys soon found themselves laughing about the incident in the parking lot as Token and Kyle remained behind apologizing profusely to the manager and leaving an enormous remorseful tip. They did not look particularly pleased when they finally followed their compatriots outside into the freezing night air and had expressed yet more disdain with Craig and Kenny as they continued to chug from the as-yet unfinished bottles they both possessed.

A nervous and jerky drive followed in Craig's overfilled car with Tweek in the driver's seat and they soon found themselves laughing in the bowling alley parking lot as a red-faced and shaky Tweek got out of the vehicle.

"You guys suck!" he grumbled as he locked the doors and gave the keys back to Craig before they all headed inside.

Like all bowling alleys, this one was loud and animated and was only made more so by their raucous arrival. In no time at all they all got shoes and balls and pretty soon were hurling them down their lane. Craig wasn't all that into bowling but Tweek sure seemed to be, despite him not being particularly good. His jitters seemed to land a fair few balls in the gutter but he still seemed pretty cheery just to be there. That was all Craig really needed to feel happy and he smiled as his buzzing mind calmly observed his friends enjoying themselves.

Suddenly Token sat down next to him, and the good feeling was gone. In its place was a feeling of dread and unwelcome apprehension. The two simply sat there watching their friends for a little while, neither one saying a thing but clearly both acknowledging the issue at hand.

Eventually it seemed Token couldn't hold back the burning question he held inside and quietly spoke without looking at him.

"So, you never answered my question earlier…"

"Not now, Token" Craig responded moodily.

"If not now, when?"

" I just don't wanna think about it right now…"

"Seems to me that maybe you can't stop thinking about it"

"So…?" he replied hoping that would be the end of it. No such luck.

"Talk to me, man. Let me help you"

Craig paused for a moment as he pondered the offer before looking down and shaking his head slightly,

"I don't think you can. I don't know if I even want to think about it"

"Well, you better try and figure it out. I mean, do you really wanna pretend your whole life?"

"Pretend? Pretend about what?"

"Pretend you love him"

"I…" he began before shutting up and gritting his teeth. The question annoyed him much more than it had done before and he put it down to the booze circulating in his blood. He was kind of mad at Token for ruining his good feeling but he knew he couldn't put the blame entirely on him. After all, he'd started this fire and it was only natural for Token to want to put it out. That was just his way.

At that moment, his train of thought was interrupted by Clyde telling him it was his turn and he begrudgingly got up to grab his ball off the rack. He couldn't ignore the anger which seemed to put a bitter taste in his mouth as he lined up to throw and, in combination with the liquor, ended up shooting the heavy globe straight into the gutter. He glared at the full set of white pins that remained standing at the other end of the lane and grimaced as he heard Kenny mock him from behind.

"Nice shooting, Tex! You learn to bowl at the same place you bought your tampons?"

He turned around with an irate glare with the intention of chiding the drunken idiot who sat laughing at him but held back when he noticed everyone else laughing along. He decided against throwing a temper-tantrum in front of the group and simply turned back around as the ball popped back up onto the rack. Heaving it up, he shot daggers at the pins that waited at the bottom of the alley and with an impassioned swing, catapulted the stupid thing towards them. This time he at least seemed to keep it out of the gutters but only managed to knock down a couple at the edge of the set.

With an annoyed grunt he turned around and walked back towards his seat. As Kyle got up to take his turn, he was caught just before he was about to sit by a concerned looking Tweek.

"Hey. Is everything alright?" he asked quietly as he gazed up with those big, blue orbs. Craig just stared back at him and tried to look as deep down into his boyfriend's soul as he could. He desperately needed to find some answers somewhere in there. Anything would do. Honestly, anything. As per usual though, there were barriers in place and, try as he might, he just couldn't see through the mist he found blocking his view. Why couldn't he just find the answer to his question? Why was it so damn hard to see whether or not he loved this bubbly little mess of a boy? What was so wrong with him that he was so fucking incapable of doing that?

Without warning, he simply grabbed Tweek's face and kissed him as hard as he could, hoping desperately to drown out his doubts in the only way he knew how. It was hard though, and despite using all of his skill, no amount of tongue-tying in that moment could completely shift the nagging thoughts in his mind.

"Jeez. Save it for the bedroom, huh guys?" he heard Clyde say when he turned back around from his turn, after which the whole group playfully took their shots at them. He didn't really give a crap anyway. He had way bigger demons to battle at that moment. It didn't stop him raising a middle finger in their direction though.

Later on, after having dropped their teasing and some of whom now fairly inebriated friends at their homes, Craig found himself gazing out of the passenger window of his car in a quiet haze as Tweek fearfully battled to keep them on the road. The poor guy had been on edge as soon as Craig had tossed him the keys and any kind of relaxation he may have managed to achieve during the evening had completely disappeared as they had slowly made their way down various streets. Each of their passengers had seemed to be only too pleased to get out of the jerky, apprehensive vehicle piloted by the most jerky and apprehensive of their group, and all of them had managed to find their way up to their front doors with only minimal staggering. All of them except for Kenny who had somehow gotten so steaming drunk during the last few hours that he ended up falling into the trashcans outside his house and probably waking up the entire street as he had made his way indoors. The time was now nearly midnight and they had driven alone together towards Craig's house after having dropped off Token who hadn't forgotten to give Craig a stern, ominous look in the rear-view mirror as they had parted ways. Craig had needed to use all of his strength to refrain from flipping him off as he'd walked away as he hadn't wanted to make Tweek suspicious. Thankfully the jitterbug behind the wheel seemed to have much bigger things on his mind as he'd pulled away for the final time that evening and the two had driven in silence for the most part, aside from Tweek's occasional cries of "GAH!" and "OH JESUS!" at the slightest provocation. Craig had just been thinking as he'd gazed listlessly out of the window and he only perked up when they were brutally jerked into the driveway and came to a sudden halt as Tweek had stamped down on the brake. Lifting his head up from its resting place on his arm, he looked over to his boyfriend who sat there looking sort of pale but who did also manage to breathe a sigh of relief and mutter "It's over…".

Fumbling around in the ashtray, Craig found the garage door opener and clicked it a few times before the big sheet of metal on the small outbuilding began to rise.

"Think you can manage just a few extra feet?" he asked hopefully and making Tweek shudder at the very thought of even going another inch. He obliged though and, at a snail's pace, they slowly rolled forward until the car was resting safely where it was supposed to be. As the door closed behind them, Tweek turned off the engine and unbuckled his seatbelt in a few short seconds before practically jumping out of the car. Being behind the wheel was not a pleasant place to find himself and it seemed to Craig as he looked at him out the window that he was much happier being on terra firma. With a slight smirk, he got out of the car too and walked around to the other side to take Tweek's hands in his as they just stood there in the darkness.

"So, feel better now?"

"If you mean about the evening, then yes" Tweek replied as the jitters that had arisen during the drive slowly seemed to fade.

"That's good. It's nice to have you back"

Tweek chuckled." I didn't go anywhere"

"Except into the depths of your own nervousness"

"Well, yeah, I guess… Still, it's done now for another year. I'm all yours"

"Yeah…" said Craig, forcing himself to hold back a sigh. Unfortunately for him it wasn't unnoticeable.

"Are you sure you're okay? It looks like you've had something on your mind all evening"

Should he just tell him? It was right to tell your partner when you had troubles, right? Even if they were about the relationship you shared.

"Nah, it's nothing" he said after a moment, kicking himself internally for chickening out.

"You sure? "

"Yeah, I'm good. Great even. Everything's cool"

"Okay, that's good" Tweek said before pulling him into a hug. The two stood there in the silence of the garage, the only tiny sound being the ticking of the engine as it cooled. After a few sweet moments, Tweek's head turned upwards and met Craig's gaze, "You wanna head inside? You know, I've been looking forward to getting you into bed. That, and you've had quite a lot to drink. Maybe you could use a lie down?"

"You little punk!" scolded Craig before stooping down and beginning to nibble his neck, eliciting a few small, excited yelps from the shorter boy. "Tell you what, I think I may have a better idea".

With that, he pushed Tweek up against the side of his car and stuffed his tongue down his throat whilst eagerly grabbing at his back and ass. Tweak went to yelp again in shock but was muffled by Craig's mouth as he pushed up against him wildly. After a few moments, Craig shucked off his jacket and began to pull at the haphazard buttons on Tweek's shirt as the shorter boy wrapped his arms around his neck. Suddenly, as the cool air of the garage hit his skin, Tweek's eyes bolted open and pulled away in fright.

"Craig, man! No! What if someone sees?"

"No one will see unless they're a peeping tom" he replied as he went back to work nipping at the skin on his boyfriend's neck.

"Oh my God! Do you think there will be?!" squawked Tweek as he did his best to cover his now exposed chest with his arms. Craig just laughed.

"Nah. Come on, let's go nuts"

"I…I dunno…It's cold and, I dunno…"

"Come over here then" Craig said as he led Tweek over to the front of the car and pushed him down onto the hood. The metal was warm from the hot engine underneath and Tweek smiled a little as he felt the warmth permeate his skin through his clothes.

"You're crazy" he said as the faintest hint of deviancy crept onto his face, and then Craig knew he had him.

"Coming from you, I'll take that as a compliment" he said as he unbuckled his belt, unzipped his pants and let them begin to fall down as he pushed forward against Tweek's body.

His big hands roamed up and down Tweek's body as he mashed their tongues together and he quickly pulled off his own shirt before whipping off Tweek's. Whilst they were parted, he pushed Tweek back onto the warm metal and pulled at his pants until he was left panting before him in nothing but his boxers. He looked so adorable laying there, the white skin of his skinny, shaky body contrasting with the bright red of his face as he struggled with the amazing mix of nerves and excitement. It was so out of place to see him so exposed and yet so willing to explore the situation at hand and it made Craig feel good to know that despite all of Tweek's fears, when they were together anything was possible. That, and the undeniable tent in the front of his underpants was really inviting and he could already feel his hands reaching forward to unwrap it.

"Oh shit! Hang on!" he said as he stopped and hopped around to the passenger side door. He'd been keeping some KY in the glovebox for months hoping he might get to use it at a moment like this and finally, thankfully, it seemed he was going to get his chance. Running back around to his waiting boyfriend, the smaller blondie boggled at how prepared he suddenly discovered his horndog boyfriend to be and simply giggled as he looked up at him from the hood. Without waiting, Craig ripped off his boxers displaying his proud erection to the beautiful blondie beneath him and quickly set about smothering it in the clear slippery jelly.

"Oh my God!" squeaked Tweek as his mind practically exploded at the prospect of what they were about to do and he mentally cheered as he realised that this was one of those rare occasions when the good feelings practically destroyed his anxiety. This was just too exciting not to enjoy and he couldn't believe just how hot the whole thing was. It only took him a second to whip off his own underpants as let them fall to the floor.

Dropping the blue and white tube on the floor, Craig brought his knee up onto the hood next to Tweek's hip and gently pushed him back so he was laying fully flat. Grabbing both his legs, his lifted them up at the knees and pushed them back so he was completely exposed.

"You ready?" he asked as he pushed up against Tweek's opening, making him draw a sharp breath as he felt Craig's slippery meat push against him.

"Yeah" he whispered as he reached up and pulled Craig's head towards him so he could press their lips together.

With that, Craig began to slowly but firmly push forward and he felt Tweek's whole body clench up as he forced himself inside. Tweek immediately cried out as he felt the large rod entering him and Craig simply held onto Tweek's bottom lip with his teeth as he continued to push forward. Stopping only momentarily to allow him to accommodate his wood, it took only a few more seconds to push all the way inside. Together they just held there for a moment as the exquisite mix of pain and pleasure spun in Tweek's mind and as his breathing gradually slowed down, so too did Craig gently begin to rock back and forth.

Slowly they gained a quicker and more forceful rhythm as he bucked back and forth and with each firmer thrust, Tweek began to vocalise each breath as he was pounded. Underneath them the car began to bounce as they rocked back and forth and it wasn't long before Tweek's yelps, Craig's grunts and the car's creaking suspension where sounding out in rhythm with each other. Reaching up to grab Tweek's dick, Craig began to pump him in time as he breathed heavily against his neck and only thrusted harder as Tweek became louder.

After only a little while longer with fervent moans and gentle smacks of skin beginning to echo around the room, Craig let out one last impassioned groan as he buried himself deep inside Tweek, spilling his seed into him. As he felt Craig spasm inside, so too did he feel himself go past the point of no return and shoot his load all over his stomach and Craig's hand. Gradually, their orgasms subsided and the two simply remained interlocked on top of Craig's car's warm hood with the silence of the small garage returning to wrap them up like a blanket.

After what could have been seconds or hours, Tweek quietly piped up as he felt Craig's grip on him slowly subside.

"Craig…that was incredible…" he said softly without a hint of anxiety.

"You're incredible" was all he could reply with as he felt himself soften and slowly begin to fall out of his boyfriend. As he came loose, he slowly put both feet back on the floor and pulled Tweek up to hold him in his arms. The two just stood there for a moment in the darkness, not moving, just being together. Somehow their moment just seemed perfect, and despite all anxieties or doubts, they just felt right.

"Craig?" Tweek eventually whispered.

"Mm?"

"Shall we go upstairs now?"

Later on, Craig found himself clutching Tweek as he spooned him gently while he slept. Silently, he nuzzled Tweek's blonde hair as he held him close and sighed softly as he breathed his scent. It wasn't a scent he could particularly categorise. It was just Tweek, and it was special to him. It was one of the things that made him unique and something he could never forget. That being said, he wondered if other people had vastly different scents, or if they were all roughly the same.

And just like that, those evil fucking thoughts came back and made him immediately wide-awake. God fucking damn it! Why now?! Of all the stupid fucking moments, why did his stupid brain have to go and ruin this perfect moment he had been sharing with Tweek. If he wasn't in love with him then at least this could have fooled him! He had been so blissfully content and he fucking hated himself for destroying it!

Feeling like absolute garbage, he carefully and without a sound removed himself from Tweek's side and silently made his way out of his bedroom, leaving his sweetheart to his slumber. With a groggy and still tipsy head, he dragged himself down the hallway and slowly tackled the stairs. At the bottom, he made his way over to the couch and sat down, placing his head into his hands and simply sat in the darkness, conflicted and filled with self-hatred.

After a while, he looked up to the clock on the wall and through the darkness seemed to make out that it said about two-thirty in the morning. Remembering he'd left his phone in the car, he slowly got back up and made his way to the garage. When he got into the car, he dug around for a moment before finding his phone in the passenger side pocket and immediately began to scroll through his contact list. Hitting a name, he brought the phone to his ear and waited for the ringing to begin.

It took quite a few rings before a groggy voice picked up and he immediately felt crestfallen as he heard the answerer's voice.

"Craig? What the hell, man?" he heard Token say. "Is everything okay?"

He sat there for a moment wondering if he should just hang up. After all, if he really was going to start breaking this down then there was no going back.

"Hello?" he heard his friend say with a still half-asleep garble.

He sighed into the phone, screwing his eyes shut and hating himself bitterly.

"Hi" he eventually replied.

"What's going on?"

With a defeated sigh he replied,

"I need to talk…"

 **Further and further into the fray! Sorry if this was a little slow. I just had a lot to get a lot down before we can start tackling all the feels! Hope the smut was okay too. I didn't want it to be too long or detailed otherwise this would just become a fapfic. There will be more smex but hopefully I'll keep the focus more on the narrative instead of dicks and butts.**

 **Leave me a review! Let me know if it's any good if you pretty please!**

 **Thanks for reading! See you in the next chapter! x**


	3. ¿Qué?

**Wassup, Creek shippers?! Me here once again with some South Park fanfic drivel. Hope you like it so far. Wicked love to Spice of Life and Sarah for your reviews and lots of endless adoration to my new followers too.**

 **Too Old For This Crap**

 **Chapter 3: ¿Qué?**

 **Tweek**

'Wish I had pancakes'

Sipping his coffee, he looked down at the unimpressive, half-finished bowl of Cheerios before him and sighed. There was no chance of getting a better breakfast on a Tuesday morning, and even less a chance of being given anything more than the tiniest flicker of attention in the Tucker household.

Tweek had awoken early that morning and had found himself alone in Craig's bed. He'd found that rather odd as Craig usually slept way longer than him, plus he figured he'd be getting as much catch up time as possible for sleep. He'd been so tired the day before and had soldiered on all the way until their escapade in the garage. After that he'd seemed to fall into a daze and had needed Tweek to lead him to his bed. To wake up and find himself alone had been pretty weird and Tweek had taken a moment to look over the side of the bed in the expectation that his boyfriend may have rolled out and onto the floor.

Having found no trace of him, he'd simply gotten up and gotten dressed hoping to find him downstairs already wide-awake and fully refreshed. As he'd entered the kitchen though he found he'd had no such luck and had simply gripped his hands tightly into fists as he noticed Craig's dad acknowledge him entering the kitchen alone – however meagrely. They'd remained silent for a moment as they figured each other out and so too had Tweek's anxiety lurched into life and began to get his tremor going. It seemed to Tweek that Mr. Tucker had never been particularly fond of him and only ever gave him the bare minimum in terms of greetings or pleasantries. Craig and his dad didn't get on very well and in the older man's mind Tweek figured he must have been an extension of his boyfriend and deserving at least some amount of disdain. The two hadn't spoken much as Tweek had set about tentatively putting together a bowl of cereal and pouring some coffee. Every action he took gave him the sensation that the gruff man at the kitchen table had been shooting daggers into his back and he was sure that the shakes he felt shooting through his body must have been obvious. Always being so anxious made him feel that Mr. Tucker must have thought he was a total freak, and Tweek wondered about the possibility that if he and his son had had a better relationship that he would recommend to Craig that he dump him and find someone normal. They didn't talk about such things though, Craig and his dad. They hardly spoke at all except for when they got into an argument and so relationship advice - or indeed advice for anything in life – was off the table for them. Just as well. The middle-aged gasbag would probably suggest Craig find himself a nice girl and try to make it work with her. Despite their relationship going up and down over the years, Craig's dad had never been too fond of his being gay and it had probably only served to make things frostier between them, regardless of the fact that he'd said at some point in the past that he was okay with it.

Oh well. That was Craig and his dad and Tweek was glad to know that if his boyfriend didn't really have much going on for him at home, the dark-haired charmer at least had family in him. And in his parents too. Tweek had never really noticed any bad sentiments between his own parents and Craig and, despite being very different people, it seemed his parents were more than happy that he had Craig in his life. In all honestly, his parents were pretty great and he was so glad he hadn't had the same kind of trouble Craig had had with his parents. He couldn't imagine feeling like a stranger in his own home. After all, it was the world outside that threatened to destroy him every day, and home was a safe place.

Unfortunately, Craig's house did not steady his nerves all that well and as he continued to tackle the cereal in his bowl, he began to Twitch nervously as he heard a fiery exchange of words from upstairs between Craig's mom and his sister. It put him on edge when he found himself caught in the periphery of a Tucker family scuffle and he knew it showed. With his increasing shudders, he couldn't help but keep his spoon from clinking at the side of the bowl and it seemed like it was just enough to make Mr. Tucker look up at him with a sneer that he tried to ignore.

"You got the shakes again, boy?" he asked grouchily and making Tweek suddenly feel very wound up.

"I…Y-…Yes, sir" was all he could force out.

It seemed the older man didn't care enough to pursue the issue and simply pressed on with other matters.

"You wake Craig up yet?"

Tweek looked up at him apprehensively, "You mean…you know where he is?"

"Excuse me?" Mr. Tucker said, suddenly seeming to become grumpier. Tweek mentally kicked himself for asking him in the way he had.

"I mean…I thought perhaps you might know. He wasn't in bed this morning when I woke up"

His answer seemed to make the older man grimace a little at the thought of them being in bed together and Tweek simply looked back down and wished the moment would just end. Putting his hands together, he did his best to steady his jitters.

"He's on the couch. I figured you two must've…I dunno, had a fight or something…whatever. You're saying he hasn't gotten up yet?"

"No…I-" squeaked Tweek before he was abruptly cut off.

"Craig!" hollered the man towards the living room. "Get your ass up, kid! You've got school!"

Tweek turned his head meekly to the kitchen door which opened onto the living room and heard some soft shuffling and a bump, perhaps signalling that his boyfriend had indeed been rudely awakened. How had he not noticed him on the couch? Had he been so preoccupied with preparing himself to deal with any of the Tucker family members that he'd simply blown right past in a worried daze?

His train of thought was cut short when a weary and dishevelled Craig appeared at the doorway in nothing but his boxers. After yawning and pulling at the material of his underwear to set it straight, he lazily shuffled forward and put his hands on Tweek's shoulders comfortingly.

"What time is it?" he said in a gravelly voice and running a hand through his hair.

"About 7:15" Tweek said as he looked up at him and gave him a soft smile.

"Mm" he said as he rubbed his face. "I'm sorry. Good morning"

Drearily, the statuesque boy leaned down over the top of Tweek as he stood behind his chair and gave him an upside-down kiss. Tweek thought he noticed a hint of a smirk as he pulled away and knew it must have been him savouring the thought of making his dad uncomfortable, a prospect that seemed to be true as he glanced at him on his way to the refrigerator.

Pulling open the door and gazing in aimlessly for a moment, the towering, almost-naked boy eventually reached in and pulled out a carton of orange juice. Unscrewing the cap, he brought the box to his lips and drank deeply.

"Craig! Damn it, that is disgusting!"

Craig just huffed at his dad's interjection and crabbily put the carton back before turning around and facing him. Tweek hoped to God that he wouldn't flip his dad off this early as it would only escalate from there. Thankfully, his boyfriend just rolled his eyes and walked back in the direction of the kitchen door, delicately rubbing Tweek's shoulders before he disappeared from sight.

With one last mouthful, Tweek got up from the table, put his bowl into the dishwasher and silently exited the room. He felt instantly relieved when he was out of Mr. Tucker's presence. He only felt safe in that house when he was with Craig and decided he needed to stay with him until they were ready to leave.

Bounding up the stairs, Tweek followed the sleepy giant into the bathroom and startled when he happened upon him peeing.

"Jeez, man! Don't you think you should close the door?"

"Huh? Oh…yeah, whatever" Craig replied as he turned his attention back to aiming his pecker at the toilet bowl. "I guess I don't give a crap if anyone sees me pee"

"Oh. Shit. Sorry!" Tweek stuttered as he turned away and rubbed his hair nervously. He hadn't even clicked that Craig might find it weird to be watched as he relieved himself. In fact, he never really thought that there were still some things best done in private despite their being in what was by pretty much all definitions a long-term relationship.

"It's fine. I mean, you've had my dick in your mouth so there's no harm in seeing it here"

"I-…I-…" was all Tweek could say as he turned red. This shouldn't have been weird, but his jitters were making it so and he didn't know how to react.

Craig simply flushed the toilet and pulled off his boxers the rest of the way before tossing them into the corner and turning on the shower.

"Wanna get in with me?" he said as he tested the water with his hand and turned back momentarily to give Tweek a devilish smirk.

"I-…What?! What are you talking about?! What if your parents hear?! Or your sister?! We can't…! I can't…! GAH!" Tweek spluttered as he felt himself begin to tug on his hair.

"Relax, babe, I was only kidding. Well, not really, but it's okay" he replied as he climbed into the shower and pulling the curtain behind him. Tweek just listened as he heard the water begin to slosh around and soon found his tension easing off. He really wished he didn't get into such a tizzy when situations like that came up. He wished he could be more spontaneous or simply take those things Craig said as jokes instead of becoming so strung out. He wanted to be fun and easy-going, but it was just so hard. At least Craig didn't hold it against him and was kind enough to give him an easy ride. He knew him so well and it felt good to know he was cared for so much. He had his Craig, and Craig had him. They were good.

After a quick turnaround at home, hopping in the car and a short drive, the two found themselves at school once again and standing close out front with their hands intertwined, waiting for the bell. It felt nice to be standing there letting everyone pass them by. Their school was a noisy and bustling place but, when they were together, it felt for Tweek like no amount of bluster or any amount of his own anxiety could bring him down. No matter what anyone else did or said, he knew he was going to be okay.

 **Craig**

After the bell rang, Craig had kissed Tweek and had watched him walk away through the crowd. He had worn a contented smile on his face until Tweek was out of sight, and then he let the faked grin disappear in an instant. He was not in a happy mood, and to be honest he felt downright crappy. He hated pretending everything was okay for Tweek's sake when he knew it most definitely was not. He didn't like being false, even when he knew it was for Tweek's benefit, and today was assuredly the most he had ever pretended to make it appear as if everything was just fine.

As he slowly loafed forward towards his first class, he grumbled to himself as he pushed through the crowds, pushing smaller students aside if they had the audacity to get in his way.

When he got to Spanish class, he fell down into his seat and placed his head down on his desk, wishing he could forget the conversation he'd had with Token several hours beforehand in the middle of the night. It hung over him like a black storm cloud and, as what they had discussed circled around and around in his head, he found he wanted nothing more than to get up and kick his desk into a twisted pile of junk.

He'd had no idea how he'd managed to get it all out in the open over the phone in the early hours. More to the point, he had no idea how Token had managed to wake up enough to simply listen and let him get it all out. He remembered Token had hardly said a thing as he just rambled – pretty disjointedly – about his uncertainties and doubts about his relationship. He wished he had been able to articulate exactly how he felt but he had never been good at expressing himself and several times had simply sat there with gritted teeth as he pondered whether or not to throw his phone across the room. When he was done, he found he felt no different at the end of his unloading than he had before and had waited for what seemed like forever for Token to speak up. Sadly, Token hadn't been anywhere near as helpful as he had hoped. He didn't know if he'd hoped Token would somehow be able to tell him something that would fix his problems in one fell swoop or if he'd tell him what he needed to do to make himself feel alright again. Token had simply, said 'I understand' and had just left it at that.

After that, Craig had just hung up and dropped his phone onto the floor. How the fuck could Token possibly understand how he felt? When the hell had he ever been through something like this? Sure, he was his friend, but it was pretty shitty of him to force him to tell him this obviously painful secret with the promise of being able to help and then just spouting total shit.

From there he'd curled up on the couch and tried to wish himself into being somewhere else. He'd wanted to go back upstairs and curl up with Tweek again. It had just felt so wrong though and he couldn't make himself get up. He wanted to feel alright and safe in Tweek's arms, but how could he possibly pull him close and pretend like he wasn't the problem? He wanted to love him, he just couldn't tell himself that he did and he hated himself for it. Eventually he'd fallen into an unpleasant and turbulent slumber and had been jerked awake in a no more rested state by his stupid dad's yelling.

Now he found himself slumped at his desk and having to try to think of a way to get through the day, something he knew was going to be practically impossible without becoming pissed off.

Hearing someone sit down next to him, he huffed into his sleeves as he counted down the seconds before the person joining him threw themselves on top.

"Whatcha thinkin'?" he heard the human blanket mumble dreamily.

"About how much I'd love to put my foot in your ass, Kenny" he grumbled back.

"Well, I'm game if you are. I just hope you brought lube" he said nonchalantly and making Craig suddenly shove him off.

"You always gotta be so gross?"

"You brought it up. I dunno what you and Tweek get up to but, if you're good with it, I'm in"

"Ew" said Craig as he returned his face to his arms on the desk.

"Hey, don't write me off just yet. Maybe you wanna outsource your fucking or something. I'll bang Tweek for a little while if you want"

"Again, ew"

"Oh, hey, don't get jealous. You want me to fuck you too I've got plenty of stamina for you both"

"Just…shut up" said Craig with irritation knowing he was in no mood to put up with Kenny's antics. He knew it was all just talk, but he just couldn't handle it right now.

"Did I touch a nerve there?" said Kenny after a moment's silence and with a clear change in his tone to one that sounded like concern.

Craig decided not to answer. If telling Token - the guy who next to Tweek knew him better than anyone else – had made everything so much worse then he sure as hell wasn't going to talk to anyone else about it. Even if it was Kenny whom he knew was far deeper than he appeared on the outside and was indeed a trusted and valuable friend.

Not answering, however, seemed to provide all the answer he needed and, with a gentle pat on his shoulder, Kenny seemed to let him know that even if he wasn't going to tell him, he hoped whatever it was that was eating him would work out.

The lesson had started at some point while his head was down and it he figured he must have gotten a good ten or fifteen minutes of quiet inattention before the teacher noticed him.

"Señor Tucker. ¿Estás despierto?"

He raised his head up and looked at the pretty Latina lady at the front of the class who gazed back at him with less annoyance than he'd expected.

"What?"

"En Español, por favor"

"¿Qué?" he grumbled.

"¿Puedes escuchar?"

"Si. Why not…?" he said as he crookedly rested his chin on his fist and stared at the front without really taking any of it in. He pretended as best he could to pay attention for the rest of the class but there was no way he was really listening. He had too much else on his mind in the form of a fidgety, constantly spooked blonde boy.

 **Tweek**

"Oh Jesus! Oh God! I can't do it man! It's too much pressure!"

He noticed Clyde rolling his eyes and smiling as he restlessly attempted to tackle the equations on his worksheet. Math class with him was always a bit of a rollercoaster and Clyde began to chuckle to himself as Tweek did his best to push through the questions, interspersed every now and then with a "GAH!" or a "JESUS!"

Eventually dropping his pencil and gripping his hands into tight, shaky fists as he felt the threat of an anxiety attack begin to rise within his body, he simply sat with his eyes closed whilst trying to breathe slowly and with proper measure.

"How am I ever gonna get a diploma if I can't even get through these?" he said meekly as he tried to steady his nerves.

"Don't worry about it. You've got all year to get good"

"I should be good enough by now, man! I shouldn't still be having so much trouble! What if I can't get it?! What if I don't graduate?! What will happen to me if I flunk out?!"

"Dude! Chill!" Clyde said as he reached out to grab his friend. "You'll be okay if you just take it slow"

Tweek sat there breathing deeply as he stared back towards the page that lay on the table. All of the problems seemed to jumble up and looked completely alien as he tried to make sense of them and it really brought him down to know that he had so much trouble in trying to get his head straight. He knew he wasn't dumb, but sometimes it really felt like he was and that only added to how much of a skittish wreck he was and made him feel like even more of a loser.

"I just…I can't help but get freaked out. I just know that when I take the final exams that it's all gonna go to hell"

"It doesn't have to if you just take it easy. You've got this, man"

"I…I don't know…"

"Look, I'll show you" said Clyde as he pulled the sheet closer towards himself and pointed to the first problem on the page. Carefully and caringly he began to lead Tweek through the equation and after only a few seconds it all became extremely clear to Tweek that he already knew how to solve it. Again, he knew he wasn't dumb, but sometimes he could get so worked up that he simply couldn't take any of the information onboard and that was what worried him. He wasn't incapable, he was just terrified of failing.

"The degree is order 4" Tweek suddenly interrupted, making Craig stop and boggle for a moment.

"That's…right" he said before becoming suddenly chirpier, "See? You can do it. You just gotta take your time"

"I guess…" said Tweek, knowing his problems ran much deeper than that. The two simply carried on as they worked through the problems together and eventually Clyde was distracted by some other students at another table, leaving Tweek alone to look towards the window and daydream.

Gazing out into the cool morning, he allowed his mind to wander back to earlier when he'd woken up without Craig and wondered what must have dragged him away during the night. They hadn't had a fight or anything like that, so why then had he ended up sleeping separately? He figured he should have asked Craig at some point before they'd gotten to school but he had been feeling particularly on edge that morning and hadn't had the brainpower to spare. Now he'd managed to calm down a little and wondered whether or not he should bring it up later.

Craig could do unexpected things sometimes, and that was one of the things he loved about him. Just when you thought you could predict what he would do in a particular situation, he'd often go and do the opposite and Tweek always found it sort of exciting - if not also rather exasperating and anxiety-inducing. Still, it always seemed to work out rather interestingly and Craig always kept him entertained. That was just how they worked and he loved that about them. With that in mind, surely whatever had pulled Craig away couldn't have been that bad, and with a sigh he brushed off those troubling thoughts and went back to tackling his algebra.

'I've got you this time, math, you dick!' he thought to himself as he narrowed his brow and glared at the page.

 **Craig**

"So things are turning bad with you two?" Token asked as he sat with Craig on the benches at the side of the basketball court. They had free period together and usually spent the time shooting hoops instead of studying.

"No" Craig mumbled without looking at his friend and continued to sit there in a huff.

"Are you mad at me or something?"

"No" he said with the same grouchiness, knowing full well that he was pissed off with him for not being any help.

"You sure? 'Cos it looks like you're being a whiny bitch"

Craig flipped him off.

"Look, it's good you admitted something's wrong but you've gotta be able to explore it a little, man. I mean, how else can you fix it?"

Fuck. Was he really saying that to him? Was he really telling him that he had to talk even more? He'd done all his talking last night, now it was Token's turn and he was telling him that he still had to blabber on about how he felt. To hell with that. He wasn't shifting.

"So, what are you gonna do?"

Silence.

"Come on, Craig, tell me something"

Silence.

"Look, you better start talking or it's just gonna get worse."

Silence.

"You're just gonna hurt him, you know"

Okay. That was the red button.

"Don't you think I know that?!" he suddenly spat. "Don't you think I know that if I tell him I'm not sure if I love him he's just gonna be crushed?! How can I even start to explain this to him if even I don't know what I feel?"

Token sighed. Craig was right, but it wasn't good enough. He wished he knew what to say to make it better, but he really didn't know.

"Okay. Well, what I think I know is: you say you've been together for like…ever, but you're not sure if you love him. Do you know you don't love him?"

"Definitely not. I may not be sure that I love him but I'm absolutely sure that I don't not love him. Does that even make sense?"

"Sure, sure. So, that's gotta mean that there's a chance you love him, right?

"I don't know, man" Craig said meekly – an emotion that was unusual for him. He was hurting though so that was a good enough excuse.

"Okay, well, even if you don't know that then at least you can say you care for him a great deal, right?"

"Yes. I really do care for him. I'd do anything for him"

"Well, maybe that's love. I mean, I don't know, but perhaps that's all love is: being willing to do anything for someone and caring for them a lot"

Craig sighed. "I don't know. I just figured there'd be more. Like, I'd feel more inside or something"

"You're not good at feeling things" Token said with a smirk and it seemed to make Craig smile too.

"I guess not. I always figured I'd be able to feel something like this though"

"Maybe you just haven't realised how it's meant to feel for you yet"

"Maybe."

"So, come on! Just stay the course, buddy. It'll all work out"

"I…guess…" said Craig as he let his gaze wander over to the group of boys on the court who were tossing a basketball back and forth. He watched as they jumped and jostled around together and couldn't help but let his mind wander to more sordid ideas. It was nice watching athletic boys jump around together and the idea of a bunch of guys brushing up against one another in heated passion bore a lot of relevance to his current state of imagination. Somehow it seemed to show and after a moment he noticed Token still staring at him and trying to figure him out. He decided if this was as open as he was going to get then perhaps it wouldn't be the worst moment to let Token know a little more about his troubles.

"What would you say if I said I was…curious about other people"

"Curious?" Token asked, finding it an odd word to come out of Craig. "Curious how?"

"Like…I've been with Tweek forever, and I've only been with him…"

Token puzzled for a second and then suddenly understood what his friend was saying.

"Oh…right. You wanna…You been thinking about…other…guys?"

"Yes guys!" said Craig exhaustedly. He really wasn't in the mood for discussing his ambiguous sexuality at that moment as well.

"Okay. Well, I guess that's okay. But what exactly do you wanna do?"

Craig looked away again and simply thought for a moment before responding.

"I don't know. Tweek is great and in some ways I figure he's all I need but…sometimes I just wonder what it would be like to…play the field or something. I don't know"

Token nodded. "I get that. It's gotta be hard wondering what's out there and not being able to explore."

Craig felt pretty shitty for even admitting it and couldn't believe he was actually saying out loud that he wanted more than Tweek. Or wanted to try things other than Tweek. Or try the same things he did with Tweek but with other people. Or whatever. He felt like a dick.

"Look, I'm not gonna do anything about it, but it's been bugging me a lot lately and I just can't seem to let it go"

"Well, maybe you don't have to" said Token, making Craig pause and look up at him with tentative intrigue. The two simply held each other's gaze for a moment as the implications of what Token had said began to sink in.

"You mean…cheat on Tweek?" Craig asked with a hint of disgust.

"No! No way, man! If you do that I'll fucking kick your ass!"

"Then what?"

Token swallowed hard and steadied himself before he continued.

"I mean, what about if you were to maybe…change your relationship a little"

"Like how?"

"Like…what if you were to have like an…open relationship"

"An open relationship? What do you mean?"

"Well, you've been wanting to explore other people or other things but you don't wanna break up with Tweek, right?"

"Right"

"So…what if you agree with him that you two stay together but still allow each other to maybe try things out with other guys?"

Craig was dumbfounded. He'd heard of open relationships but never figured he would be considering the possibility of one. It just seemed so wrong but, at the same time, seemed to be what he wanted. He hadn't thought about it before, but now it was on the table it seemed like exactly what he needed – at least for a short time.

"I…I have no idea how that would even work" he said shakily as he tried to process the thought. "How would I even bring it up?"

"I guess you should just talk about it with him. Try and figure out if he feels the same way, or if he would at least be open to the idea"

"You think he could handle it?"

"You know him better than I do. What do you think?"

"I…don't know…" he said as he looked down at his shoes. He couldn't believe how much speed this idea was picking up in his mind and it seemed all of a sudden that this prospect was at the forefront of his what he wanted to do. He really did want to explore sex and relationships with other people, there was no denying that now. But could Tweek really handle him going off and trying to get with other guys? Would Tweek maybe want to do the same?

Suddenly he found his mind was flooded with a whole new slew of questions, but somehow they seemed so much more exciting than stressing over whether or not he loved Tweek.

Maybe he did and maybe he didn't. All he did know was that there was now a potential opportunity to try other guys and still hold onto Tweek. It was scary, but it was also exciting and he knew he had to put it to his boyfriend somehow and see if he would be open to it.

As they continued to chat idly as they waited for the period to draw to a close, neither one of them noticed the lump of a human-being sitting a short way behind them, stuffing junk food into his mouth and listening intently. They really should have checked for him.

 **Tweek**

Tweek shakily poured himself a cup of coffee from the freshly brewed pot he'd put on as soon as he'd gotten home from school. Craig had seemed awfully quiet in the car before he'd dropped him off and, try as he might, he just couldn't work his way into his psyche. Shrugging it off to Craig just being Craig, Tweek had cheerily parted from him when they'd arrived at his house and tottered up to his house which he found was empty – just as he'd expected. By that time, his caffeine withdrawal was getting kind of desperate and putting the coffeemaker on had been the first thing he'd done.

As he brought the fresh cup to his lips, he drank deeply of the hot liquid and sighed contentedly after he swallowed. It was tough not being able to get coffee at school and the thermos he usually took with him only ever seemed to last until lunch at the latest. Getting through the afternoons was always a sluggish struggle and he breathed yet another sigh of relief as he felt the wonderful stuff permeate into his soul.

Turning around and resting against the kitchen counter as he sipped, he looked around and listened silently, wondering if perhaps there was anything to hear. It was deathly quiet in his house and it made him feel pretty alone. He was always alone when he got home from school as his parents were always busy with the coffee shop. It was kind of nice not having them around in some ways as it usually meant he and Craig could get a few hours alone to do whatever they wanted. Today though was not one of those days as Craig had mumbled something about having a lot of homework and needing to get it done. There was definitely something up with that guy and Tweek made a mental note to find out what it was, come hell or high water. He'd said he'd swing by again later that night once he'd finished whatever it was he was doing and so Tweek figured he couldn't really complain. He wanted to spend more anxiety-free time with his boyfriend after the past weeks' ordeal and he really hoped he hadn't proven so much to handle during that time that Craig was now trying to avoid him.

What if he was? What if he'd decided he'd had enough? What if he was avoiding him on purpose and was lying about having other things to do?

Tweek closed his eyes and took a deep breath to try and steady his nerves. He was absolutely not going to let paranoia start setting in now. After all, it was probably just the caffeine withdrawal stopping him from thinking straight. He was definitely not going to plunge himself into a self-initiated pit of worry and despair. He was going to calm down and concentrate on something else. Anything else. Craig wasn't avoiding him. He was just being kooky.

 **Craig**

Staring down at his phone as he sat in the car, he simply sat and agonized over whether or not to call Tweek. He'd only dropped him off a few minutes ago but now he was sat in his car at the side of the road, wondering if he should go straight back there and get all of his feelings out in the open.

God, he hated himself. He had no idea how Tweek was going to react. No, fuck that. He knew exactly how Tweek would react. He would crack. He would think they were breaking up. There was absolutely no way he would take it easily.

Then again, would he? After all, he got him more than anyone else. Perhaps he would understand where he was coming from. After all, there were many occasions when he didn't give him enough credit for being able to handle such things. Maybe it would in fact be okay, or at least something that wouldn't tip him completely over the edge.

Craig dropped his phone into his lap and gripped the steering wheel tightly. What was he going to do? How was he going to do it? He didn't know. All he did know was that the question was killing him and he hated how he'd been churning these thoughts over and over and still not coming any closer to a solution.

Beginning to feel rage bubble up in his stomach, he found himself starting to bang his hands angrily against the wheel and pretty soon he found himself shouting out into the solitude of the car. After a few moments he stopped and sat there quietly steaming, wishing he wasn't in the situation he was in. Once again he asked himself why he'd told Token about his problem and allowed anyone to see his secret shame. At the same time, he really wanted to find out what Tweek would say to this crazy idea of an open relationship. The idea that he might just get to see what things would be like with other guys was so exciting. He was so mad with himself and so excited at the same time and it was a feeling he had no idea what to do with.

He sat there in the car for what must have been an hour as he simply pondered his situation and the open relationship idea. Eventually finding enough courage to turn back around, he cranked the engine and pulled the car back onto the road in the direction that he'd come. It didn't take long to get back to Tweek's house and after he pulled up and turned off the engine, he sat and looked up at the house wondering if he really wanted to do what he was planning.

After a while, he got out and made the walk up to the front door. It seemed longer than it usually did.

 **Tweek**

"Hey. I didn't expect you back so soon"

Standing on his tiptoes, he reached up to kiss Craig quickly before letting him inside and closing the door behind him.

"You want some coffee or something? Or a snack maybe?"

"Naw, I'm good" Craig replied, giving him a half smile and walking over towards the couch.

"I wish I knew you were coming, I would have finished up all this mess" Tweek said as he wandered over to join him and began pulling his homework off of the coffee table. Craig watched him as he pottered around and Tweek was sure his smile grew a little as he watched him. Hopefully it was because he thought he was being cute. Craig had said many times he was a pretty boy and he felt so glad to have him.

Something seemed off about Craig though and he really hoped he might be able to get it out of him this time.

"So, I was thinking about baking some cookies or something" bubbled Tweek, clearly at ease due to Craig's presence. "I figure I can't screw it up this time if I just stick exactly to the recipe. I know last time they were really underbaked, and then extremely overbaked when I tried to fix it but I guess that's why they write baking times in the recipe, huh?"

"Yeah" Craig strained after a moment and making Tweek pause. After looking at him for a second or two, Tweek simply sat down next to him and took his hand in his. Giving it a gentle squeeze, he met his boyfriend's gaze.

"Look. I know you don't want me to worry or freak out but I figure something really is up with you and it's not just the stuff that's been going on recently. I think there's something else and I want you to tell me. I promise I won't freak out, or at least I'll try my hardest. Please let me in"

Craig just looked into those beautiful, blue eyes that looked back at him with total understanding and an impossible about of calmness for their owner. This complex, impossible little crackerjack of a boy could always surprise him by behaving so uncharacteristically calm at moments like these and he wondered if there would ever be a time when he stopped bewildering him.

Taking a steady breath, he took Tweek's other hand and turned his entire body so he was looking him directly in the face.

"Tweek…you're amazing"

"Aww, go on…" the blondie replied with a smile.

"We've been together for what seems like forever and I wanna be with you for a whole lot longer"

"Well, me too" he said wondering what Craig was getting it. Was he going to ask him to marry him or something? It certainly sounded like one of those sweet moments in the movies when some guy would ask some girl to spend her life with him. With an intrigued and expectant smile, he simply sat and waited for Craig to carry on.

"Well, we really have been together forever…and neither one of us has ever had anyone else"

Tweek just nodded. Craig sounded genuine and as if his intentions were good, but something about his tone was still off.

"Well, I've been wondering lately if that's really the best thing…for us"

"Huh?"

"What I mean is…shit…I don't know how to say it…What I mean is, do you ever wonder what it would be like if we weren't together?"

Tweek just sat and thought for a second. That was certainly a question he hadn't expected. More to the point, he had no idea how to answer it because: no, he hadn't really thought about it.

"I…don't know" he said after a long pause.

"Well, I've been thinking about it and…I was wondering if perhaps you had ever thought about it too. But I guess not…"

"Well, no, but to be honest, I've never really needed to…" he trailed off as he suddenly noticed Craig wasn't simply professing his affection. That was definitely not what this was and a sudden pang of terror shot through his body that unmistakably began to show in the form of tremors and fidgeting.

"Are you…saying…" Tweek began as he tried to produce the words to a question that could prove fatal for him. "Are you…breaking up with me?"

Craig's eyes widened.

"No! Absolutely not! Don't think that! I do NOT want to break it off. I still want you to be mine"

"Oh, thank God!" Tweek said with a relieved breath and took a few moments to let the adrenaline dissipate. "So…what are you trying to say?"

Craig swallowed hard and looked down at his knees. It was now or never.

"What I'm getting at is…what would you think about-"

"Hang on a sec" Tweek suddenly said as he pulled out his phone and began tapping at the screen.

Craig huffed heavily. His boyfriend's ADHD could be exasperating at times.

"Tweek, I just need you to listen right now-"

"It's a text from Eric Cartman" he said puzzlingly.

"Cartman? Okay, whatever. Can it wait just a second…?"

"He says 'Sorry to hear about you and Craig splitting. Wanna talk?'"

That was weird. Why was Cartman texting him, let alone saying something like that? Furthermore, what the hell was he talking about 'splitting'? Craig just said that wasn't what was happening. Yet here was Cartman offering condolences or something like that. What was going on?

"That fat fucking dick" Craig grumbled angrily, suddenly realizing he must have been there when he was talking about it with Token.

"What does he mean?" Tweek asked timidly, now feeling extremely confused and worried.

Craig just sat there silently and looking more conflicted than he'd ever seen him.

"Craig! Talk to me!" Tweek pleaded as he gripped his boyfriend's hands. Craig looked up at him with pain in his eyes. He had to do it.

Now.

"Tweek…" he began.

Tweek just hung there on the razor's edge, silently waiting to be put out of his misery.

"What do you think about…an open relationship?"

"What?" he half whispered/half croaked in reply.

"I mean…what do you think about seeing other people?"

"Oh…" he breathed as the concept ploughed into him like a speeding truck.

The two just sat there in silence as the words sunk in and all the sound that remained after a few moments in the silent living room was their breathing – and possibly Tweek's heartbeat as he felt his chest beginning to pound.

"But…I love you"

Craig fought the need to look away in shame.

"That doesn't have to stop"

"Don't you love me?"

Oh God. There it was. That question he hated so much and usually diffused like a bomb. Something told him that wasn't going to work this time though.

"Come on, Tweek. Don't be silly"

"Do you love me?"

Tweek said it with much more urgency in his voice that time and stared deep into Craig's eyes as he desperately hoped the answer would be yes.

Craig didn't know what to do. Should he lie? Should he just tell the truth and try to explain? What was the right thing to say?

After another long moment he let his eyes fall to his lap and let out a rocky, strained sigh.

"I don't know"

"Oh…" said Tweek, suddenly feeling as if the room was closing in. As soon as the words hit him he felt as if his clothes were getting tighter and were making it harder to breathe and as a sour, agonizing throb of fear and panic began to swell inside him, so too did he feel himself getting up from the couch and shuffling towards the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Craig asked as he looked at him sorrowfully.

"I…I just need to go to the bathroom…I'll be right back"

With that, he slowly began to climb the stairs. Every step he took dragged on the carpet as it felt like his legs were made of lead. As he pushed on, he desperately tried to make sense of what was happening.

He hoped what was inside wasn't showing on the outside. He didn't want Craig to feel like he couldn't handle what he'd just been told. If there was one thing he was sure of though, it was that his heart had ripped in two.

 **And now the relationship shitstorm can begin! I shouldn't be happy. After all, Tweek's just been kicked in his emotional nuts. Still, now I can really delve into the messy world of what's to come!**

 **Hope you liked it! A review? For me? You shouldn't have! But seriously though, do go and leave one! It's so nice to know what you think. Don't be shy!**

 **See you soon, Creek shipmates!**


	4. Moonshine

**Hey, chilluns! Sorry if things seem to be a smidge delayed from here on out. I got some tests I need to be studying for so you know…life sometimes forces you to respect priorities despite really not wanting too. Forget about that though! Here's some creek for ya!**

 **Too Old For This Crap**

 **Chapter 4: Moonshine**

 **Tweek**

An open relationship.

Had he heard him correctly?

What had he meant?

Tweek stared at himself in the mirror as he struggled to control his breaths. It seemed as if there were something inside him that was maniacally trying to force him to breathe fast and deeply. As he gripped the sink he continued to stare at himself in the mirror and commanded himself not hyperventilate.

He'd been there a while now and he wasn't sure if he'd been there long enough to cause Craig to worry about him. Did it even matter at that moment? Would he even come looking for him considering what had just been said?

Feeling his breaths begin to wane and the surge of adrenaline that had been pumping throughout his body begin to fade away, he felt his grip start to weaken on the porcelain bowl before him and slowly he steadied himself downwards towards the floor. He ended up on his side and hunched over as he tried to hide away from the world, from the pain inside, and from himself.

What was he going to do now? Craig had just said he didn't want to be with him. Or, if not that, then something along those lines. What did being in an open relationship mean? What would he be expected to do? Or not do? Would they still really be together? Did it mean they would be kind of semi-boyfriends? Could he deal with the thought of Craig dating other guys? Or girls? Oh, God! Girls! What if he discovered he liked girls more than boys and decided he wanted get married and have kids? What would he do then? What is he went and got some girl pregnant and broke it off with him for good. What would happen to him? Where would he ever find someone else? He'd be alone forever. He'd die alone.

"Just slow down" he whispered to himself as he worked his hands into his hair and began to tug gently. He had to try and slow his tortured mind. This would go from bad to worse if he didn't keep tabs on himself and he knew he had to try and keep it together at that moment.

Maybe he was jumping the gun. Maybe he just needed to take a second and let Craig explain what he meant. After all, he'd said he didn't want to break up, right? He'd said he still wanted to be together, he just wanted to mix things up a bit. Yes, they had been in a relationship for ages so perhaps it was okay that he was admitting he wanted to expand his horizons.

Did that mean he was bored though? Was this just a precursor to a breakup? How would he deal with that? How would he carry on without Craig? How would he survive? How would he do anything?!

On top of that, he said he didn't love him. Or something. Something about not knowing whether he loved him. How in God's name could he not know that? How could he not love him after all this time? What had he done so wrong to prevent Craig from loving him? What was wrong with him?!

His emotional seesawing was suddenly interrupted as he heard a gentle knock on door and lifted his head when he heard Craig's heavy-hearted voice come from the other side.

"Tweek? Are you okay?"

Tweek felt his jaw quivering as he stared wide-eyed at the closed door, wondering what he should do.

"I'm coming in, okay?" he heard Craig say as he heard the lock begin to jiggle and in a split second he picked himself up and tried to straighten his clothes, hoping that Craig wouldn't be able to tell he was crumbling.

After a moment or two the door pushed open to reveal the taller boy standing there and looking pretty downtrodden. He clearly looked like he was carrying a mountain of grief and it saddened Tweek to see him looking so down. He didn't want him to be sad. He'd had the courage to bring this whole business up and he didn't deserve to feel shitty for it. Or did he? Tweek didn't know.

"Are you okay?" he said as he took a step forward and reached out to him. Tweek just stared at his outstretched hand and thought for a second, as if he didn't know what he was supposed to do with it. After a strange, oddly tense interval, he reached out and took it, taking a step forward and automatically wrapping his arms around his boyfriends waist whilst burying his face in his chest. It was a natural reflex he'd just seemed develop over the years they'd spent together. Even now it felt safe and secure, despite what was going on around him. In those arms he was home, or at least he could kid himself into believing that he was.

"Look, I'm sorry" Craig said as he nuzzled to top of Tweek's head. "I shouldn't have brought it up. Just forget about it, okay?"

Tweek looked up at him. "What do you mean you don't know if you love me?"

Craig closed his eyes and immediately looked regretful. Why the fuck had he said that? Why didn't he just lie or diffuse it like always? He knew Tweek was never going to have taken that well and hated himself for having gone and done it anyway. With a laboured sigh, he kept his eyes closed and spoke softly.

"I don't know what love feels like. I just don't know how to tell when you feel it"

"How do you know you don't feel it then?"

"That's just it. I don't know"

"Well…How-…How about-…Oh, God, I don't know…" said Tweek as he uselessly tried to find his words. "Are you sure you haven't just had enough of me?"

Craig squeezed him tighter. "Absolutely sure. I still need you, Tweek. I want to have you forever"

Tweek sniffed nervously. "Then why…" he began before shutting his mouth tightly as a thought popped into his mind. It was true Craig had never really felt loved – not from his parents, not from family and not by anyone else. Well, except for him, and Craig knew that he loved him. He had to know. Perhaps that was enough for now, despite how much it killed him inside to have to deal with such uncertainty over whether or not it was reciprocal. Craig may not have been certain that he loved him, but he was certain he loved Craig and had done for years. He needed Craig and he wasn't about to let him go. Perhaps then he just needed to let him do this. Perhaps if he let him do what he needed to do then he'd discover that he did love him. Perhaps this was just the way Craig needed to learn about himself and learn about them as a couple, because he clearly had no reference or anything real to compare it to. He was an abstract kind of guy, so maybe he needed this abstract method of learning to love.

Oh, God! What a stupid fucking thought! How was he even considering this was okay? This was definitely not a good thing and it was just ridiculous that he was even thinking it! How could Craig possibly think he was going to be okay with this proposal? How did he think he was going to handle it? How could Craig have done this?!

What were his options though? Say no and risk Craig resenting him over time? Say yes and risk losing him to someone else?

Risk.

That's all this was. Suddenly he had no option but to take a risk either way and he hated that he had no choice. He never liked making decisions when so much was at stake and all he wanted was for the ground to swallow him up and take the pressure away.

"I…I need to think about it" was all Tweek could say as he desperately held onto the comfort he found in Craig's embrace. It seemed like that was all he had now and he just couldn't think about anything else.

The two stayed there in the bathroom for a long time, just holding each other in silence and trying to let the dust settle. It was such a big thing for both of them to consider and they were both clearly cut up by the shocking amount of heartache that had been brought on. Still, probably better out in the open rather than bottled up where it could fester.

Their unsettled clinging to each other was eventually interrupted by a sound from downstairs that signalled Tweek's parents arriving and it seemed to instantly snap them out of their trance. Tweek took a few deep breaths as he tried to orientate himself after such long meditative hugging and, after a moment, shouted back to something his mom yelled up the stairs.

"I'll…be down in a moment" he called weakly and blinking as if he didn't quite believe the world he'd opened his eyes to.

"I…think I should go" Craig mumbled as he looked at Tweek mournfully.

"You don't have to" he replied, wishing that he wouldn't leave him to ponder alone.

"No, I should. My parents will get mad if I don't show my face at home"

"Oh…okay"

"Are you gonna be okay?"

Tweek just looked up at him. There were no words.

"Okay. Look, I'll call you later." Was all Craig could say, hating himself for not being able to say something comforting or even appropriate for that moment. It was as if he had come in, beat the shit out of Tweek and was now leaving him to deal with his injuries on his own. He felt like garbage, because that's what he was: garbage.

He didn't deserve Tweek. Had he ever really deserved Tweek?

With that, he turned and slowly made his way out of the bathroom and down the hall. Taking the stairs slowly, he made sure not encounter either of Tweek's parents as he silently snuck out of the house and made his way across the lawn. Getting into his car, he turned on the engine in an instant and recklessly pulled away from the curb before speeding down the street. As he drove, he felt his grip tighten like a vice around the steering wheel as his breathing became heavy and heated. He was angry with himself and he hated everything he was at that moment.

Pulling the car to a halt. He simply sat there in the middle of the road, fervently sucking and blowing air through his clenched teeth and, with as much might as he could muster, fought back tears which began to sting his eyes as they threatened to roll down his cheeks. He'd blindsided Tweek and just left him there to deal with it on his own and yet – and yet – he still wanted this open relationship he'd suggested. He needed to experience other people. It was like an ever-growing calling and he just couldn't ignore it. Tweek was great, but he needed to try more.

He was such a goddamn fucking selfish bastard and he just wanted to die.

 **Craig**

Where was going to go? How was leaving Tweek at a time like this going to help things? His parents probably didn't give a crap if he went home or not and he figured it was a pretty poor excuse for getting out of there and one that Tweek probably hadn't bought. That just made it all the worse to think that his boyfriend was probably still listlessly standing in that bathroom and agonizing over what he'd just been told. Fuck. He knew Tweek couldn't deal with these sorts of things alone and he'd still left him. He was filth. He was the absolute worst of humanity that didn't deserve the boy he'd clearly just crushed.

And still, he drove on, aimlessly making his way through blocks of houses as the snow gently fell on his windshield. Where could he even go? Who would even take him in at a moment like this?

After a mile or two more he stopped at a red light and just stared at the intersection in front of him. He was heading into the bad part of town now and he could already see homeless people shuffling along the sidewalk in the cold. With a pained breath, he reached up and rubbed his tired, sore eyes and tried to think of what was going to happen now. He'd left it so openly with Tweek that he didn't even know how he was meant to go forward. Who was meant to talk to whom? Was Tweek meant to give him a yes or no or was he simply meant to just do what he had said?

When the light turned green, he slowly rolled forward and into the next street as he tried to figure out where to go and soon found himself heading in the direction of his only friend that lived close by. Thankfully, this was probably the most appropriate friend for a time like this and he really hoped he would find some kind of solace when he got there. Token would probably only make him feel worse and, despite him being a great guy, he couldn't help him now. Clyde had no clue about any of this and probably wouldn't tell him anything useful. He didn't really trust anyone else with something like this, except for this one other person. As he pulled up at the one helpful friend's house, he suddenly felt a breath of hope fill him and, after a short walk through the trash-strewn, haphazard front yard, he pushed the bell and waited to be greeted.

When the door opened, he was flooded with light and a weird chemical smell that he really hoped wasn't some constituent of meth. Before him stood a haggard-looking woman with a bad dye job and a dirty green t-shirt who looked up at him distrustfully.

"Who are you?" she said warily.

"Craig" he replied, wondering if she really didn't recognize him.

"What do you want?"

"Kenny, please" he said with a steely voice.

The woman just gave him a suspicious look and let him into the messy home. Making his way through the chaotic living room and down a dingy, poorly lit hallway, he arrived outside his friend's room and tentatively knocked on the door.

"What?" he heard a perturbed voice call from the other side before he opened the door to reveal Kenny sprawled out on his bed and looking sort of dazed.

"Craig? What are you doing here?" the scruffy blonde boy asked hazily.

"I need to talk" he replied as he entered and closed the door behind him.

"To me?" Kenny asked, finding it odd that Craig would come to him.

"Yeah. I didn't know where else to go"

"Jeez, is it serious?"

"Sorta. I don't really know"

"Well, tell me, man."

Craig sighed. He figured he may as well just get it out there.

"I asked Tweek what he thought about us having an open relationship"

"Shit. Really?" Kenny asked, suddenly becoming more alert.

"Yeah. It didn't go-…" he wanted to say 'well' but he wasn't sure if that was the right word. It hadn't definitely gone badly, it had just gone…it had just gone. He'd handled it terribly but their actual conversation had gone rather blankly with no real resolve.

"…like I thought it would" he finally finished.

"Well, damn. Is Tweek alright?"

"No. Maybe. I don't really know. I left without really making sure. I'm a cunt"

Kenny chuckled and grabbed his friend's shoulder, giving it a gentle rub of support.

"You're not a cunt, man. You're a dumbass, but you're not a cunt"

"I…" began Craig before suddenly feeling a small smile break through his feeling crappy. "You always know what to say"

"I just figure you can't go around calling yourself things like that if it's not true. Besides, you probably didn't mean for things go the way they did. But seriously, how did it actually go?"

"Well-"

"Hang on" Kenny said before hopping up and walking over to his dresser. He rummaged around for a second before he pulling out a mostly-full bottle of some clear liquid. "Wanna take the edge off?"

Craig squinted at the bottle.

"Is that…moonshine?" he asked with a sneer.

"Finest moonshine in Colorado" he said as he paced back over to the bed proudly.

"Where'd you get it?"

"You'd be surprised at the advances made over the past few years in the field of fake I.D.'s"

"Then why not buy something better than moonshine?"

"Cheap is cheap, my friend" said Kenny as he opened the bottle and took a sip. Holding the bottle out, Craig hesitantly took it off of him and smelled the horrible mess that waited inside.

"What the hell?" he said before taking a swig. Instant regret shot through his body as the foul-tasting fluid burned his very soul and he groaned breathily as the ghastly stuff slipped down into his stomach. "Smooth"

Kenny sniggered. "You may not be a cunt, but you sure are a pussy!"

 **Tweek**

Tweek sat alone on the floor next to his bed in the growing darkness of his room. Outside, snow was falling and collecting at the edge of his window, but he didn't notice as he simply sat and stared into the void, teeth clenched tightly together and hands tugging at his hair.

He really wished he knew what to do. He wished he could tell himself what could be done to make it all better. Usually at times like these he would go to Craig and then, regardless of what might happen, things would at least seem okay. Now he couldn't go to him despite wanting nothing more than to just fall into his arms.

As he sat, he tried to concentrate on keeping his breathing steady, but since their conversation earlier he'd felt a deep, pressing thirst for air inside that he just couldn't shake. Increasingly it felt as if his lungs were being constricted and, despite doing everything he could to calm down, it was starting to feel painful. He didn't know if that pain was real or if he was just imagining it, but it was there and was really beginning to bite. At the same time, his shakes were going crazy and no amount of gripping his hands into fists, or sitting on them, or yanking his hair, or trying to do anything to distract himself was helping them to stop.

He wasn't crying though, and he felt that was kind of weird. He was upset, that was undeniable, but he just didn't feel like crying. He felt hurt and alone and desperate and so many other things, but teary wasn't one of them and he simply had no clue what that meant. Did it mean he wasn't feeling things properly? Did it mean he didn't really care? Surely not. He had to care, right? He felt so much going on within him that he definitely had to care. Where were the tears though? He felt so upset and hopeless but still no tears. What did that mean?

Maybe he was broken. Maybe he'd been hit so hard that he wasn't able to react properly. Or maybe this was the proper reaction for a normal person but his brain was just giving him the wrong signals. Oh, God! Maybe there was something wrong with his brain! Maybe he had finally gone genuinely nuts! Maybe he had a brain tumor!

Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!

As he sat there barrelling into a mental catastrophe, so too did his breathing quickly begin to speed up from its already-too-fast rate. His whole body suddenly seemed to jitter around on its own accord and no amount of will power could make it stop. At the same time his skin felt like it was crawling and his clothes were tightening around him like a snake and without thinking he began to pull at his clothes and skin to try and find comfort once more, - or at least a position in which he could breathe properly.

Seconds later he found himself on all fours, panting at the floor with his shaky arms only barely keeping him up. With each breath his voice caught in his throat and each exhale was accompanied by a strained, high-pitched vocalization. What was happening? Why was he suddenly so panicky? Why could he suddenly not handle things?

Desperately fumbling in his pockets, he ripped out his phone and opened it to the contact list. Scrolling through, he diligently scrutinized the names as he thumbed through them and bit his lip when he found there was no one he felt he could talk to. How could he possibly not have one friend he could go to with something this major? How was it that Craig had been his only serious lifeline considering he was such a goddamn nutcase? Surely there had to be someone he could talk to at a time like this. But who? He and Token didn't really have that kind of relationship, Clyde would have no clue how to deal with something like this, he and Kyle really weren't close enough for that, and Kenny was-…KENNY!

He was the one. Kenny was the guy he needed to talk to right now. With a few flicks, he shakily raised the phone to his ear and waited for it to ring. His lip began to quiver as ring after ring sounded from the tiny speaker and then, when the final ring passed and the call went to voicemail, he felt all of the air rush out of his lungs as his clothes drew to their tightest yet. Falling flat on the floor, he ripped at his shirt and popped several of the buttons as it came off. Throwing it to the side, he writhed on his bedroom carpet as he gasped for breath and squeaked pathetically as he now began to feel completely and undeniably alone. He hated it so much.

With unsteady, almost powerless movements, he gradually shuffled his body across the floor towards his closet and simply lay there for a few seconds as he tried to clear his mind. Doing anything just seemed so impossible and he needed to escape. He just had to get out of this room or, if not there, then out of his torn up mind. Still, was doing what he now already seemed to be in the process of doing the right thing?

He felt powerless to stop himself as he jerkily pushed himself onto his knees and, with impossibly shaky hands, began to dig for a shoebox that he'd been keeping at the back of the closet for years. With a pained gulp, he slowly opened the box and dug through several bottles and packets that rested inside, eventually coming to one in particular. Holding it up in front of himself, he simply stared at the small container with tired, terrified eyes and agonized over the choice he was about to make. The label read:

'Xanax. 0.5mg. Take one pill up to three times daily, or as prescribed by your doctor. Do not exceed prescribed dose. In the event of overdose, contact your nearest poison control center.'

Doing this was definitely an escalation and he had no idea if he wanted to make everything that much more serious than it already was. He'd hardly ever done this. He'd always found some way to avoid it. Now though he just didn't see any other way and all he knew was that he desperately wanted out.

Closing his eyes, he quickly popped the cap on the bottle and placed one of the small white tablets into his mouth. Holding it on his tongue for a second, he mentally kicked himself for giving into taking the drugs he'd fought against succumbing to for years and wondered for a few tense seconds if he should really let himself take that plunge. He'd promised so many times not to change himself. He'd promised he wouldn't become a mindless, blacked out junkie because he was perfect just as he was. Or so Craig had said.

There it was. He had been perfect for Craig. He'd said there was nothing wrong with him in his eyes. Oh, how wonderful that had been. It was different now though. If there was one thing Craig had finally admitted that day – regardless of whether he'd said it outright or not - it was that he most definitely, and most assuredly was not perfect. He wasn't even adequate, he was inadequate. Insufficient to his needs. Not what he wanted. A failure. That was why he wanted to take a break from him. That was why he wanted to try other people and try out relationships with them. That was why he wasn't there right now stopping him from doing this.

In one quick flick of his tongue, Tweek swallowed hard and felt the dry pill drag as it moved down his throat. It was done. He'd given in.

Even then the tears still didn't spill. It seemed he really was broken.

 **Craig**

"So you wanna fuck around with other guys or something?"

"Naw, man. I mean, you know, maybe, right?"

"I dunno, man" sniggered Kenny as he laughed at the slurred response.

"It's not like I really know what I want. I just know that this feels like what I should do"

"But why though? You fuck him too loose or something?"

"What?"

"His ass. Did you fuck Tweek's ass so much that it just hangs there like a stretched out old elastic band?"

"Dude! Eww! Not cool!" Craig drunkenly yelled. Kenny just laughed uncontrollably as his friend squirmed. "Why you always gotta cross that line?"

"Makes you laugh, I guess" he replied as he sipped at the now nearly empty bottle they'd been passing back and forth. Handing it to Craig, he lay back on his bed and continued to chuckle to himself as the room spun around him. Craig just leaned back against the wall as he sat on the bed and tipped the bottle once again up to his lips.

"I really wish I'd, like, figured this out properly before I did it though"

"Ehh… How can you really do something like that properly?"

"I just wish I hadn't made him so scared. I knew that it would and I still did it. I should have been able to, like, avoid the bad junk and…junk"

Kenny sighed groggily before mumbling, "Yeah, junk is bad…"

Craig looked down at Kenny and noticed looked no scruffier at that moment than he usually did. Now, however, he certainly had an added disequilibrium to his entire character. He lay there just rolling his head slowly from side to side with his eyes closed and bore a silly, lopsided smile that seemed to signal that no matter what came his way, he was always somehow fine. His hair was kind of haphazard and his shirt was riding up over his surprisingly taught navel. It looked good. Sexy even.

He suddenly looked away and stared wide-eyed at the old, ragged carpet of his friend's room. It was the booze. It was definitely the booze and his fraught emotional state that was making him loopy and forcing him to think ridiculous things. Kenny was not a sexual figure in his mind – that was for damn sure. No matter how cute he seemed right now he was definitely not a valid target for anything sexual.

Shaking his head, he took a quick, laboured breath and tried to clarify his thoughts which seemed to slosh around his mind like soup in a Tupperware bowl. Everything was pretty cloudy and he looked forward to the morning when things would be clearer. Or, at least, he hoped they would be.

"Looks like this is all gone" he blabbered after he took the final drop of the cheap, acrid hooch. Placing the empty bottle down on the sheets next to his leg, he turned his head to his friend that lay a short way from him and grunted irritably when he noticed his friend had fallen asleep. Slow, heavy breaths escaped his mouth as he slumbered in a drunken haze and Craig just turned his head back to look at his knees mournfully.

As he sat there he felt something sinking inside. It felt as if his whole body was becoming heavier and more sluggish. He felt so dreary and down and it was just awful. The moonshine almost hurt as it ran through his veins and, as some of it still lingered on his breath as he breathed, he began to feel disgusted with himself for yet another reason. And now, since Kenny had passed out, he also felt pretty alone.

He hated this feeling. He really wished coming here would have made everything feel better but it really didn't. He just hated the way everything had gone in the last few hours and he wished there was some way he could have made it work better. Why couldn't he have worded it differently? Why couldn't Tweek have been able to handle this without falling apart? How was it that they'd come so far and he was still just as anxious now as he ever had been. Sure, the boy had problems, but why couldn't there be a kind of failsafe for moments like this when he really needed to be able to handle the most serious things?

He sighed again. Was he really now starting to blame Tweek for the way things had gone? It had to be the booze again. This cheap, crappy, horrible booze Kenny had given him. It had to be playing fast and loose with his mind because blaming Tweek was definitely not what he really felt. He wanted Tweek. Right now. He wanted to be with him and hold him and be held. He felt like utter crap and just wanted to go somewhere he could feel good. Tweek had always made him feel good, and he needed him at that very moment.

 **Tweek**

Time had passed.

He had popped another pill shortly after the first, and then another after that.

He knew he should have waited to let them kick in.

He'd been desperate.

He'd wondered if a minute or an hour had gone by.

He' taken some more.

He'd needed to get out.

He'd worried about taking more but did it anyway.

He'd waited silently.

He'd begun to feel the tension leave him.

He wasn't worried now.

In fact, he wasn't worried about anything really. Sure, he was still sad about Craig, but it just didn't hurt in the same way. Or at all really. Everything felt numb and his whole body felt as if it were gently floating a few inches off the floor. Having moved from cowering in terror to simply leaning back against the wall inside the closet, he stared blankly into the darkness that had now completely surrounded him since the sun had gone down outside his window. His face was completely void of expression and his shakes had entirely disappeared. What he knew to be himself on every single day of his life seemed a million miles away as he hovered there and this strange, alien feeling penetrated right down to his bones. Is this what true calmness felt like?

He wasn't sure. In fact, he doubted it was because the room seemed to wobble a little as he sat still. It didn't spin exactly, but it wasn't completely stable. He knew he could get up if he wanted but he knew trying to do anything with a high degree of dexterity or balance was not a good idea. This must have been what being drunk was like and he had to admit he understood why his friends and boyfriend got into states like this every now and then. It was kind of nice. Then again, they always seemed to be having a lot more fun than he was having right now so perhaps this wasn't what being drunk was like. There was no real urge to smile or laugh, he just didn't feel anything. No emotion, no real sensations, no willpower, no desire and no pain. It was surprising really since he'd been so cut up barely an hour beforehand and had been in a place where he felt the room was closing in on him. That horrible heavy weight just seemed to be lifted now and in its place was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Especially no sore feelings about his boyfriend.

His boyfriend. That was an interesting thought. Where the very idea of him had previously cut him like a knife, there was now just blankness. A silent, white mist covering the image of Craig in his head. Why when he had been so horrifically anguished just a short time ago was he now sitting there like nothing had happened – or indeed as if nothing had ever happened in his entire life? It was the pills, obviously, but that pain had been so awful it was kind of confusing to think that those tiny white specks could have been so effective. Granted, he'd taken more than he should have but even then, was it possible that they could make him so numb that he just didn't feel that pain anymore?

Suddenly, he heard a soft, short whine that sounded as if someone were calling to him from outside a big glass dome. He was fairly certain he wasn't shut in somewhere. In fact, he felt the opposite and it puzzled him as he tried to figure out what was going on. Again, the noise came, only just a little clearer this time.. What was it?

"…wee…" it called again, making him narrow his brow a little as he turned his head out of the closet in the direction he thought it had come from. "…WEAK…"

Weak? Who was it calling weak? Was he weak? Was it calling him weak? Well, that was an understatement…

"…Tweek…"

Tweek. That was him. Someone was saying his name. Calling it. Turning his whole body, he began to crawl towards the source of the sound and found himself pushing himself up off of the floor when he got out of the closet. Finding it difficult to balance, he slowly wobbled towards the door – around which light from the hallway was streaming – and gently tackled the handle.

"Tweek! Can you hear me?" he heard someone call from the bottom of the stairs. It sounded like his mom. Carefully he made his way down the hall, making sure not to stray too far from the wall in case he needed to prop himself up. Thankfully equilibrium seemed to be on his side for the moment – however unlikely that may have seemed. Grasping hold of the rail at the top of the stairs, he looked down the incline to where his mom was standing and looking up at him.

"There you are. Didn't you hear me calling?"

"Huh?" he eventually replied, wondering exactly what it was she had said.

"Oh my. Busy day at school, hun? You tired?"

"I…yeah…tired…school…hun…" he mumbled as he tried to figure out exactly what she meant and what he should say back.

"Well, come down now, dear. Dinner's ready"

"…Alright" he said airily as he began to make the climb. He held tightly onto the rail as he made his way down and hoped to God he wouldn't misstep and fall. Upon seeing his mother, something way in the back of his mind told him that perhaps they might find it odd for him not to jitter. He didn't really care. There was no real capacity to care. He was lost somewhere in a sensory fog and he wasn't sure exactly how he would get back. He did know that falling down the stairs would probably attract a little too much attention though and knew he should try to avoid it.

When he got to the bottom, he made his way towards the kitchen and carefully pulled a seat out from the table before sitting down and staring blankly at the table. His dad was there, or at least he assumed he was. His mom was doing something with the dishes or, again, so he assumed. There was some clattering over by the counter so that must have been what was happening. It didn't matter though. He was too busy looking at the tabletop.

"You have a good day at school, son?" he heard a man's voice say. It must have been his dad.

"School?" he asked curiously without moving his gaze away from the wood in front of him.

"Yes, school. You did go, didn't you?"

"I did go"

"Right. So, anything interesting happen?"

Oh boy, did something interesting happen today. Something utterly terrible and unbelievably awful. Something he had never expected and something that had crushed him into the dust. But did it matter right now?

"No"

"That's good" said his father, clearly not really paying attention.

"Good. Very good" he mumbled in return. God, he felt out of it. He felt so freaking floaty and lazy at the same time. Just sitting there seemed like hard work although, one again, he didn't really care. He gave absolutely no craps about anything but he wasn't happy about it. Nor was he sad. He just was and that was fine.

His mom gave him a plate of something. Chicken, it seemed. Tentatively he made a start and surprisingly it seemed to go much better than it usually did. In fact, it turned out he was pretty hungry and began to find himself eating with more gusto than usual. It was good chicken, but he didn't really care. It was just something his body was telling him to do and so he did it.

Unbeknownst to him, his mom noticed him not clattering or having trouble keeping himself steady that evening and nudged her husband out of his disinterest to make him look at his son. The two simply stared as the still scruffy and oddly shirtless but now – surprisingly - unbelievably calm boy ate his dinner quietly. They exchanged concerned looks at the sight of their son's sudden non-jitteriness.

"You want some coffee, sweetheart?" his mom asked uneasily, holding up the pot that had been sitting on the table.

"Coffee" he said blandly as his concentration was interrupted. "Yes. I like coffee"

Again, they exchanged concerned looks.

"Okay, kiddo, here you are" she said as she poured a cup and pushed it across the table towards her son. He stared at it for a moment once she'd pushed it within his reach and cocked his head slightly as he tried to make sense of the small vessel that now sat before him. After a few seconds, he reached for it and slowly picked it up before bringing it to his lips. It tasted good. The coffee they had in their house always tasted good though. They were connoisseurs of coffee. He didn't care though. It was warm and delicious but it was coffee, and he just could not pay it much heed.

Looking up momentarily, his eyes settled on the clock that hung above the door. It was 7PM. Straight away he turned back to his food without making a sound and that was the way the rest of the meal panned out. His parents continued to share worried looks but nothing was said. They had no idea what was going on and even less of an idea for how to handle it. It was weird, but a way different kind of weird to what they were used to.

 **Craig**

A gentle, very quiet snore was emanating from Kenny as he lay sprawled out on the bed next to Craig. He himself remained sitting and propped up against the wall, just staring down at his knees in the dim light of his friend's bedroom. The moonshine had really taken its full effect now and his whole head was swimming as he thought about his situation. He could almost feel the cheap, disgusting booze pumping through his veins and he had no idea why anyone would get drunk on something so vile when there were so many better drinks upon which to get buzzed. Still, it was Kenny, and he didn't really expect anything less.

He thought about the things he and Kenny had gotten up to over the years. He thought about the first time they had snagged some bourbon from the collection of bottles his dad kept on a high shelf in his kitchen at home. They had only been about fourteen at the time, and Tweek had freaked out as they'd snuck off to the park and attempted to drink what they'd scored. Of course, neither one of them had had any kind of tolerance at that age and both he and Kenny had gotten pretty sick off of it. Tweek had indeed gone completely one flew over the cuckoo's nest when they'd starting ailing from the drink and had run around in a panic as he tried to figure out what to do. Craig had been in no state to help him at that moment but he had nonetheless managed to calm down on his own after a little while and managed to help them both get back to his house. After helping Kenny to the bathroom and sticking his head into the toilet, Tweek had sat in his bed and gently comforted him as he whined about the world turning around him and promising he'd never drink again. Although the memories of that particular instance weren't completely clear, he distinctly remembered looking up at his boyfriend at the time and seeing him smile gently and silently promising him he'd look after him. He knew he'd always remember the sight of those troubled but kind blue eyes that had stared back at him and whenever he was sad or nervous he always thought about that time and felt better.

He thought about it now. He thought about those beautiful eyes that had been making him feel better for the best part seven years and sighed sorrowfully as he held the image in his mind's eye. He thought about that ragged but lovely blonde hair that he always snuggled into at night, and those twitchy, shaky arms that always clung onto him whenever their owner was afraid – which, incidentally, was most of the time. He thought about everything to do with his boyfriend and turbulently mulled every single aspect of where they stood now. He really wished he had Tweek with him so he could talk about it. Actually, he really wished he had Tweek there so he could feel better. If he hadn't already felt lousy enough, the cheap liquor he'd shared with Kenny hadn't helped him at all. He now felt worse than ever and desperately wished he hadn't drunk so much.

Not knowing if it was the alcohol or his emotional state or both, he felt the unmistakeable sting of tears in his eyes once again as he gripped the sheet beneath him and tried to deny it. He hated crying. He didn't do it. It just wasn't him and he never let anyone see him crying – not even Tweek. That was an emotional realm he simply shut off from even himself with a huge, impenetrable wall and he hated whenever something from the other side forced its way through. Still, in his drunkenness his normal defences were massively inhibited and he couldn't deny his emotions their right to show themselves.

He missed Tweek so much, but it had only been a few hours since he'd last seen him. How was it possible that in such a short time and with things left so unclear that he actually missed him? Pulling out his phone, he looked at the screen and saw the time: '11:07'. Jesus, had it really been that long? It sure didn't feel like time had been going that fast, although he had been sitting alone for a while now since Kenny had passed out. Perhaps when he had sunken that far down into his pit of self-pity and despair that time became more fluid. With another sigh, he unlocked his phone and navigated to his photos. There were hundreds of pictures in his library that he'd never really taken the time to put on his computer. They were all pretty disorganised and there were all sorts of things he had pictures of. Of course, many of them were of himself and Tweek and it made him smile to see them sitting together in a whole bunch of selfies. Tweek always looked pretty jittery, but that was just him. He looked at himself and noticed how happy he seemed. The images of them just sitting there and staring up at the camera as he held it just seemed right and he felt kind of sad as he looked at picture after picture of the same thing. Did he even have that anymore? Did they?

God, he wanted Tweek. He wanted him so badly. He didn't know what he wanted to do with this whole open relationship thing, but he did know he wanted his boyfriend. He needed to feel okay, whatever that meant now. He needed to feel like he was in a safe place and that everything was going to be okay. He just needed him.

Fumbling in his pocket for a moment, he felt the sharp spikes of his keys and haphazardly yanked them out as he stumbled off of the bed. Looking back for a second at his friend as he steadied himself, he noticed Kenny looking no more conscious than he had for at least the last hour and huffed as he turned towards the door once again. He groaned angrily as he tried to force his brain to function and kicked himself mentally for getting drunk off his ass twice in two days. Jutting forward, he did his best to remain upright as he headed for the front door and snarled with aggravation as he struggled with the handle. Once in the hall, he supported himself the best he could against the wall as he made his way towards the outside and barely noticed Kenny's parents as he stumbled through the living room and yanked open the front door. It seemed they were either unconscious too or simply didn't care, and he discarded the thought of them as soon as the cold air bit him as he stood on the doorstep. Picking up his head, he stared across the dark yard and coughed gently as his eyes landed on his car at the kerb. This was a bad idea. A really, really bad, stupid, completely irresponsible idea.

Fuck it He didn't care. He needed Tweek. Shaking his head to try and gain some clarity, he began to pace through the snow towards the snow-covered vehicle.

 **Tweek**

He lay in his bed staring up at the ceiling. He didn't really remember everything that had happened that evening. There had been food at some point, but everything around that seemed kind of blurry. He remembered taking a shower as well and had at some point gotten into some pyjamas. Now he found himself in bed just staring and feeling somewhat less floaty than he had earlier. He was still kind of out of it but it had now become more of a peacefulness than a high. His whole body just felt still and his mind felt almost entirely untroubled. Sure, thoughts about Craig and their relationship had never really left him, but they still weren't hurting like they had several hours ago.

Suddenly remembering, he furrowed his brow as he thought about that weird text Cartman had sent him earlier. What the hell had that been about, and why had he offered his condolences? Why the hell should he care about him and Craig? Well, if experience was anything to go by then it surely meant there was some plot to dick on the both of them fairly soon and he just didn't feel like worrying about that right now. Cartman was just as irrelevant to him now as he always had been.

With a sigh, he closed his eyes and figured there was nothing left to do but sleep. Perhaps things would seem different in the morning. Hell, maybe he'd actually feel something then because he certainly didn't feel anything right now. Breathing slowly and peacefully, he felt himself becoming even freer from strife and found his thoughts becoming fewer and further between.

He didn't know how long he'd been laying there before he heard a bang come from somewhere. Suddenly but without shock, he opened his eyes and listened. There was silence now but he was sure he'd heard a loud bang just a few seconds ago. Was it just a hallucination in this swirly, drug-addled twilight state he found himself in, or had it actually happened?

A second later, he heard a scuffling coming from the window and gently pushed himself up on his elbows and then onto his knees. Delicately reaching up to the glass, he leaned up and looked out into the darkness, wondering what on earth, if anything, was happening. With squinted eyes he looked down into his front yard and saw a blinding light. It hurt as he tried to look past the blazing beam that shot up at him and, with a little persuasion, he managed to focus his eyes on the scuffling that was taking place just to the side. A moment later, he realised that the light shining up at him was in fact two lights, and then discovered that they were indeed the headlights of a car – or rather the high beams. Then something lurched where he'd just noticed the scuffling and in an instant, something landed in the snow next to the car. Next to whatever it was were the remains of his mailbox and then he noticed the familiar blue chullo hat with the yellow bobble on the top that belonged to his boyfriend. It was clear now. That was Craig's car sitting propped up across the sidewalk and on top of his destroyed mailbox, and that mass in the snow that was rolling around pitifully was Craig.

Immediately jumping out of bed with a thankfully clearer head than earlier, he quickly burst out of his room as his parents were just coming out of theirs at the sudden commotion and barrelled past them so he could be the first one outside. As he ripped open the front door, he shot across the snow-covered lawn whilst trying to ignore the freezing snow on his bare feet and fell down in icy grass in front of the idling vehicle before pulling its less-than-clear-headed driver up off of his belly.

"Craig!" he yelled with less desperation than usual on account of the meds still pumping through his system but still with deep concern. "Craig, can you hear me?"

"Yeah" he mumbled groggily.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"No"

"You crashed though. And you fell down. Are you sure?"

"I slipped on the fucking sidewalk" he sneered as he looked up to meet Tweek's fraught gaze. "I crashed?"

"Yes" replied Tweek, suddenly getting a face full of boozy breath from the boy that clung to him. "Have you…been drinking?"

"I needed to see you" he said pitifully before pushing himself up further and resting on his knees. "It's fucking cold out here"

Tweek delicately put him on his feet before carefully walking him towards the house and did his best to calm his parents who began to fuss in astonishment at the situation they came across as they came out to see what was going on. Leaving them to deal with the mess Craig had made in the front yard, he gingerly walked him up the stairs, catching him several times as he stumbled on the steps before they got to the top, and paced him down that hall towards his room. Getting him across to his bed, he let him fall onto the mattress and just looked at the sight before him. Craig was as drunk as a skunk and looked like he was just about ready to pass out.

"Craig, what were you thinking?" Tweek asked wistfully, finding it odd all of a sudden that even a tiny fleck of emotion had broken through his haze. All he got in reply was a groan and a hiccup as the blue-clad boy beneath him straightened out his body and then huffed in exasperation. Shaking his head, he climbed over his fuzzy boyfriend and pulled him close as he lay down next to him. Gently he pulled the covers over them and rested his arm across the inebriate he was now clearly going to share his bed with for the night. With no clue what to think, he just stared as Craig rapidly descended into unconsciousness and wondered what on earth any of this meant. Were they still dating? Were they now dating less than they had been but still doing the same things as before? Were they now only semi-dating with this being an extenuating circumstance? What even was this? Why hadn't they discussed this more? Why was everything so unclear?

And, ultimately, why did he still not really care?

The Xanax. Of course. Until these damn pills were out of his body there was no way he was going to be able to find any answers. So, with that in mind, he closed his eyes and rested his head on Craig's shoulder, trying to ignore the reeking smell of booze.

Just as he was dozing off, he heard a gentle murmur come from the body next to him and half-opened his eyes in curiosity.

"Tweek" it groaned quietly, "You're so great" he heard Craig say.

He screwed his eyes shut.

What the hell was going on?

 **Think I overdid the 'oh noez, I don't know how I feelz' stuff? Well, whaddayagonnado? They're all conflicted and stuff! I wanna stroke both their hair and tell them it'll be alright, despite it probably not going to be alright. WE'LL SEE!**

 **Reviews, yo! All y'all reviewers are da bomb! WeTheFallen, Sarah, Spice of Life and PurrpleSuki, you are all stunning and brave! Thanks a bunch for your nice messages. Keep 'em coming folks! Lemme know what you think! x**


	5. Bukkake

**Yallo, Creek nutcases! Here's some more schmiz for ya.**

 **Thanks a ton to you sexy reviewers, Sarah and nyaanyaanyaa! Major love.**

 **Too Old For This Crap**

 **Chapter 5: Bukkake**

 **Craig**

Ow. Goddamn, son-of-a-bitch, ow!

Everything hurt.

It was as if his entire body had had hot lead flowed through it with the previously molten metal now having set in every single corner of his being. Even raising his eyelids was painful, but that was nothing in comparison to the impossibly stiff, aching, stinging, nauseated, rough and altogether shit feelings that dwelled within him.

Raising his head and moaning pitifully, he battled with the morning light that streamed in through the window and quickly found himself losing as the sun's rays penetrated his skull and stuck like knives through his brain.

'Fuck you, Kenny' he thought as he rolled onto his side away from the light and coughed dryly. Various brain functions were slowly coming online as he started up that morning and as the seconds passed so too did he find little flickers of memory returning to him from the night before. Hopefully he hadn't really tried to drive home last night after having gotten so wasted. He remembered being in his car but for the love of God he hoped he hadn't been the one driving. He wondered for a second if his dad had come and gotten him but after thinking about it for a second he found that among all of the pains in his body, butt pain was not one of them. Therefore it must not have been kicked; something his dad would have surely done had he caught him that wasted. That was good, although perhaps that meant if his dad had come and gotten him and he had been so noticeably drunk then maybe he'd decided to save up the butt kicking for when he was able to actually acknowledge it. That was not a good prospect and he groaned as he buried his face into the mattress beneath him due to the various physical and emotional maladies he was trying to contend with.

After a few moments, he pulled his head back and squinted at the soft surface he'd just mashed his face into. It didn't feel like his mattress. It wasn't unfamiliar, but it wasn't his. With a few blinks, he suddenly realised he was in Tweek's bed. That seemed odd. Hadn't Tweek been the reason he'd gotten into such a state in the first place and, with that in mind, hadn't he wanted to give him space? Apparently not, and as he considered the implications of what he had just discovered, he pushed himself up onto his butt and sat on the side of the bed as he puzzled over what little information he had.

Suddenly, flashes of Tweek crossed his mind. He remembered being very cold and Tweek looking at him fearfully. That had probably been sometime around when he'd gotten to the house, which clearly had all occurred at some point but which did not now reside in his memory. He also remembered Tweek's parents making a lot of noise and looking quite angry. Other than that, there wasn't much else to go on and all he could do was infer what it all meant. Tweek's parents must have been mad about him showing up in the middle of the night – supposedly – and waking them all up by…making a lot of noise? That seemed likely for him and so it must have been what had happened. However, then there was Tweek. Oh Jesus, he'd come back to be with Tweek when he'd really had no right. Or maybe he did. One thing he did remember were the events which transpired directly before the drinking and he definitely remembered feeling incredibly guilty and distinctly without closure. Perhaps he had thought it a good idea to come here and try to patch things up. With every fibre of his being he hoped that wasn't true. If he had said anything last night then it couldn't have been genuine whilst he had been so tanked up and he desperately hoped he hadn't said anything stupid. He really wished he could remember but try as he might there was nothing to go on.

With a laborious huff, he looked around and grabbed for his phone which he found had been put on the nightstand and arduously looked at the screen. He had been right about one thing: five missed calls and about a dozen frightened/angry text messages from his parents wondering where he was. In addition to those there were a bunch of weird texts from Token, Craig and Kyle as well as a few other people asking weird things about him and Tweek. He had no clue what any of it meant at that moment and that made it all the more confusing and frustrating. Oh well, fuck that. And fuck all of them. Well, maybe not his friends, but his parents for sure. As far as he was concerned they rarely appeared to give a crap about him so he wasn't going to give a crap about them suddenly seeming to give a crap. They could go and fuck themselves. His sister too. Well, maybe not her. They had to stick together against their disinterested and dick-headed parents despite their frequent verbal sparring.

Pushing himself up with a stiff, pained, almost creaky lurch, he took a second to steady himself before pacing towards the bedroom door. The clothes he was still wearing from yesterday felt heavy and sweaty as he hauled his body across the room and he groaned as he pulled the door open and stepped out into the hall. The house was weirdly silent and he wondered how late it was. Pulling out his phone again, he sighed annoyedly when the clock showed '9:22AM'. So much for getting out of this one without getting his ass kicked not only by his parents but probably by the school as well. Oh well, he probably deserved to have his ass kicked. What he'd done last night made him feel like a complete jackass – the drinking and ending up in Tweek's bed, that was. Oh God, Tweek. How must he have been feeling today?

As he made his way down the stairs and looked around for sign of anyone, he perked up when he heard the gentle sounds of someone sitting quietly in the kitchen. As he approached the room, he noticed Tweek's mom sitting at the table and did his best to look awake and oriented before entering.

"Well, good morning, Craig" he heard her say, knowing instantly she wasn't buying his façade.

"Good morning" he replied with a crackle and feeling his head beginning to throb.

"Feeling a little worse for wear after your little joyride last night?"

"Joyride?"

"Ah. Don't quite remember that one, son?"

"Uhh…" he said as he racked his thumping brain.

"Well, take a seat and I'll fill you in. Would you like some coffee?"

"No, thank you" he said as he sat and felt as if he might vomit up all his organs if he so much as put a drop of anything that wasn't plain water in his mouth – and even then it would be dicey.

"Okay" she said, clearly unimpressed. She then began to recount what had happened the previous evening as he'd arrived at her house and he slowly began to feel his heart sink and the shame seep in as he learned of his drinking and driving. What a fucking idiot he was.

When she was done and his head was all but plastered flat on the table with guilt, he groaned as his stomach gave a little heave to remind him even more of his stupidity. Lifting his head back up, he looked at the woman sitting across from him and wondered if there was anything he could say to make this better.

As it turned out, there wasn't.

"Can I give you some money for the mailbox?" he mumbled.

"Your dad already offered to pay for it when we called him last night" she said, making him instantly look down and grimace once again. If things already weren't going to go well when he got home, now they were surely going to be total hell.

"Well, I'm real sorry" he said gravely with a sigh, making Tweek's mom think for a moment.

"Is everything okay with you, sweetie?" she asked with concern. "Only, you've seemed a little off lately"

'Lady, you don't know the half of it' he thought as he sat there and hated the world.

"Things are just a little tough at the moment" he mumbled in return.

"Are you and Tweek okay?" she asked, making him really wish he was somewhere else.

"We're just trying to work some stuff out"

"I see" she said, seeming to understand. Had Tweek talked to her? Surely not. He never talked to his parents about those sorts of things - or rather they never really seemed to ask him. "Well, it can be tough talking to him about really serious things. Sometimes you have to approach these things gently so he doesn't fly off the handle"

'I do fucking know!' he thought as he genuinely wondered if she was lecturing him on how to handle his boyfriend who he was certain he knew better than she did.

"Nevertheless, he's much better at dealing with things than most people give him credit for. He's a good boy, really. And so are you, dear"

"Yeah, I know" he sighed, "I mean, about Tweek, not me. He's great"

"He's lucky to have you" she said with a smile.

"I don't know about that. I'm sure lucky to have him though"

"Aww. Don't sell yourself short, sweetheart. He IS lucky to have you. You're a lovely young man"

Oh Jesus. If only she knew what he'd done last night before getting steaming drunk. He dreaded the moment she and her husband did finally learn of his proposition for an open relationship with Tweek – if they ever would, that is. What were the rules? People would of course have to know but was it going to be on a need-to-know basis? If Tweek was at school was he already telling people? No, surely not. He'd be too afraid and wouldn't do anything without having a little more clarity.

He had to get to Tweek and talk this through – that is, if he would be given his keys and allowed to go home and take a shower before crawling into school late. Hopefully Tweek's mom would keep his keys from him so he had no choice but to stay away from home. He definitely wanted to put off seeing his dad for as long as possible because that for sure was going to be an utterly horrendous meeting.

 **Tweek**

It would all be over in a few hours and he could hide again. That's all he had to do: survive the school day.

This, of course, was a tall order and no sooner had he gotten on the school bus that morning – a rarity for him since Craig usually picked him up – the day's pity and what seemed like judgement had begun. It had all started with weird looks from someone who he rarely spoke to: Stan Marsh. Tweek didn't know he got the bus in the morning but had initially felt glad to know there was a familiar face amongst the mix of strangers that were also there. That had all begun to splinter when he noticed Stan giving him a few weird and pitying looks as he got on and then again after he had sat down. It was almost as if he had wanted to come over and say something but he hadn't. He had instead just stayed where he was for the entire bus ride and had simply served to stoke the anxiety fire that burned within him. Well, what would a morning be without the regular fanning of the anxiety flames? Still, this was unusual and he really didn't like it. When the bus had pulled up at school and everyone had started to get off, he had been caught off guard when he'd heard Stan suddenly pipe up as he'd passed him.

"Hey, man. I'm sorry to hear about you and Craig"

That had been quite a surprise and he'd looked at Stan curiously for a moment as he tried to make sense of it. Stan had simply left without saying anything else giving Tweek no chance to enquire further and as soon as he had simply tried to ignore it and made his way into school, so too did he notice a bunch of other people he knew or sort of knew give him the same pitying looks and make his jitters explode fully into life.

As soon as he reached the front door he quickened his pace as he stepped into the hall and almost ran to his locker, trying to ignore the faces he passed. Stuffing everything he didn't need for first period into the metal box, he pushed onward with no less urgency to his homeroom and practically threw himself down on his seat as he tried to handle the strange pressure of everyone's eyes having been upon him. With noticeably heavier breathing, he kept his eyes on the table in front of him and tried to ignore the world around him. He wanted to know why everyone was staring and why they all seemed to know about him and Craig, but right now he just wanted to be away from all of them.

How could they possibly know about he and Craig? They hadn't told anyone. That was unless Craig had told everyone. Would he have done that? Why wouldn't he have told him if he had? Maybe he had done it when he was drunk. That didn't sound like him though. He was way more private than that, even if he had been drunk off his ass. Had he himself told someone? It was hard to remember last night after he'd taken those pills and he still felt a little off from what he assumed was a kind of hangover. Could you even get a hangover from Xanax? He didn't know. All he did know was that somehow everyone had found out about what had gone down between them the night before and that did not make him feel calm. In fact, it only served to wind him up and if things got worse than they were now then it wouldn't be long before something made him let go and he'd shoot around the room like a wound-up Hot Wheels car.

A thump signalled the arrival of Clyde next to him and he picked up his head to look at his friend nervously. The look he got from him was just the same as everyone else who'd looked at him that morning and it did not sit well.

"Hi" Clyde said delicately.

Tweek gulped. "Hi"

"How you doing?"

"I'm…okay"

Clyde gave him a weak smile. He clearly knew something he didn't.

"Look, man, I'm sorry about…well, whatever happened"

"Okay…" Tweek said slowly, once again feeling very confused and tense.

"I don't know what to say about things like this but…if there's anything I can…you know, do…"

"What are you talking about?" Tweek finally asked.

"Huh?"

"What you can do? What you should say? What do you mean? Why is everyone looking at me weirdly?"

Clyde just stared at him oddly, as if he had said something he shouldn't have. After a moment or two be piped up once again.

"Well, you know…you and Craig…"

Tweek felt his jaw stiffen. "What about us?"

"You know…you…broke up last night?"

"WHAT?!" he shrieked. "WE DIDN"T BREAK UP!"

Clyde stared at him with surprise along with a few other heads that turned upon the sudden yelp.

"Jeez! Okay! Don't fly off the handle. It's just what I heard"

"From who?!"

"Cartman"

"Cartman?!"

"Yeah. I figured it was weird you told him before you told me"

"I didn't tell him. I didn't talk to him. We're not broken up!"

"Oh. Well, good! It was totally unexpected anyway"

"Cartman?! Why would he say something like-" he stopped mid-sentence, suddenly thinking of something that may have been relevant. He'd gotten that weird text last night asking if he wanted to talk. What the hell had that meant? How the hell did he know anything about them? This whole thing did seem a lot like Cartman trying to stir up some shit like he always did but how did he know there was anything up between him and Craig.

Then came the off-putting pangs of fear he always seemed to get at moments like these. If Cartman had said this much and gotten to so many people then how much more could he have fabricated that he didn't know about. What had people really been told and how many? What were they all thinking?

It was rapidly becoming too much to handle and he desperately wished it would all go away. That horrible, desperate lack of breath he'd had last night was threatening to come back again and so too did it feel like his head was going to explode. Without warning, one of his hands found its way to his hair and began to tug gently while the other reached into his pocket and searched for something else he'd decided to take along that day. Without too much fumbling, he found the small plastic cylinder he'd put there that morning just in case he felt he couldn't handle things again. He squeezed the bottle gently as he felt the desire to pop another pill begin to take hold of him.

He paused when he felt a hand grab his wrist and looked over to see its owner looking at him kindly. He took a steadying breath as he let Clyde guide has hand away from his hair and at the same time let go of the bottle in his pocket. It was so great he had people that knew him well enough to keep him from falling into the abyss and Clyde was one of the best. Again, perhaps it was due to them both being fucked up that they just knew how to support each other in times of crisis. Granted, his crises came pretty much everyday but that only made it all the more great that Clyde was always willing to jump in and stop him from falling over the edge of the anxiety cliff. That is, if Craig for some reason wasn't there like he wasn't that morning.

So, with only semi-fraught nerves and a somewhat steadier rate of breathing, he decided to press on with the morning and try to ignore/forget everything that was going on not only around him but also inside his mind. It was tough but somehow he soon found his way into a kind of rhythm with things and it became a little easier for him to manage.

In the back of his mind though there was always that nagging question of how everyone had found out and he wished like crazy that he had Craig there to try and figure all of this mess out. Perhaps expectedly though, Craig was not there that day, or at least not yet and Tweek wondered if leaving him had been a good idea. He hoped he was okay, and that he hadn't decided to drive again.

 **Craig**

God, his head hurt! The thumping had really set in and all he wanted right then was an aspirin and to go back to bed. It had been manageable up until he'd walked through the front door, then the thumping, almost stabbing pain had begun as soon as his dad's livid yelling nearly burst his eardrums.

At first he'd just winced in the doorway as the old gasbag had just boomed at him without taking any of it onboard but then, when his dad had realised he wasn't really listening, he'd suddenly been jolted as he'd been dragged into the house and pushed down onto the couch. Now he was simply sitting, or rather slouching in the place he'd been put and was trying to divide his attention between his fuming father – now also joined by shrill, piercing yaps from his mom – and attenuating his head pain whilst keeping his stomach from yelling at him too.

"You really think you can just breeze by and things will turn out alright? Are you that fucking stupid?"

Craig just looked up at his dad, half angry at the question, half keeping tabs on himself to prevent making it worse.

"Craig, your senior year is the most important year of high school. Do you really think colleges look kindly on ditching? Let alone drinking underage and driving?" said his mom, only slightly less angrily.

He sighed and closed his eyes as he just waited for them to finish, pitying himself. Unfortunately, the sigh appeared rather uncaring and impertinent to the irate adults that towered over him and then he found himself more screwed than he'd wanted to be.

"Oh, that fucking does it!" yelled his dad suddenly, pulling him back up, dragging him across the room and practically throwing him up the stairs. "You better get your ass ready and get down to that school in the next ten minutes, you little shit or I'm gonna come up there and kick it there myself!"

He just tsk'd to himself and rolled his eyes as he ascended the rest of the way, making sure though that it wasn't heard or seen by his parents. He knew he'd screwed up and that he deserved all of this, but he just did not give a shit. His parents could suck it if they thought he cared about what they had to say although quite frankly he agreed with them – the faster he could get out of that house, the better.

Making his way to his room, he opened the door and dragged himself inside, closing the door behind him. Stiffly, he pulled off his clothes and took a moment to rub his skin lazily. It felt good to have all of those old clothes off of his body and he wondered what would happen if he just got into bed and refused to move. Sure, they would yell at him but would they actually drag him out? Considering their rage a moment ago they probably would and so he decided against it. Rolling his head around to try and loosen his neck up, he knew for sure he could use a shower. Nonetheless, that would probably be pushing it too and so he decided just to put fresh clothes on, cover himself in deodorant and get his things together. As he set about putting a couple of books in his bag, he stopped to pull the phone out of the pants he had just taken off and narrowed his brow in confusion as he looked down at yet another few strange messages.

The first one was from Token and read:

'Dude! What the hell is going on? Everyone's saying weird stuff. Are you okay?"

The next was from Clyde:

'I don't know what I missed but if what people are saying is right then that really sucks. Sorry man'

There were a couple of others but they made even less sense to him. Taking a second to scroll back through his other messages, he soon found that he hadn't sent a single one to anyone last night, before or after he'd gotten wasted. So why were all of these questioning or sappy/supportive messages coming out of the blue?

Shaking his head again - and then regretting it as the painful mass that seemed to dwell inside shifted around and moaned at him for disturbing it – he lugged his backpack up, pulled on his shoes and made his way downstairs.

Ignoring yet more vitriol from his furious parents, he left the house in the middle of something they had been yelling at him and got back into his car. At least now he felt competent to pilot the vehicle without crashing it into another mailbox and so he carefully made his way down the street.

In hindsight, perhaps staying at home would have been the better option despite being disembowelled by his parents. Little did he know, what waited at school was going to make his head hurt a lot more than it did now.

 **Tweek**

'God! Where is he?!' thought Tweek as he sat nibbling his lip and letting his eyes dart back and forth as he stood at his locker. It was now only the gap between third and fourth period but he still hadn't seen Craig or heard anything either. It made him worried, and that made him nervous, and that made him really nervous, and that made him want to panic, and once again he found himself clinging to the bottle he had in his pocket.

Perhaps taking one would be okay. Just to take the edge off. It seemed to help last night and maybe if he took only one instead of however many it had been the last time then maybe it would just help him to get through the day.

Fuck! What was he thinking? He didn't take drugs. That wasn't him. No matter how bad things got he didn't medicate himself away. He had always promised himself that even if he couldn't handle his anxiety, he'd never succumb to a pill to make it better because he just had to hold onto the hope that somewhere inside he had the ability to keep control. No one could take that away, even if it was hanging by a thread and yet, it had finally snapped last night. He'd given in and let go. That made him hate himself. He really, truly loathed what he'd done and now also himself for having done it. Granted, he'd never felt more terrified but even then he should have been able to hang on. That had been the promise - but he'd broken it. And it sucked because it had just felt so much better – or rather, it just hadn't hurt at all. It hadn't been good or bad, it had just been blank and that was what made it so manageable. That was until now when it had worn off and he was filled once again with fear and self-hatred. That was now the driving force behind his grip on the bottle in his pocket. He really didn't know how long he could hold on this time.

"Tweek?"

"AAH! Oh, hi Wendy" he squeaked as he ripped his head around to the kind but surprising voice. She looked pitying but still with that kindness he had come to always associate with her.

"I heard about you and Craig. Are you okay?"

"W-…What did you hear?" he asked shakily, feeling his hands shudder with the same intensity of his voice. She looked a little uncomfortable and he really wanted to know why.

"Well, I heard that you two…broke up?"

Tweek gritted his teeth and groaned to himself nervously.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?! We didn't break up!"

"Oh" she remarked, clearly surprised. "I just heard-"

"You heard wrong!" he nearly spat, regretting how angry it had sounded.

"Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you"

"I'm not upset, I'm just…" he said before trailing off for lack of words. He didn't know how he felt. He just wanted Craig. "I just want people to stop saying we broke up"

"Okay. Well, if you need to talk about anything" she said with a smile

"Thank you" he replied quietly, unfortunately unable to echo the smile.

He watched her close her locker and then walk away. He wished he could talk to her; in fact he wished he could talk to anyone. He just didn't know what to say and the longer it took for him to actually work this out with Craig whilst everyone around him kept offering their sympathies, the more he got worked up and frightened by the situation. He wanted to handle it, desperately. He really wanted to hold on. It was getting tougher by the minute though, and that pill bottle that he kept with him just wouldn't let him forget it was there.

 **Craig**

"You know the drill" said the lady at the desk only having glanced up momentarily to see him come in – he was indeed a regular here. No sooner had he gotten to his first class had he been given a tardy slip and been sent straight to the principal's office. How many times he'd ended up sitting on the hard bench outside the room of scholastic judgement he didn't know, but he figured they really should have put up a plaque or something in his honour by now. Flopping into the seat and pulling out his phone, he absent-mindedly flicked through various messages and emails before being told to put it away or have it taken away. He rolled his eyes before begrudgingly stuffing it back into his pocket and sighed sleepily as he tried to ease his thumping head. If only they had fake jail cells, like at the mall. He'd happily wile away the rest of the day in school jail instead of having to drudge through the rest of the monotonous droning he was bound to be in for. Then again, school jail was detention and he really didn't like the idea of what was to come regarding that. Something like this earned at least one detention or more and so that would just have to be dealt with when it came. Now though, all he had to do was get through this mandatory scolding and then get back to class, hoping he could at least stay awake for the duration – to be honest though, if he didn't, he didn't really care.

Hearing the door click next to him, he only briefly glanced up as the previously condemned individual loafed out and made their way towards the hallway.

"Shit! Kenny?" he uttered in surprise as he looked up at the blonde and quite clearly very hungover boy, earning himself a perturbed throat-clearing from the woman at the desk nearby in response to the curse word.

"Oh my God, hey man" Kenny replied as he listed around to look at him.

"How you doing?" Craig asked with a smile. "Feeling awesome today?"

"Oh my God, how did you know?" he said as he put his hand to his forehead. The two shared a gentle chuckle before he was shooed towards the door. "No idea what we did last night but it must have been pretty crazy"

"Drunk off our asses two days in a row? I'd say yeah, that's pretty crazy"

Once again, an annoyed throat-clearing from the desk lady prompted them to end their conversation and straight away Kenny was shooed towards the door.

"Catch ya at lunch, man. Oh, and dude? I have some flashes of what we talked about last night and I just wanna tell you: don't worry. It'll work out"

With that he was gone, and Craig sighed as he looked down at the floor. At least he'd managed to get about ten minutes without thinking about Tweek. Just then, the door from where Kenny had just come opened and he looked up to see not the principle but a counsellor with whom he'd chatted many times about this and that – usually about him needing to get his act together.

"Shall we get started, Craig?" the middle-aged man asked.

"Sure" he replied, lugging himself up and simply waiting for a second so he could tower over the man before him. He didn't know if it was intimidating, but he hoped so. Perhaps then he'd go easier on him. Once inside, he sat down in the chair facing the desk and waited for his sentence to be passed down to him. It would come eventually after a long drawl about him needing to apply himself more or some crap like that.

"So, you got an excuse this time?" the counsellor asked as he sat down and fiddled with some papers on the desktop.

Craig just shrugged. "Would it matter?"

"It might. You got a good reason to be waltzing into school when the day is already half done"

"It's hardly half done. It's like fourth period"

"You've missed at least half a day's work. That's at least a week's detention to make up the time if you don't have a good story"

"I don't think you'd care"

"So, shall I take that to mean there's no excuse?"

"Oh, there's an excuse. But it's pretty messed-up and gay"

The man gave him an unimpressed look.

"Really, Craig? Using 'gay' like that in your senior year? I thought you were mature enough to know that 'gay' doesn't mean 'stupid'".

"Oh no, I mean actually gay. You see, I had a bad night with my boyfriend. And I don't mean we were banging all night and that's the reason I'm late. I mean we're just going through some stuff and I didn't feel particularly on top of the world this morning because of it. But yeah, just to clarify, I take in the ass from my hot boyfriend and we're totally queer together"

He smirked as he watched the counsellor shuffle awkwardly in his seat whilst refusing to meet his gaze. To be honest, he rarely took it in the ass from Tweek but he always found it was easier to make middle-aged assholes like this guy squirm when he said he got fucked in the ass rather than fucking another guy in his ass. Something about bottoming just seemed to make idiots like this uncomfortable.

"Ah, yes. Sorry, I forgot you were…that way"

"Gay? Well, don't worry about it, honey" he said in a mocking, campy manner, making the counsellor yet more uncomfortable.

"Yeah, well, that's still no excuse"

"Whatever. I don't give a fuck" he scoffed.

"You sure you wanna do this that way? 'Cos I got a lot of detention slips here, buddy"

Craig rolled his eyes. "You know what, just do what you're gonna do. My goddamn head is killing me, my boyfriend is going through the ringer with anxiety, my dad's probably gonna shoot me when I get home and I can't figure out my freaking life! So, you know what? Just gimme as much detention as you can because honestly you'd be doing me favour by getting me away from my crappy life!"

The counsellor sat back and stared at him silently for a few moments, just trying to figure him out as he sat there steaming. After a moment or two he sat forward again and folded his hands on the desk.

"You want some coffee, Craig?" he asked kindly.

"No" Craig mumbled, wondering why everyone was offering him coffee and then begrudgingly adding "…thank you"

"You know, I get that things can seem tough sometimes, but if you need to talk about things that are getting you down, that's pretty much what I'm here for"

"I think I'm good" he said with a slight sneer and feeling kind of grossed out by the idea of opening up to this guy.

"Really? Well, you don't seem good. I bet you feel like you're slamming your head into a wall, right?"

"Oh man, you have no idea"

"Well, why don't you tell me?"

Craig just snickered disbelievingly and shook his head as he looked away. What the hell did this guy think he was going to accomplish? Did he expect that he was suddenly going to break down and spill his whole crappy life story in front of him. Well, he was made of tougher stuff than that and couldn't be broken that easily. Still, if he wanted to play, then he would play. After all, he was pretty sure he could win and who knew? It might get him out of some detention if he played his cards right and got him to believe he was opening up.

"Alright. Last night I told my boyfriend who I've been with for about seven years that I wanted an open relationship. He's got a bunch of anxiety problems so I knew it was gonna be hard on him but I needed to put it out there. When I told him he didn't take it well and during the whole lead up and then the aftermath I've been feeling totally shit. But I just can't help it. I wanna see what it's like to screw other guys, you know? Maybe jump into a great big man-pile and let myself get gangbanged by a bunch of them. Sir, you know what bukkake is? Just in case you don't it's where you kneel on the floor and let a bunch of guys cum on you. I figure that might be fun to-"

"Okay! Jesus…" the man suddenly interrupted and looking as if he were about to throw up. Craig smiled to himself mischievously. There were certainly some mixed truths in there but regardless of what he actually meant and what not, it seemed like it was getting the job done in making this guy get rid of him sooner.

"But sir, you wanted me to open up. I'm just telling you-"

"Yeah, I know what you're doing, you smartass. If you don't wanna take this seriously then that's fine. I've got no problem keeping you after school for two weeks"

Craig huffed. It was a tough game to play and it all depended on who would crack first: the counsellor who would just end it by giving him detention, or him who would have to genuinely open up.

"Come on, Craig. Sounds like you started off saying how you really feel before getting into…shall we say unsavoury territory. Why don't we stick with that? So, you want an open relationship. Why's that?"

"I don't know…" he began, feeling kind of uncomfortable. He didn't want to talk about this with him. "I guess…we've been together for such a long time that I just wanna try something new"

"That's fair"

Craig looked at him warily. Sounded like he was saying it was an alright thing to do.

"Fair? What, like, it's okay?"

"Sure. You're still seventeen, right? If you can't play the field now then when can you?"

"I…I don't…hmm…"

"Look, you've been honest about it with your boyfriend instead of doing it in secret. Sounds to me like you've approached this very maturely and in a way that will keep him from being hurt. Or at least as much as possible"

"Right…"

"And, now that you've talked about it you can decide what you want to do and whether or not your boyfriend will accept it. If he says yes then there you go: green light. If he says no then you have to decide how you want to handle that. Do you want to not do it for the sake of not upsetting him or do you still feel you have to? If you do then it might be worth considering if he really has your best interests at heart. Because if him saying no would make you unhappy then perhaps you're not best suited for each other and maybe you need to rethink even more of your relationship – such as whether or not it should carry on"

"Huh…" he said as he thought about it. He figured he could immediately poke a bunch of holes in the argument that had just been laid out before him but there was also some truth in there. He hadn't wanted to hurt Tweek and it was true that he'd wanted to be honest about it rather than cheat on him. It was also true that he really wanted to do this and desperately wanted Tweek to be okay with it, or, if not okay then at least make his peace. In his heart he felt that Tweek would do anything to make him happy and he would do the same for him. This, however, was the biggest thing he'd probably ever asked him to do and so he didn't really know if he was crossing a line. Nonetheless, he needed it and so perhaps this guy was right. If Tweek did ultimately say no, then were they right for each other?

Closing his eyes for a second and screwing up his nose a little, he found that was a mental road he really didn't want to go down right now. Objectively, it was clear. He wanted to keep Tweek as his boyfriend but still get out there and try at least a few other people. It was fair, right? It had to be. Maybe it was having his cake and eating it too but perhaps that was alright to do sometimes. Also, this guy sitting in front of him had said it was okay – or something like that – and he certainly had no obligation to either him or Tweek so it really was an independent opinion.

"So, what do you think?" the man asked after a pause. Craig remained silent for an even longer pause before looking up at him meekly.

"I guess it makes sense"

"Good. So what do you think you're gonna do?"

"I need to talk to him more. Things weren't made final last night, and then I got freakin' wasted"

"Oh, Craig…!" the man said with frustration but knowing there was nothing he could do about it now.

"Hey, we all got problems and sometimes a drink to take the edge off can really help"

"Not when you're seventeen, young man! That's a slippery slope you don't wanna be on"

"Yeah, yeah… So, what? We good here?"

The counsellor seemed exasperated. "Yeah, we're done. Get back to class. But take this with you"

Craig reached out and took the slip of paper he was presented with, already feeling dread at the suspicion that it was a detention slip. Looking at it, he perked up a little when he noticed he'd only been given two days worth and considered the whole meeting at least a partial victory.

With a small but spunky renewed spring in his step to partially counter his hangover, he got up and left the office, now with a glimmer of hope that he could get through the day and see Tweek again without becoming too emotionally beat up. It was still going to be tough, but somehow now it didn't seem quite as mountainously heavy as it had before.

Maybe counsellors weren't completely useless after all.

 **Tweek**

Tweek gripped the sink as he once again found himself staring into his own eyes in the mirror. He had been unbelievably relieved when he'd found the bathroom to be empty but knew it wouldn't be long before other guys started coming in and interrupting his attempt to keep a grip on his anxiety. Getting through the morning had been nearly impossible and there had been several distinct moments when he had felt that he would need to run out of the classroom without warning to hide. Thankfully, he hadn't, and as such hadn't gotten people talking about him because of it. That being said, he'd been jumpier than usual today and he was fairly certain people had begun to notice sometime around third period.

He hated being noticed sometimes. It always seemed to be when he was going through really tough moments and wanted to disappear. Why couldn't they just leave him alone when he was feeling so terrible? Why couldn't they just let him disappear into nothingness?

Feeling his pocket getting progressively heavier as he stood there trying not to freak out, he gulped as he extracted one hand from the sink and reached in there to pull out the pill bottle he'd been keeping close. With a shaky jaw, he looked down at the small, white capsule and thought hard about whether or not he had the strength to go through yet another half day without popping a pill. Or two. Or however many it took to stop the fear. After all, it would be so much easier than trying to keep himself from blurting things out and jittering uncontrollably. Maybe this had been the answer all along throughout his entire life but he'd only just figured it out. Perhaps drugs weren't so bad.

"Grr! Jesus!" he groaned to himself as he gripped the bottle and raised his gaze to meet his own eyes once again in the reflection. What the hell was he thinking? Drugs were bad! Using drugs to change himself was definitely not the right thing to do. And yet now that gate was open despite it having been previously bolted shut and it quite simply didn't seem like he could just lock it up again. How was it okay that he was now allowing himself to do the things he'd promised he'd never do, or even think about doing it?

He had to handle this. He needed to find the strength to get through and come out the other side. He could. He knew he could. More than that, he had to. He just had to believe that he could and he knew he would be able to get through. That was why it was so frustrating to find himself slowly unscrewing the cap on the bottle and tipping out a pill onto his palm. So much for staying strong.

Standing there in silence but with an undeniable tremor, he gazed at the tiny white tablet in his hand and desperately tried to weigh up the pros and cons of putting it in his mouth. This was giving in – there was no doubt about that – but it wasn't as if this was the first time. As far as he was concerned, he'd already failed the test of strength and willpower last night, and taking another pill now would just be standing by his decision. Maybe that was okay in itself.

Suddenly, the bathroom door was pushed open and, as a pang of sheer panic shot through him, he quickly spun away from the door and set about putting the pill back in the bottle. He didn't want to get a reputation for taking drugs in school if whoever it was saw him standing with a bottle of pills and decided to run their mouth. Thankfully he managed to get the pill back inside and got rid of the evidence in a flash; none too soon as it turned out. It seemed that if he had been a second slower the person he now saw staring at him would probably have been the most likely candidate for making a scene.

"Hey, Tweek"

"Hi, Cartman" he replied in a shaky voice and suddenly feeling strangely exposed.

"How you feeling, man? Pretty bummed out, I bet"

"W- What? No. I mean, I don't know" he said, wishing he wasn't going to have to have a conversation with this moron.

"Well, you know, breaking up is hard. Especially for queers. Gotta start using condoms again when you fuck other guys"

"I-…I-…" he stuttered as he wished he could find the strength to stand up to the disgusting blob who made his way over to the urinal and set about doing his business.

"Hey, don't worry, man. Out of the two of you I think you're less likely to have AIDS so you don't need to worry about telling other guys before you let them plough you"

"We haven't broken up!" Tweek suddenly squeaked. Cartman just chuckled.

"Oh, Tweek. There's no need to lie. I heard it straight from Craig yesterday. He said he was totally tired of you and wanted to cut you loose. Unbelievable, huh?"

"He didn't say that" replied Tweek, feeling unsure.

"Hard to hear, I know, but it's true. I'm on your side though. It's better you two aren't together now. You deserve more than him"

"I-…I don't-…"

"You sure do! You're way sweeter than he is. And way cuter"

"Cuter?" Tweek suddenly asked, now feeling really confused. What the hell was Cartman calling him cute for?

"What the fuck are you doing talking to him, fatass?" suddenly came a deeper voice from over by the door, making the two redirect their attention to the tall figure that had just entered.

"Well, look who it is!" Cartman jeered. "You figure you can dump this loser but still meet up to fuck him in the school bathroom? Shame on you, Craig!"

"Just get the fuck out of here, asshole, before I rip your nuts off"

"Dude! I am not into you and I do not like you making sexual remarks to me like that. My nuts are not for you!"

"Fuck off!" Craig yelled, clearly having no time for the giant idiot's crap today.

"Fine. But I hope you realise how much you're damaging this poor spaz"

"Okay, that tears it!" Craig spat as he stepped towards Cartman, but then stopped as the fat turd jumped back and ran – or rather loafed like an elephant – out of the bathroom leaving them alone.

"I swear I'm gonna teach him a lesson one of these days…again" Craig muttered as he turned around to look at the meek, jittery figure before him. "Hi" he said softly, and with a hint of sadness.

"Hi" Tweek replied, holding back from hugging him like he desperately wanted.

"How you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess. How are you?"

"Not great" he said with a half-smirk and running a hand through his glossy, black hair – now a tad greasy from having not showered. "Head's still pounding"

"Yeah, I bet. You were pretty messed up last night"

"Yeah, I know. I'm really sorry"

"No, it's fine. I'm glad you came. I just wish you hadn't driven"

"Me too. It was stupid. I just needed to see you"

"Hmm" was all Tweek could say. He still had no clue how to feel about yesterday aside from cut-up and completely unresolved. It was frustrating and extremely worrying and seemed to show in a sudden shudder that tore through him. He didn't know if it was really that strong or if Craig just knew him well enough to know when he was feeling terrible, but as soon as it happened the taller boy stepped forward and held out his hands to him which he gently took in his.

"Look, we need to talk about this. I don't know where to start but I know we need to get this all out in the open"

Tweek nodded, suddenly feeling a twinge of that same fear that had gripped him last night wake up somewhere in his chest.

"Okay. Yeah. I think that's a good idea"

"Cool. So, look, I guess maybe we should just go straight to the point. What do you think about it?"

"About what?"

"You know. Having an open relationship?"

Those words still stung as much as they had when he'd first heard them, but thankfully he only felt his heart tug this time instead of cracking down the middle.

"I…I really don't know. It's just so unexpected"

"I know. But do you think maybe it's something you'd be into"

"I don't know. I can't even think about being with anyone else. I want you and only you…".

Craig just nodded but was clearly let down a little by that response. He clearly wanted this and Tweek really didn't know how to feel about it. He had so many conflicting feelings inside and just didn't know how to even begin to process them. One stood out among all of them though and he knew above all that it was true.

"…but I want you to be happy" he uttered after a moment's silence, making Craig once again look up with what seemed like hope in his eyes.

"Really?" he said croakily.

"Of course. You know I'd do everything I could to make you happy, right?"

"Even this?"

Tweek gulped and took a deep breath, not really knowing if what he said next was the truth – regardless, it felt like it was what Craig wanted to hear and so he would just have to deal with it. Even if it made him unhappier than he ever had been, the idea of losing Craig after not letting him do this was the worst possible scenario he could think of.

"Even this"

"Oh, Tweek" Craig said before pulling him close and kissing him fiercely. At least that felt right, and Tweek revelled in the firm but gentle caress of his lips as he was allowed for a moment to float off into somewhere where nothing was wrong.

"How did I ever get so lucky to have someone like you?" Craig asked when they parted a few moments later.

"I'm not that special" he murmured with a small smile.

"Oh, God, you so are" Craig said before pulling him into a tighter hug. "I know we have so much more to talk about, but thank you for being okay with this. It's just something I need to do"

Okay with this? He was definitely not okay with this, but what choice did he have? There was every chance that saying no would eventually see him losing Craig forever and that just wasn't an option. So, it seemed he had to go along with this and deal with it somehow, as well as all the fear, anxiety and crushing pain that came with it – a pain, it seemed, that had now well and truly woken up and was beginning to constrict his lungs once more.

A moment or two later, they parted again and Craig went into the stall to do what he'd originally come into the bathroom to do and Tweek was left alone to stare at himself in the mirror again. There was no argument this time about how he felt, and he knew there was only one thing to do.

Looking around to make sure the stall door was well and truly closed, he silently popped the cap off of the pill bottle, took out a pill and quickly gulped it down dryly. He hated himself for doing it but there was no other way out, and now as he looked at his reflection again, something in the image of himself just seemed to look like it was going to handle the rest of the day despite his torturous feelings.

With a sigh. He put the bottle back into his pocket and rested against the sink as he waited both for Craig to finish and for the pill to take effect. Neither one would be long now but out of both of them he really hoped the latter would come first.

 **Craig**

"Things are good"

"Good? What do you mean good?"

"I mean, we talked about it and I think it's gonna work"

"Wow, really? How do you figure?"

Craig sighed into the phone as he lay on his bed in just his boxer shorts and a t-shirt. He was tired but thankfully feeling a lot better than earlier. That was pretty surprising too considering he'd not only had to stay behind after school for an extra hour, go to Tweek's house to work out the details of their new arrangement, and then come home for a good and hard ass-kicking from his parents. If they had only been furious with him before, now they were absolutely blow-their-top, raise-hell, disembowel-him livid. He'd decided it wouldn't have been a good idea to argue back and so he decided just to take their angry yelling and just let it pass. Thankfully, grounding him had stopped being effective years ago and so at least he hadn't had to worry about being under house arrest as well as having detention. He'd spent the rest of the evening in his room and now found himself talking to Token, making sure to fill him in on all the details he had been desperate to know.

"I don't know. I guess he's just okay with the idea now that we've set the ground rules"

"And what are they?"

Craig did his best to condense the long chat they'd had before he'd left Tweek's. Basically, they'd decided – or rather he'd suggested and Tweek had seemed to just agree – that first and foremost they would still be together and would still do the same stuff they did now. However, now they could both also approach other people if they wanted for fun. That included dating and sex, but not forming relationships. This was about exploring other options, not about breaking ties with what they already had. They also had agreed not to obsess about who each other saw or what they did with them and that they didn't have to ask for permission to do what they wanted. On the surface it seemed pretty simple, although at the time it had seemed way more complicated. In any case, now that he'd condensed it for Token it seemed a little clearer for him too and he was pretty pleased with himself, and was glad that Tweek seemed pleased too.

"Wow, that's like giving yourselves a free pass for like…everything" Token said after he'd taken a moment to consider everything he'd heard.

"I know. It's better really. I mean, if you take away the restrictions and the fussing over each other then I guess it all turns out kinda simple"

"Simple for who though? Did he really seem like he was handling it or was he just nodding along?"

"What?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"What I mean is: do you think Tweek really feels the same way or do you think maybe he's just doing what you want to make you happy?"

"Come on, man, I think I know him well enough to know when he doesn't wanna do something?"

"Even this?"

He paused again, finding it odd that it was now him that was being asked that question.

"Even this" he said when he shook away the doubts that had begun to creep in. "Besides, it's not like it's just me who gets to mess around with other people. He gets to do it too"

"Hmm" Token replied in a tone that Craig knew meant judgement.

"Okay, what?"

"Nothing"

"Yes, something. What do you wanna say?"

"Well, do you think Tweek is the type to even talk to other guys he might be interested in? Let alone take it any further?"

Craig closed his eyes and sighed. Token had a point, and he was kind of pissed that he was taking the wind out of his sails. He didn't want to lose the emotional high he was riding, especially after weeks worth of torment.

"It's not about that right now. The point is we've discussed it and everything's been agreed, okay?"

"Okay. As long as you're sure"

"Yes, I'm sure. Anyway, I gotta go"

The two said their goodbyes and Craig hung up and dropped his phone on his chest. He huffed in frustration as he tried to keep those doubts Token had begun to fill him with out of his conscience, but it was rather hard. There was sense in what Token had said, there was no denying that. Still, he'd finally gotten to a place with Tweek where they seemed somewhat balanced again. Was it really a good idea to start rocking the boat? Was it selfish to not give how Tweek felt a second consideration?

Ignoring those feelings, he picked up his phone once more and flicked through to Kenny's name, listening for a few rings before he picked up on the other end.

"Hey, man. How was detention?" Kenny asked groggily.

"Fine. Never mind about that though. What are you doing on Saturday?"

"Saturday? Uh, I gotta work but then nothing. Why?"

"You wanna do something with me?"

"Sure. Like…go to a movie or something?"

"No. I mean to, like, a bar or somewhere"

"Uh huh…" Kenny said with sudden intrigue, and Craig could picture him perking up and gaining a sly smile. "Two nights of binge drinking and already little good-boy Tucker is starting to go bad"

"When the hell was I ever good-boy Tucker?" he scoffed.

"Ha ha. Never, I guess. You've always been a dick, but you're a dick I happen to like so I'm game. How you gonna get it into a bar though, man?"

"You know where to get fake IDs. How fast can you get one made?"

"Yeah! Now we're talking!" Kenny practically yelled as he set about telling Craig how easy it would be for him to get him one. Craig felt a smile creep onto his lips as he just listened. It felt so bad to be doing things like this, but he'd practically been given a golden ticket and he wanted to test out his newly acquired freedom. That to him meant getting out there and throwing himself into a one-night stand or something like that - at least to test the waters. After all, what was the worst that could happen?

 **Tweek**

Two? Three? Four?

How many pills had he just swallowed? Did it matter? The talk he'd had with Craig had left him feeling terrible once again, and it seemed now that he was rapidly developing a coping mechanism in the form of these glorious white meds that took all the pain away.

So, yeah: what did it matter? And why should he care? If he felt good – or at least not bad – and Craig felt good, and everything around them was good, what did it matter who Craig fucked or how many pills he swallowed?

Did he feel okay? Definitely not, but he knew how to mask those feelings and it seemed he just didn't worry about the manner in which he did that anymore.

It was going to be okay. He was going to be okay.

He just had to be.

 **Boom! Angst and shiz now starting. I hope this isn't dragging. I wish I could condense what I've already written so the bad things happen sooner but I guess that's the thing about writing one chapter at a time and posting it. Ah well. I love that I've got you peeps reading along as I write it. Hopefully I won't bore you!**

 **Review me! If you don't mind. I do so love reading what you think. And thanks for all the follows!**

 **See you next time! x**


	6. MANkind

**Sorry this took so much longer than the rest of the chapters so far! I'd been really working hard for finals and junk so there was very little time for fanfiction. Then Christmas happened. Then New Year. Oh, well. I'll keep plugging away at this when I can.**

 **Can you believe they left Creek canon in the latest season finale? I mean, they didn't destroy them during the episode and they both still seemed lovey dovey and together even at the end. Matt and Trey may have actually decided to throw the fans a bone and let them keep Creek! I hope so!**

 **So, let's keep on shippin'…**

 **Too Old For This Crap**

 **Chapter 6: MANkind**

 **Craig**

The next morning came with a blessed mixture of clarity and calmness that turned out to be an unusually nice way of waking up for Craig. Well, at least it was in relation to what had been going on lately. Oddly enough it seemed like the past two mornings' rotten hangovers had been the culmination of an utterly crappy few weeks, but what was strange was he just didn't feel particularly bad this morning and it was definitely due to yesterday's shared calming-of-the-tits-with Tweek. What had seemed like it was going to be a total nightmare and end up a complete mess between them had all miraculously worked out and now he weirdly felt good; that in itself was just so odd. It seemed like it had been so long ago that he had felt genuinely good about things and, despite the mess of trouble he was in, he still felt good. He couldn't believe it.

Suddenly his morning serenity was broken by a fervent rapping on his door and he glared across the room as it was pushed open and he was faced with his already-angry-looking dad.

"Get up, Craig. You're getting to school on time today"

"Yeah, whatever" he said as he rolled back over and closed his eyes in defiance. It was a poor choice as it seemed his dad had saved up plenty of yesterday's anger for this morning. In a flash he was yanked back onto his back before being pulled upwards.

"Jeez, okay!" he protested and wincing as his dad's hand gripped his bare shoulder and dug into his collar bone.

"You better get your head straight today or I'm gonna knock it off, boy!"

"Oh, like you'd have the fucking balls!" he groaned as he shook him off. Another poor choice.

"Watch your mouth, you little smartass!" his dad bellowed as he lifted a hand and threatened him with being struck. The two spent a moment just glaring at each other with raw anger now beginning to simmer between them. One thing was for sure: his surprisingly nice morning had now been turned immediately bad.

"God, fine!" Craig finally huffed and pushed past his dad. Exiting his room he made a beeline for the bathroom and locked himself inside before sitting down on the edge of the bathtub and taking a few deep breaths. He really hated his dad sometimes. It was like they were complete opposites and always seemed to be jabbing at each other in one way or another. The fat old bastard just never seemed to understand or even try to understand him. Then again, it had always kind of been that way and he sighed as he tried to put thoughts of his bad relationship with his parents out of his mind. They didn't matter; he had other people in his life who were way more like family in his eyes. Right at the top there was Tweek who made him feel needed and respected, and that was all he seemed to need in the grand scheme of things.

"Hm" he hummed in his throat as he suddenly remembered what went down the previous day and in what state they now found themselves. Today he had woken up not in his same old safe relationship but instead in a somewhat paradoxical one. The rules had changed and things sort of seemed exciting, and yet still so similar. To be fair he'd been so tired yesterday and had been so relieved that things were settled that he hadn't really gone over it much in his mind since then. Now that he actually thought about it though, he found there was a kind of weirdness to the whole thing.

He could now finally go out and meet other guys, and still come back to Tweek in a safe space. It was like he had won the lottery!

Jumping up with a renewed vigour, he tore off his pyjama bottoms and hopped into the shower to scrub up and get ready for what seemed like was going to be a bright and happy day – hang the grumpy parents and detention after school.

 **Tweek**

Tweek clung to the coffee cup which shook in his hands as he tried to jump-start his brain. The sluggish remnants of the Xanax that was still pumping through his veins combined with an entire night's lack of sleep and desperate attempts not to freak out about Craig were holding him down like a rope that morning. He felt slow and lazy and altogether strung out as he sat at the breakfast table and simply tried to get himself going. Today was clearly going to be difficult though and he had no idea if he would stay awake past lunch. Actually, scratch that. There was no way his nerves were going to let him fall asleep at a time like this and so he knew all he could do was to just try and function and attempt not to look like he was going to explode at any minute. Despite being exhausted, he knew there was enough pent up energy somewhere inside him that could make him make a huge scene if he didn't keep it locked up. He simply had to do that, and of course he now had his wonder-pills at the ready to help him along if he felt he was struggling.

The idea of popping another one as he sipped at his morning brew did indeed make him feel awful and he did his best not to think about them yet. He knew there was going to come a time sometime that morning – probably as soon as he got to school – when he he'd start to want one and he dreaded the feeling of defeat that it was going to bring. Nonetheless, he also looked forward to the blessed relief if would provide.

Oh well. That was a bridge to cross when he came to it, and for now he simply had to enjoy his little everyday moment of lucidity between caffeine craving jitters and anxiety jitters which had unfortunately been noticeably diminished this morning.

"Morning, sweetie" came his mother's voice as he turned to watch her come into the kitchen.

"Morning" he replied calmly.

"How you doing today?"

"Not bad" he lied.

"Okay" she said simply before busying herself in a cabinet above the counter. There was something in her tone that seemed like it was about to lead somewhere and Tweek did not like the extra apprehension it filled him with. He simply remained silent and hoping it would not come to pass, but unfortunately for him after a few moments the inevitable questions began.

"So, I hear you and Craig are having a little trouble"

He grimaced silently.

"It's...Jesus!...It's not…"

"Just take your time, hon"

"Ngah! It's fine. We're fine now"

"Oh" she said with surprise, "I thought perhaps you were having a fight or something like that"

"What?! No!" he strained, trying not to meet her gaze. "We weren't fighting! We were just…nothing…"

"You can tell me, Tweek, if you want"

He clenched his teeth as he felt a weird pressure building up inside.

"I don't want to. We're fine now"

"Okay" she said gently but clearly not buying it. Even through his regular anxiety she still seemed to be able to notice when something else was up.

With a sigh he chugged the rest of his coffee and hopped up and out of the kitchen with a quick "gotta go" as he went. Once again it seemed he was going to have to get the bus again as he had no idea if Craig was coming or not that morning. Everything was so mixed up between them he had no idea what was normal anymore. If they were in an open relationship did that mean he didn't get a ride in the morning anymore? Was that a stupid question? Should he have called Token to see if he was getting a ride with him? If Craig was getting a ride with him then did that mean he couldn't ride in Token's car when he was there?

He stopped when he got outside the front door and steadied himself against the side of the house as he caught his breath. This sucked so much and he just didn't know if he could handle things the way there were. However, just as he'd realised yesterday when he'd agreed to this whole stupid thing, he knew he had no choice. What would happen when people began to find out about them though? What kind of pitying, judgemental glares would he receive then?

It seemed that first pill of the day was going to be slipping down his throat before he even got on the school bus. So much for self-control.

 **Craig**

Doing everything but clicking his heels, Craig practically bounded out of Token's car as they pulled up at school and sucked in a big breath of the cool, crisp morning air he found himself in.

"Jeez, man. What's gotten into you? You're all…perky" Token asked warily as he got out of his car and puzzled at his friend's very out-of-character behaviour. He'd been like that through the whole car ride. "Kenny got you taking drugs now?"

"Nope" he said with a smirk. "Just feeling good about things"

"Really?"

"Yes, really" he said, finding it funny that Token had waited until now to try to bring him down about the whole open relationship thing instead of jumping on him as soon as he'd gotten into his car. "I am finally thinking clearly again"

"Well, okay, man. Just take it easy though, okay. People will think you have a brain tumour or something"

Craig smiled. It was weird for him to be so chipper, but he didn't care. He wanted to revel in this feeling for as long as he could and felt excited about all of the possibilities that potentially waited to be explored by him.

As they walked up into the school, they chatted idly as they absentmindedly conducted the same old morning routine and remained completely oblivious to the planet-like human that lurked just inside the front door. Had Craig actually noticed him standing there he probably would have suspected he was waiting for him in particular.

"Hey, gaywads" came the whiny, fat voice and making them turn to acknowledge him. "What's going on?"

"Nothing" they both said in a very deadpan, non-engaging way.

"Whatever. You wanna go get some breakfast or something?"

The pair looked at each other confusedly.

"Why would you think we'd wanna get breakfast with you?" Craig asked.

"Jeez, guys. Just trying to shoot the shit or whatever. What's wrong with that?"

"Everything. Everything is wrong with that" Craig said - already feeling the exasperation rising within him.

"Oh, what? You still butthurt about me getting in the way of your little bathroom fuckfest with Tweek yesterday? Dude, don't even worry. There was no way I was gonna stay around and watch that. No matter how much you may have wanted me to"

"That right there why we don't wanna hang out with you. You're a liar and an asshole"

"Craig, buddy, let it go. Let's just forget about it"

"No. Fuck off" said Craig calmly but with clear annoyance, and then regretting it when he heard someone clear his throat beside him.

"Language like that before 8AM, Craig? You think that's a wise idea with your current state of affairs?"

"No, sir" he huffed as he looked down at the counsellor to whom he'd been sent yesterday.

"You wouldn't wanna wind up with the two weeks detention you actually deserve, would you?"

"No. Sorry"

"Alright. I'll let it slide. But keep a lid on that kind of potty mouth around here, okay?"

"Yes, sir"

Craig sighed as the man began to walk away and mentally kicked himself for nearly getting himself into yet more trouble. Keeping a low profile was clearly a priority for the time being and despite some teachers being genuine jackasses he knew he'd have to just take their shit if he wanted to hold onto his after school freedom. He figured he could do that.

Unfortunately, if there was some conniving fatass that wanted to screw it all up for him then that was kind of out of his hands.

"Good thing they don't know about you banging Tweek in the bathroom, huh?" Cartman mentioned just loud enough so the counsellor could hear as he was leaving. He stopped and turned around with a look on his face as if to say 'goddamn it, Craig, you just doing this to screw with me now, aren't you?'

"Cartman, I swear to God!" he growled at the chunky asshole that stood there looking sheepish.

"What? I'm just saying it's cool you managed to keep it on the down low. Oh wait. Did I just spill the beans?"

Craig turned to look back at the counsellor who was simply waiting for him to come up with something good.

"He's making that up, sir, I swear"

"I hope so, Craig. I really hope so" he replied before turning and leaving a little quicker this time, probably hoping not to catch any more snippets like what he'd just heard.

With a clenched fist and the desire to pummel the importance of not lying into the idiot who had nearly just landed him in more trouble, he turned back around to see the obese bastard hurriedly making his way along the hall and then disappearing out of sight. With a sigh, he let his tension ebb away.

"You think he's a sadist, or just a total retard?" he asked Token as they just stared at the animated hallway before them.

"Probably both" Token replied. "Shall we?"

The two carried on and did in fact end up getting breakfast – albeit not with Cartman who surprisingly was nowhere to be seen in the cafeteria. Trying to regain some of his prior spunkiness, Craig piled a plate high with bacon and pancakes and decided he didn't care if it cost more than he usually paid for the usual crap. It wasn't everyday they got bacon or pancakes or anything particularly exciting that could be passed off as food and, feeling the desire to celebrate his new relationship status, knew that this rarity was a good way to go to get that off to a good start.

 **Tweek**

Things were not going well.

As soon as he'd gotten to school the pill he'd swallowed outside his front door had begun to take effect but it hadn't been doing an absolutely wonderful job. After having taken them several times now he was used to the feeling of relief that would come once they set it, and unfortunately that made him anticipate it. He now found that the anxiety that dwelled within him never really went away but was simply hushed as he was allowed to try and carry on with his life. Granted, he was able to get through the day lazily and somewhat out-of-it, but that lingering fear was always within him and he really hated that he'd now realised that. He'd thought these were the answer, and they kind of were. The problem was he'd had more time to experience them and it seemed that what he'd thought at first wasn't in fact the real deal.

His first class had been okay and he'd managed not to let any weird sounds slip from his mouth or any pencils go flying from his hands involuntarily. His second class was when the trouble had started and he was sure it was because Cartman had been there. Not only that but he'd also planted his chunky ass next to him when he'd come in and had tried to talk to him idly. He put Tweek on edge more than usual now due to the weird things he'd been doing lately and Tweek felt extremely unsure of the situation he found himself in as he tried to concentrate on his calculus work. He did not like Cartman, that was clear to him and he really didn't like him trying to make small talk as they sat and worked. More to the point, it hadn't been long before he'd begun to drop weird things into the fairly one-sided conversation about Tweek being worth more than Craig and deserving more than him too – just like he had said yesterday. It only got worse when he began to say things about him being more attractive and more interesting as well and it wasn't long before he felt his calmness break and his hand shoot into the air.

"Mrs. Travis!" he strained through jittery teeth. "Can I go to the bathroom, please?!"

It took only a few seconds for him to jump up and away from Cartman and grab the hall pass from his teacher's hand who seemed quite taken aback with the ferociousness of the manner in which he took it from her. In an instant he was out in the hall and he ran towards the bathroom to get away from what had been putting him on edge. When he got inside, he once again found himself gripping the sink, breathing heavily and staring at himself in the mirror. He'd never really thought about it before but he did seem to do this quite often when he was having a tough moment and he wondered why teachers put up with him leaving their classes all the time. Perhaps he was just too much of a spaz to have in a lesson and it was in their best interests to get him out. Regardless of how he managed to get away with it, he often needed to be somewhere silent and empty when he felt the anxiety taking control and, despite its awful smell, the bathroom was apparently the optimum place.

Reaching into his pocket, he squeezed the bottle he carried in there tightly as he contemplated popping another pill. He'd only had one that day and knew that he should only take a couple more for the rest. He'd sure blown past that limit though since he'd started taking them and it hadn't seemed to kill him yet. Maybe he was such a nutcase that he needed a whole load more than a normally fucked up person anyway and so perhaps that was why he hadn't been knocked completely loopy just yet. Or at least he figured he hadn't. There were now several distinct gaps in his memory since he'd started popping them and that too came with its own additions to his anxiety. Fortunately for now though he was simply able to let those quietly simmer in the background as he tried to keep the other fears about Craig and the rest of the world finding out about them from boiling over. A tough task indeed, but just maybe it was manageable.

Then again, maybe not. His head snapped to the side as he heard the door open and he felt his heart practically fall through his body and hit the floor as he saw Cartman once again cornering him in the bathroom. Feeling his teeth clench and his hands begin to tremor even more, he took as steadying a breath as he could and simply waited for whatever it was Cartman had come here to do.

"Having a bad day, Tweek?" he said in his characteristic whining way.

Tweek gulped. "I'm fine"

"Come on, man. You are so not fine. Look at you. You're a mess"

That certainly did not help him to feel better about himself.

"I'm okay. Really"

"You know you can talk to me if you want. I think I can probably help you through this mess with Craig"

'How the hell do you figure that?' he thought as he pondered the prospect. He remained silent.

"I've seen him dicking on you lately" Cartman continued, "I know he's making life hard for you. I don't think you deserve that"

"What?" Tweek asked as he wondered how he'd pulled that out of his ass.

"What I mean is: I know you two are on the rocks and I figure you need a friend to get you through"

"We're friends?" he asked, meaning to make it sound more like sarcastic disbelief than an actual query.

"Sure. Don't you think we are?"

"No"

"Oh, come on, Tweek. Don't shut people out. I want you to understand that you deserve so much more than Craig. You need someone who can see how great you are?"

"What the hell are you trying to do?" he finally asked.

"Don't change the subject. You're a great guy and you don't need Craig"

Tweek had no idea what was going on or how Cartman had possibly concocted whatever it was he was talking about. He was saying things that half seemed to have no basis in reality and half seemed at least somewhat truthful. Nevertheless, it was so strange and discomforting for it to come from him and aside from the confusion there was a sickening feeling of disgust that permeated his entire body as a result of Cartman's odd and uninvited attempt at understanding and comfort. He decided he'd had enough. He'd come into the bathroom for a breather, not to be continually harassed and made to feel even more vexed.

"I love him, you know. A lot"

Cartman gave him a mixed look of scepticism and slyness.

"He doesn't love you, does he?"

Tweek's eyes widened. How the hell did he know that?

"Y-…Yes, he does" he murmured shakily.

"No, he doesn't. You know how I know? I heard him say it"

Tweek continued to stare silently. What was going on? How was all of this happening? Why couldn't Craig just barge in and save him from this fucking fatass again?

"You weren't lying?" he eventually whispered

"Huh?"

"Yesterday. In here. When you said you heard him say that"

"Oh yeah, that. Totally the truth. Heard him say it to Token"

"Oh…" was all Tweek could respond with, now realising how everyone had heard the rumour that they were breaking up. Cartman could always be counted on to embellish the truth, but then again he really didn't know exactly what he'd heard Craig saying so perhaps he'd said he was in fact considering breaking up. He really hoped not, and Craig had definitely said they weren't. Still, what if he'd said it then and not to him later when they'd talked. What if this really was just a precursor to Craig ditching him?

"You see? You can't trust him" Cartman said as he laid a hand on his shoulder which just made him feel dirty. Unfortunately he didn't have enough control of his fear to do anything about it at that moment. "The only people you can trust now are your friends. Like me"

Tweek just looked at him in disbelief and veiled disgust; still, unfortunately with not enough self control to berate him. Without saying anything else Cartman simply turned and walked out of the bathroom leaving Tweek to try and put together the pieces of what had just happened so they would make some kind of sense. Who the hell did Cartman think he was? And why, of all things, would he think that they were friends or that he would want to open up to him about his innermost feelings? It was just so damn weird and unsettling.

One thing was for sure though: the whole experience had left him feeling totally confused and grossed out and that seemed to be much more manageable than his regular jitters – even with the Xanax which, fortunately, he no longer felt he needed more of at that moment. He wasn't about to celebrate prematurely though as it probably wouldn't be long before the need returned.

 **Craig**

Nothing was going to get him down today; not the weird stares, not the snippets of rumours that were going around, not Cartman's looking for trouble earlier that morning, nothing. Things were on the up and he'd had completely enough of feeling down. That's why he pretty much just ignored everything around him and doodled on a notepad as he pushed on towards lunch throughout the morning's classes. When the time finally came he strolled with his head high towards the cafeteria and ignored any awkward glances that were sent his way. He really didn't give a crap about what other people thought or what they thought they knew about him and Tweek – although it did make him feel a little bad about how Tweek must have been handling things if he was getting just as many stares. Come to think of it, he hadn't really spoken with or messaged him since yesterday after their talk and he surprised himself with his lack of contact. Usually he always made sure Tweek was okay or simply made sure to talk to him for no reason other than just to communicate. It was strange for him not to have thought to do so and he wasn't sure what had made him forget. Was that kind of dickish?

Never mind though. It was lunch now and he could at least see his boy for the next hour and make sure he was okay – or as okay as he normally was which, to be fair, was only ever about seventy-five percent at the maximum. Pushing open the double doors of the cafeteria with bravado he stepped in almost cockily and stalked across the room full of noisy and haphazard students enjoying their hour of freedom. At their usual table he saw a bunch of his friends including Kenny, Kyle, Clyde and the familiar mess that was his boyfriend with his back turned to him. Feeling a little devious he made sure not to make too much noise as he approached and silently snuck up on Tweek before pouncing on him playfully.

Perhaps he should have known it wasn't the best idea before he'd gone ahead and done it. Perhaps predictably it resulted in the nearly full thermos cup of coffee he'd been holding jerking violently and sending its contents up into the air to splatter down all over the table along with a strained yelp of shock.

"Oh shit" Craig guffawed as he watched the scene unfold. "Sorry"

"Jeez! What the-" Tweek began before catching himself and taking a second to steady his nerves. "Hi" he eventually murmured.

"I swear it was meant to be cute" Craig said sheepishly as he watched Tweek set about wiping up the elixir that otherwise would have helped steady his shakes for the rest of the afternoon. "You got any more of that?"

"A little" Tweek replied quietly but clearly hiding that there was barely a trickle left in the thermos. It seemed he'd just have to deal with the withdrawal that afternoon. Craig hoped he made him feel at least a teensy bit better when reached across and took his hand in his and met his gaze with a kind look. He hoped it was enough to let him know he really hadn't meant to cause such a mess.

"You having an okay day?" he asked caringly.

"Sure" replied Tweek - clearly lying.

"That's good. You wanna come over to mine after school…And after detention?"

Tweek have him an almost surprised look before softening a moment later. "Yeah…I do"

Had it really been that weird of a thing to say? They usually hung out together almost every day after school so why did it seem like he'd received it so strangely. In the end Craig just brushed it off knowing there were some things about his boyfriend he may never understand and not considering that Tweek may have been having a lot more trouble under the surface. He simply put it down to the rollercoaster ride they'd been on lately as a couple and hoped it would pass after a little while. Things like this usually did and besides, he'd already decided he wasn't going to be brought down today.

The two remained hand-in-hand as their lunch hour ticked by and the regular lunch conversations took place. To the outside viewer it probably looked as if nothing was going on, and the fact that they remained so intimate – or as intimate as hand-holding could be – throughout the lunch break caused plenty of confused tittering amongst those observing them and wondering if what they'd heard about them was true. Their new arrangement didn't even come up amongst their own group though as they carried on like normal and Craig was pretty glad to find that what they'd agreed seemed to be no big deal. He was so oblivious to any kind of negative energy that he completely missed the frantic but suppressed jittering of his boyfriend as he let his eyes dart back and forth across the table and the wider room as well. He was in such a good place that he had absolutely no clue things with Tweek might have been as messy as they were. Had he taken an extra moment to consider any deeper issues then maybe he would have noticed the emotional time bomb that was Tweek ticking away beside him with enough benzos pumping through his system to chill out a bull; but no. To him everything was fine and that was good; everything had turned out exactly as he'd hoped.

The rest of the week panned out exactly like that. Craig remained oblivious to Tweek's tortured mindset as he continued to ride the wave of good-feeling he'd held all day and it only seemed to get bigger when his limited detention passed and his parents' anger tapered off from raging fury to bubbling grumpiness. He completely missed Tweek's quietened but nonetheless obvious-to-anyone-else-but-him tension and he slept soundly each night until he awoke on Saturday morning with a strange mix of excitement and nervousness.

For a short while he just lay in bed and thought about what might happen later that night when he and Kenny drove into Denver and got up to whatever mischief they would find there. More than that, today was the day Kenny said he'd be able to deliver the fake I.D. for which he'd forked out $250 – a real blow to his current funds but enough for a quick turn around according to Kenny. When he had the fake proof-of-age it kind of meant that all bets were off in regard to what he could do. With that he could go pretty much anywhere and do pretty much whatever he wanted. It was exciting but frightening at the same time because it meant crossing that threshold of being a bad boy in a monogamous relationship with a safety net to being a really bad boy off the leash and actually breaking the law. Okay, sure, he'd been drinking for a long time now and had certainly made a fair few misdemeanours – if not genuine felonies – in his time but he'd never been caught, let alone gotten into any serious trouble either with his law, or worse, his parents. Now he might genuinely be putting himself into some situation were the chance of being arrested was higher and it both worried and thrilled him. On top of all of that Tweek's jittery but loving face remained in his mind's eye and beyond all of the worry about being arrested or getting into trouble was the thought of breaking away from him and seeing how it could go with other people. It was something he wasn't entirely sure about and felt kind of crappy for doing but, of course, still wanted to do it simply for adventure. To do this meant screwing around outside of his relationship and it didn't feel great, but it also felt like so much fun at the same time. It was a conundrum for sure and was not one he ever figured he'd have an answer to until he either went ahead and did something or decided to throw in the towel before he got started.

After considering it diligently for a while he decided it all sounded just too much fun not to go for. He had never been one to wait in the sidelines and wonder what might have been. He was always the kind of guy to simply say 'fuck it' and just do whatever it was he was considering. He was a risk taker and the kind of person that was going to have a good time regardless of what anyone else might have thought or said. Life was short and he needed to see what was out there- or rather who.

He decided to keep a low profile that day and stayed mostly in his room playing video games or sketching or doing just about anything that would keep him out his parents' paths. He had neglected to mention that he'd be driving all the way to Denver later and knew that what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them until it was too late for them to do anything about it. Actually, it was more like what they didn't know wouldn't hurt him as he knew they'd probably explode if they learned he was planning not only to go so far but also use a fake I.D. to get into a bar. He'd already been in enough trouble that week for drinking – or at least for only one instance of drinking – and for getting detention as well as mouthing off to them. Them learning about what he was actually planning to do would probably see him in a coffin by Sunday evening so it was best to keep his plans on a need to know basis.

When late afternoon finally came around he shouted a brief goodbye into the house as he slipped out of the door before anyone could question were he was going. Hopping into his car he felt a devilish surge of excitement begin to permeate through his body and he couldn't believe he was actually about to do this. In a few hours time he would actually be out there in the wilderness – so to speak. He'd be free and unrestricted and could do whatever he wanted. He'd be with Kenny as well which was practically a guarantee of merciless debauchery. It was so goddamn cool!

He got across town in what seemed like a flash and soon found himself idling outside Kenny's house. He decided it might not be the best idea to freak out Kenny's mom again by showing up unannounced at their door and so fired off a quick text to let him know he was there and waiting. At the same time he decided to send a text to Tweek although when he got to his contact he didn't know what to say. He simply sat there staring blankly as he realised he hadn't even told Tweek he had plans that weren't with him, let alone plans that involved heading out of town and possibly ending up in a very messy situation. Was it wrong not to tell him? After all, they were still together. Did that mean he had to inform Tweek every time he was going somewhere that might lead to him ending up in someone else's bed than his? Probably not, right? That would just be weird. Then again, was it better to let him know about everything he did so there were no secrets?

In the end he decided he just didn't want to think about that now. He didn't want to get back to that confused, worrying place that would see him feeling down. This night was about him cutting loose and testing the waters of their new relationship; it wasn't about worrying about what things meant, or what the rules were. In the end he simply sent 'Thinking about you' and then hated himself for writing something so stupid. That was not the sort of thing he said – not ever. It was too late now though and so he stuffed his phone back in his pocket and looked out of the window as he waited for his friend.

Before long Kenny came bounding out of the house joyfully brandishing something in his hand and Craig cocked a smile when he realized what it was.

"What's goin' on, asshole?!" Kenny blabbered when he threw himself into the car and thrust what he'd been carrying into Craig's face. Craig took it gleefully and stared down at the very professional and very real looking I.D. with his picture on it that he now held in his hands.

"Dude! This is awesome!" he exclaimed as he inspected the little piece of plastic.

"I know right. But that's what you get for that much cheddar"

"I can see why. You ready to go?"

"Punch it, babe!" Kenny shouted as he reached across and ruffled Craig's hair playfully. Craig just sniggered and did as he was instructed and before long they found themselves barrelling down the highway, heading down from the mountains towards Denver. It felt so bad, but so amazingly good at the same time!

It seemed they got down from their obscure little town in far less time than it should have taken but it was probably the blur of excitement and expectation that made everything turn more fluid. After parking up, grabbing a late dinner in a pretty crappy Denny's and making themselves look presentable, the pair soon found themselves waiting in line in the cold, bathed in the soft blue light outside a pretty non-descript looking club. At first Craig had hoped they weren't going to line up at this place when he'd seen it from a distance as they'd walked down the street upon which there were many places with various different clienteles lined up outside. It seemed kind of tacky and the people lined up looked kind of trashy, but it was indeed where Kenny was dragging him and had begun to swear to its brilliance. He decided he would be the judge of that and wouldn't complain seeing as this was his first time busting into an actual nightclub. He'd gotten into places before on the chance that there was no bouncer at a bar back in South Park and his height let him get away with passing for twenty-one – or where the bartender hadn't seemed to care. This was completely different though and he couldn't help but smirk as he anticipated what was hopefully about to be an awesome night. Come to think of it, he wondered how Kenny knew about this place and he knew him well enough to know that he hadn't been reading Yelp reviews. He thought about asking how many times he'd gotten into this place before – or however many places in Denver he'd gotten into - but ultimately decided against it. There was every chance Kenny had no clue how many bars and clubs he'd been to due to copious amounts of booze blacking out his memory at each instance and he figured he wanted to be surprised.

As they waited, he thought to reach into his pocket and pull out his phone once again. Perhaps expectedly there was a message waiting from Tweek and he felt unsure as to whether he should read it. After letting his thumb hover over the waiting message icon for a few moments, he eventually rolled his eyes and decided not to be a nervous bitch. Swiping it open he read the short text that waited there:

'Thinking about you too. What are you doing? You wanna come over? My parents are here but they'll probably go to bed soon. ;)'

He smiled to himself as he thought about his boy. He was such a sweetheart and he could always count on him to make him smile. He did feel kind of bad now for not telling him what he had planned. It felt weird now to be here in this line, about to do things behind Tweek's back – or something like that. He hadn't told him but it wasn't breaking the rules. Nonetheless, he felt bad about it and-

No! No, no, no! Enough of that. He wasn't about to let his conscience ruin things. He'd come too far to allow himself to flake now and he was determined to have a good time. With that he stuffed the phone back in his pocket and set his sights forward once more. It wouldn't be long now before he wouldn't need to concentrate in order to keep his mind off of any potential guilt.

When they got to the front of the line after having waited for what seemed like forever, Craig felt every muscle in his body tighten as he handed over the newly fabricated I.D. to the extremely big and terrifying looking bouncer who was checking. Even now he was taller than the sizeable man who scrutinized the tiny plastic card but he was fairly certain he could get his ass kicked in one fell swoop if he did or said the wrong thing. After a few perilous seconds, the bouncer handed him back the card and waved he and Kenny inside. Immediately he felt his heart fall back down out of his throat and a wave of calm wash over him. That had been pretty tense and he knew he must have looked very guilty as he'd stood there. Perhaps the reason Kenny had dragged him to this loud, hot place was because he knew they were liberal on who they let in. Whatever the reason, they were in now and he chuckled to himself as Kenny grabbed him and began to pull him towards the bar.

"Didn't I tell you?! Didn't I fucking tell you?!" he yelled over the thumping dance music as he dragged Craig through the crowd. Craig just continued to smile and feel smug with himself as he was pulled up to the bar and nearly boggled at the ridiculous array of bottles he saw stacked on the back wall. They sure didn't have places like this in South Park, and it felt kind of cool to feel a million miles away from there right now.

Before he even knew what had happened, he saw Kenny forking some cash over the bar and receiving eight shot glasses in return. Craig just stared at them for a second, and then looked up at Kenny almost with confusion. Kenny simply picked a glass up in each hand and raised one into the air.

"To your freedom!" he chimed into the air as he flicked a blonde lock out of his face and giggled to himself devilishly. This was all going so fast but Craig didn't care. This was awesome. Picking up two glasses himself, he clinked them both against Kenny's and downed the fiery mess one after the other.

"Aw, man! What the fuck was that?" he groaned as he grimaced but grinned stupidly as the burning in his throat slowly subsided.

"I dunno! But keep it going!" Kenny yelled as he picked up two other glasses. Craig copied and found himself already regretting what was to come.

"What this time?"

Kenny smirked with that knowing, evil look in his eyes.

"To getting you some dick!" he shouted and making a few heads turn. Craig almost felt a blush coming on as he caught a few awkward gazes and surprised himself as he felt the tiniest twinge of embarrassment lurk within. Shaking his head and trying to ignore it, he clinked the glasses against Kenny's once again and for a third and fourth time felt the powerful liquor Kenny had bought sting his neck from the inside out.

"Oh, God!" he moaned before coughing a little and making Kenny laugh like a hyena. That little shit was clearly loving watching him get to grips with this whole new world and he could tell he was going to be put through his paces that night.

"You are such a little fuckboy!" Kenny yelled gleefully before grabbing him once again and pulling. "Come on. Let's dance!"

Before he had time to protest, he found himself being launched onto the dance floor into the heaving, grinding bodies that gyrated there in fervour. Catching himself before tripping, he turned around just in time for Kenny to step in close and begin making some moves that Craig wasn't sure whether or not were awesome or terrible. He wasn't much of a dancer himself though so he decided it wasn't really for him to judge and gradually began to let himself move in time with the thumping, electronic cacophony that nearly blew the roof off of the building.

For the next half hour, or hour, or two hours or however long it was, Craig found himself really beginning to loosen up and let go. This whole experience was so far pretty awesome and watching Kenny go nuts in that club was more than enough to drag him out of his shell. Weirdly enough, he never realised he could be so timid outside of his comfort zone and it was odd to find that he actually gave a crap about how he behaved and how he looked in this place. That wasn't him, but it wasn't discouraging. In fact, it was really interesting and he liked these strange feelings that were coming out of the woodwork. He felt completely new and as if his whole life had been put aside for the night. He felt he could do anything and no one could stop him.

Eventually, the pair of them fell off of the dance floor once again and by this time Kenny had made sure there were more than just eight shots inside of their collective bodies. By now there was a good deal of alcohol pumping through each of their systems and the urge to laugh and blabber on like a chipmunk was trouncing the desire to remain cool and collected for Craig. Kenny was just as nuts ever and was unstoppable as he yanked Craig around the club in search of something. Eventually Craig found himself being pushed down into a booth with a bunch of strangers and suddenly looked very much like a deer in the headlights when he noticed a couple of very pretty girls smiling at him. A second later he felt Kenny lean on him and lollop around tipsily.

"Craig, this is Jenna and Hannah" he blabbered as he pointed haphazardly at the girls. "Guys this is my dumbass friend, Craig. He's a fanny bandit!"

Craig shot him an unamused glare and grabbed Kenny by his collar.

"What the fuck, man! Are you trying-"

"Easy, tiger" he heard a female voice say as he turned to look for its owner. "We're all batting for the same team here"

"Oh" Craig said as he released Kenny and flickered his eyelids, not knowing exactly what to say. Kenny didn't seem to be the slightest bit taken aback at the sudden rough handling of his person and wrapped himself around Craig inappropriately before gleefully chiming into his ear,

"Isn't this so cool?! Lesbians! Hot lesbians! Dude, I'm going crazy!"

"You know, us being together means you're not invited to the party, little man" the other woman said as the pair of them watched Kenny freak out over them.

"It's fine. I'm banging this hot piece of ass anyway" Kenny said as he wrapped an arm around Craig's neck and planted a big, wet kiss on his cheek.

"Dude!" Craig cried in shock.

"Play it cool, man! This could work out awesome for me!" he strained into Craig's ear.

"We can hear you" the same girl said who had just berated him.

"Hey, there's no reason it can't all be true" Kenny surmised happily as he slipped his legs over Craig's without permission and merrily sat in his lap. Craig decided not to protest – it was simply easier.

"Well, okay, whatever" the first woman said as she turned back to Craig. "So, he said you're pretty new to this whole scene, huh?"

"Yeah. When did he talk to you?" Craig asked as he wondered when Kenny could possibly have gotten to know these girls during the time they'd already been there.

"A little while ago. He said you wanna have some fun tonight 'cos you've been dealing with a lot of relationship stuff or something?"

"Did he now?" Craig said as he once again glared at his blonde friend who simply stared back innocently.

"Yeah. So was he lying?"

Craig smiled as he thought for a second.

"Not totally. I guess I am looking to let loose a little"

"I think we can help you there" the girl said as she shared a knowing glance with her girlfriend. "This place is no good to meet the kind of guys you're looking for. We were about to head somewhere else if you wanna come with. You'll probably have way more luck with us"

"Really?" Craig asked with intrigue in a way that probably made him look completely naïve and stupid. The girls both giggled to themselves at his adorable dorkiness. "Sure. Come on, boys"

The newly formed gaggle of comrades proceeded to get up with Kenny trying his best to place himself between the two girls as they all began to leave but then being playfully removed. It wasn't long before they were all out on the street and making their way further along past a few more bars, clubs and restaurants. It felt kind of nice to be out of where they'd just come from and Craig took a moment to let his mind clear in the fresh air. Things were going really well. He was having a lot of fun and hadn't felt guilty or downtrodden once. This was everything he'd needed and he was so glad he could finally forget about all of the mess he'd been through recently. It didn't even come to mind once as he chatted and laughed along with Kenny and the two perfect strangers they'd suddenly ended up with. Instinctively, however, he brought out his phone briefly to check for anything that might have been waiting for him. As he'd expected there were some missed calls and angry texts from his parents asking him where he was and whether or not he had any idea of how much trouble he was in. Still, that had been expected and there was really nothing they could do about it. After those was, of course, another message from Tweek and he kicked himself for not replying earlier. How hard would it have been just to let him know he was okay? Was he really that much of a dick that he couldn't take a second to tell his boyfriend what was going on? God, he was a piece of work!

Pausing briefly, he began to tap away at the screen before once again pausing and looking forward blankly. What was he doing? He was either meant to be running free or letting his conscience keep him chained up. He couldn't do both. He had to choose.

"Craig? Come on! Let's get you laid, man!"

It took a second for Kenny's words to register in his conflicted mind and he simply stood there looking at the trio which had inevitably evolved to allow Kenny to be its centre. Shaking some sense back into himself, he stuffed the phone back in his pocket and marched onwards. He was not going to let his conscience ruin this for him. He was having too much of a good time and that was all that mattered.

Before long, the happy quartet were standing outside a nicer looking building with far fewer trashy people hanging around and a rainbow flag prominently fluttering out front. Above the door was a garish, glowing sign that simply said 'MANkind' in blocky, imposing letters. Craig couldn't believe how excited he suddenly felt. He'd never been in a gay bar before as he knew the one in South Park would never let him in. That was the trouble with a town like his. Someone would recognise him and have him out on his ass in a moment. Here there was no such chance and finally he could cross that threshold and see if these places lived up to their reputation.

As he was dragged into the noisy but far less animalistic bar than the one he'd just been in, he suspected he looked exactly like a timid kid on his first day of school as he simply stood and saw several pairs of eyes in the crowd inspect the gaggle of idiots that had just fallen in. As he looked, he noticed some seemed to simply turn their attention back to their own group, but a few others lingered on him for a few moments and made him feel both pleased and very self-conscious. For some reason he suddenly felt very aware of how he looked and didn't know whether to brush it off or go with it. He was definitely not the type to care about what anyone else thought of him, but now that he was being viewed as a being of physical – and hopefully sexual – appeal instead of just regular old Craig, he couldn't help but feel a little exposed. It was a strange feeling and one he wasn't entirely sure if he disliked.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Kenny asked as he shook Craig out of his stupor.

"I-…I'm sorry, what's going on now?" he asked in return, snapping back to reality.

"We're in a gay bar, asshole! Now hurry up and grind up against someone!"

Craig rolled his eyes but smiled.

"Dude, you're not even gay. How come you're so excited?"

"Hey, enough with the labels! There's no reason a hot stud like me can't worship tits but still enjoy a good handjob from a hot guy every now and then"

Craig's words caught in his throat. That was pretty much Kenny in a nutshell and so he wasn't totally flabbergasted, just caught a little off-guard.

"Alright" was all he could say before being dragged further into the fray but not without catching several more pairs of eyes on his way. He hoped he didn't look dorky. He hoped they were turning because he was cute. Or maybe it was just because he was the tallest guy in the bar and everyone was gawking. Shit. Hopefully that wasn't it.

"Here. Suck this down" he heard Kenny say before having a test tube with some pinkish liquid inside thrust into his hands.

"What is it?"

"Bitch, did I say ask questions?!" Kenny shot back

Craig just smirked again and did as he was told. Whatever it was, it was sweet and very alcoholic and he found he didn't really care about what it actually was. After it was gone he soon found himself once again being dragged towards a slightly louder area with a similarly raucous but significantly less chaotic dance floor than the other place. By now his head was beginning to swim and he loved how free he felt, both from any commitment and from any anxieties he may have momentarily had a short while ago. When they got to the dancing crowd, he instantly jumped in alongside Kenny and their new female companions and simply let his mind drift away as he gyrated. He wasn't an amazing dancer, but he wasn't terrible either and the thumping but somewhat more enjoyable music that was playing in this bar helped him to float into a happy and excited whilst pretty boozy haze. He had no idea if this was what he'd wanted from his new deal with Tweek, but it felt great and so it must have been a good thing.

After another long while dancing and enjoying himself, Craig snapped himself back to reality and noticed he'd drifted away from his friends. Now he wasn't in any particular group but it seemed the dancing bodies around him had taken note of his imposing, towering presence. No one seemed to find him at all strange; in fact, it was quite the opposite. People – or more specifically mostly guys – seemed to be inspecting him in a half-friendly, half-leering way and he found it pretty cool. He never really took notice of other people checking him out but now that he gave it some thought he found it made him feel kind of shy and proud at the same time. If they thought he looked good then he wasn't going to worry about shying away too much. So, with a shrug to himself, he decided to turn to some of the more interested guys that were dancing around him and, without talking, just seemed to slip into the rhythm. It was strange but after a little while he found a couple of them getting a little more handsy than he had expected. It was so unfamiliar to him to be touched in such a way – could he say lustfully? Tweek never really got handsy like this. He was more of the delicate and nervous type. This was way more like pure, sexual desire with no regard to worrying about the anonymity of the whole situation. He had no idea who these guys were but that just didn't seem to matter. It was new, and it was bad, and it absolutely thrilled him.

Feeling himself getting pretty hot and desperately needing to pee, he separated himself from the badly-behaved boys that seemed to be enjoying him immensely and made his way to the edge of the crowd. Finding himself staggering a little, he made his way past a few of the wallflowers and less-animated groups towards the bathroom and stepped away from the racket as he entered the quieter but no better-lit bathroom. Taking a moment to steady himself, he looked up after a moment to see a few guys hanging around in the bathroom and who once again appeared to look him up and down and size him up as he looked back sheepishly. Deciding not to pay it much heed due to his swirling brain, he tottered over towards a vacant stall and stepped in – neglecting to lock the door behind him as he directed what remaining brainpower he had available to the task at hand. Reaching down and unzipping his fly, he pulled himself out and did the best job he could of aiming towards the bowl before him. As he peed, he smiled to himself as he thought about what he'd gotten up to that night and how everything had been so fun. It was so cool that this had all happened and he knew he'd have to thank Kenny for making his first little foray into the world away from Tweek so enjoyable. Then again, maybe not. After all, that blonde numbskull had once again gotten him pretty drunk and he had absolutely no clue how they were going to get back to South Park later considering the state of inebriation they were both in. Oh well; that would be a bridge to cross when they came to it.

Hearing a little scuffle behind him, he went to look around as he finished up doing his business but then found himself stumbling a little as he was bumped from behind. Steadying himself against the wall as he almost fell forward, he whipped his head around to see one of the guys he'd just been dancing with having come into the stall and locking the door behind him. The guy was pretty cute with chestnut brown hair, blue eyes and a really nice tan, but must have been about twenty-five. He had a smouldering look in his eyes and Craig just stared in confusion for a moment as his drunk brain tried to figure out what was going on. He then flinched as he remembered his dick was still hanging out of his jeans.

"Fuck" he grumbled as he turned and began to stuff himself away again.

"Hey, hold on there" he heard the guy say before feeling some arms snake around him. "Don't be greedy. Share the goods, hun"

"What?" Craig asked dumbly as he gawked at the guy, still wondering if he hadn't known the stall was occupied.

"Come on, babe. I saw the way you were looking at me out there. Let's have some fun"

"What do you-" Craig began before clamming up and letting his eyes open wide as he realised what this guy meant. Was he serious? "I don't…I should…"

"Sure we should. Why not?" the guy said as he stepped forward and grabbed Craig's junk firmly through the front of his jeans and made him gasp at the sudden touch.

"I…I…" was all he could say as his whole body tensed up.

"Don't worry, cutie. I'll take care of you" the guy said as he pulled the zip of his pants down again and slowly but determinedly reached inside to rub the front of his boxers. Craig felt his breathing pick up as he was unexpectedly massaged and he couldn't help but feel a small pang of muffled panic shoot through him as he was pushed back against the wall. Before he knew what was happening, he felt the button on his jeans being popped open and then having them pulled down to his knees as the guy apparently about to service him crouched down and ran his hands up to his hips. Craig just stared down in disbelief. He had never expected this to happen and he really didn't know whether to bolt out of the stall and run back to South Park or stay and let happen whatever was about to happen.

"You okay?" the guy in front of him said as he looked up and noticed Craig looking like he'd seen a ghost.

"I've…never done this before" he said almost silently.

"Oh my God! You've never fucked?"

"Oh, God, no, not that. I've fucked plenty. I've just…never…"

"Been sucked off by a stranger in a bathroom stall?" the guy asked with a smirk and making Craig nervously bite his lip with a single nod. The guy just smiled sweetly and cocked his head slightly as he looked up at him. "Well, you sure you wanna?"

Craig just stared down having absolutely no clue what he wanted – although it seemed his dick had certainly tried to communicate to him its choice by rapidly hardening and making a very prominent tent in the front of his underwear.

"W- What's your name?" he asked after a few silent moments, not knowing what else to say.

"Does it matter?" the guy replied with a sly smile.

Craig simply closed his mouth and looked down at the front of his underwear as he tried to think, but it seemed the guy perceived it simply as permission to carry on. Gradually, he slipped his fingers under the waistband of Craig's underwear and edged down the boxer shorts towards where his pants rested around his knees. With a bounce, his very insistent boner popped free from its cloth prison and stood proudly and ready for business as the guy inspected him. He seemed pretty impressed with Craig's size and apparent level of excitement and, with the same sly smile that he'd had the whole time, gradually began to get to work. Craig gasped as he felt the tip of his dick slip into the guys warm, wet and clearly very experienced mouth. Pretty soon he felt his head begin to spin as the guys tongue expertly stroked his meat and he almost began to pant as waves of pleasure started to shoot from his crotch to every other corner of his body. Biting his lip again, he moaned quietly as the guy continued to engulf his member and then began to flick his tongue around on his cockhead, and without consciously doing so he worked his hand into the guy's hair. For a little while longer, Craig simply stood there in ecstasy with his eyes closed and greatly enjoying the job the guy was doing on his junk, but before long he felt the inevitable flurry of excitement and pleasure build up and get ready to explode. With an impassioned but muffled groan, he barely had time to grunt out a strained "Oh, fuck!" before suddenly spurting forth and shooting cum deep into the brown-haired stranger's mouth, who moaned hungrily in return as he gulped it down and squeezed his balls as their pumping gently ebbed away. Craig listlessly stood there as his mind spun more than it had all evening and he lost every modicum of control over his own mind. It was only when he noticed the guy stand up in front of him that he managed to regain even the tiniest bit of brainpower and steady his breathing once again.

"That was…wow…" he breathed as he slowly pulled his pants back up again and suddenly felt pretty embarrassed over what he'd just done. That had been amazing but for the love of God, what could he have been thinking? He had just let himself get sucked off in a gay bar bathroom by a complete stranger. Was he pleased or disgusted with himself?

"That's quite a dick you got there" the guy said as he wiped his mouth with his hand. "You maybe wanna come back to mine so I can play with it some more?"

"I…No…" Craig guffawed, "I mean, not that I…not that you're…my friend's here…I'm not from Denver…we've gotta…um…"

The guy just laughed at his dorkiness. "It's okay. Don't worry about it. But, hey, gimme your phone"

Craig innocently reached into his pocket, unlocked it and handed it over. He watched as the guy tapped around on the screen for a moment or two and then took it when it was offered back to him.

"If you're ever around here again or you wanna get together sometime then just gimme a call"

Craig gawked and simply continued to look like the dumbest person in the world as he clasped his phone in his hands and then blushed when the guy giggled at him again. His eyes went wide again when his face was grabbed and a quick kiss was planted on his lips and then, with a small wave, the guy opened the door and slipped out. Craig was left alone to deal with the mental aftermath of what he'd just let happen and all he could do was simply stand there and burn a hole in the stall door with his eyes. He wanted to laugh, and grimace, and jump around and slap himself in the face, and high-five himself, and bang his head against the wall, all at the same time. There was absolutely no way he could figure out how he felt about getting an anonymous blowjob in a strange bathroom and he found all he could do after a few moments of trying to think was look down at his phone and the number of the guy he'd just enjoyed. Looking down at the new contact, he shook his head in disbelief as he read the name 'MANkind Tommy'.

Oh for fuck sake! What had he been thinking? It was both awesome and terrible and he just couldn't help but snigger to himself. This was possibly the sleaziest thing he'd ever done and he couldn't deny he felt a small sense of pride. Perhaps it pertained to his overwhelming, constant desire to go against the grain or do something to make sure nobody could consider him well-behaved, but whatever the case this felt like a real gratification for both that and his ego. He'd just picked up some stranger in a bar. Whilst pretty drunk. On a fake I.D. At 17. He was kind of a stud! Or a slut. Or both. It didn't matter. It just seemed so cool but also bad but either way it had been a lot of fun. Perhaps this was in fact what he'd been looking for: the opportunity to be really bad and say a much bigger big fuck you to everyone and everything than ever before. Yes, indeed-y! Fuck everything! He was a badass and he was actually pretty fucking pleased with himself.

 **Tweek**

He sat in the dark clutching his phone and staring at nothing. He'd been doing the same thing for hours, only briefly looking down every now and then when he thought perhaps he'd felt the device buzz. Each time he had been disappointed to find nothing; no messages, no calls, nothing.

Where the hell was Craig? Why hadn't he responded to his message? He hadn't wanted to send a barrage of texts asking his whereabouts as he knew that would make him worry, but that was what he'd been wanting to do all evening. He just wanted to know what Craig was doing, or that he was close by. The week had just been awful and he desperately wanted to be with his boyfriend – or semi-boyfriend if that's what he now in fact was – so they could pretend everything was as it had been.

He'd decided he hated this new arrangement, but what else could he do? He didn't want an open relationship. He wanted Craig all to himself despite knowing it was incredibly selfish. Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was okay to demand someone be entirely yours and no one else's when you were in a serious relationship. He just wanted him so badly!

He didn't love him back though. That stupid, fucking, douchey, asshole, amazing, wonderful, perfect bastard didn't love him back. God, he wished he knew what to say to him to make him love him. The only thing he knew to be true was that his heart was pleading for Craig to love him and yet there was simply nothing he could do to make it so. He needed Craig so badly, but Craig clearly didn't need him quite as much. He needed more, and Tweek knew he wasn't enough. He was inadequate. He was worthless. He was unlovable and he hated himself. And he hated Craig. No, he loved Craig so much.

God fucking damn it! He just hated everything so much! He hated not having Craig there with him! He hated being alone with only his jittery, terrified and all-out batshit crazy self! That's what it was going to be from now on though; he was always going to be alone, sitting in the dark, with only his tortured, freaky mind to keep him company. He had no one. He had nothing. He was nothing.

He felt his teeth grit as he gripped the empty pill bottle that lay on the bed sheet next to where he sat. It had been empty for about a day now and he's been having a really tough time trying to hold onto his sanity. For now it seemed he'd just have to be miserable and jittery like always.

He fucking hated his life.

 **Craig**

Walking up to the front door of one of the few diners in town, Craig wore a satisfied smirk as he swaggered into the eatery. He'd only been back in South Park for a few hours after having finally agreed with Kenny that he'd been okay to drive. The previous night had seen them end up in some God-awful motel not far from the bar where he'd been taken care of but not before they were practically thrown out of the place at closing time. It hadn't taken long for Kenny to break him and make him admit what had happened. Needless to say his companion had practically gone nuts with joy over the news although he didn't spare any chance to jokingly call him a whore. In any case, he'd felt pretty pleased with himself before he'd fallen into the terrible bed and then awoke several hours later in a haze and weirdly entwined with Kenny. It had taken a few hours more for them to get their heads together and then get back on the highway. The journey had been easy and uneventful though and, after a quick dip into home to shower, change and get yelled at by his parents, he now found himself meeting up with Tweek as he'd agreed that morning by text.

Walking past several tables, he eventually saw his boyfriend sitting hunched up at a table with a coffee cup gently vibrating in his shaky hands and staring anxiously out of the window. Had Craig not been on a cloud of self-satisfaction and swagger he might have noticed the tired, almost bedraggled look his boyfriend wore and, unbeknownst to him, Tweek's reaction to him falling in next to him was noticeably slower and with less terror.

"Hey, boo" he teased as he placed a kiss on the tense but sleepy boy.

"Hey" Tweek replied raspily, "What's going on?"

"Oh, not much" he said wryly.

"Where were you last night?"

"I went out with Kenny"

"Without us? Without me?" Tweek said with surprise and a hint of hurt in his voice at the prospect of being left out.

"No, no. We went to Denver. Hit up a couple of bars. Met some-"

"Bars?!" Tweek squeaked. "How did you get into bars?"

With no less grandeur, Craig reached into his pocket in fished out his wallet. He then pulled out his new fake I.D. and brandished it proudly in front of his boyfriend who stared back at it in horror.

"Craig! Where did you get that?!"

"Kenny has his ways. I figured it was a good investment"

"How much was it?"

"Two-fifty"

"Two hundred and fifty dollars?! Are you crazy?!" Tweek nearly shouted.

"Hey, hey, shh. Don't let everyone hear. Besides, there's no way anywhere would've let us in without it"

"Well…where did you go?"

"Couple of places. Pretty cool gay bar"

"A gay bar? With Kenny?"

"Hell, he practically dragged me in there. He's pretty off-the-chain when he gets going. He's a real animal"

"Well, yeah…" Tweek asked without a lot of certainty. He didn't really know what to think about it all. After all, Craig had gone to a bunch of bars without him and probably gotten totally drunk yet again. What could that have led to?

"Did you…meet anyone?" Tweek asked after a moment's contemplation.

"Yeah, some people"

"Oh…" he replied with a gulp. "Anyone…nice?"

"Yeah, sure. They were nice" Craig replied as he looked around for a waitress.

"Anyone…really nice?"

"Yeah, I mean, sure. Really nice"

"No, I mean…anyone really, really nice?"

"What are you getting a-…Oh" Craig said as he suddenly realised what Tweek meant. He looked away briefly as he cleared his throat and tried to suppress a smile. "Well, sure. There was one guy"

Tweek felt his heart rate pick up and did his best to resist the urge to hyperventilate. He found himself gripping the table as he forced the next few words out.

"Did you do anything…you know…?"

Craig didn't really know what to say. On the one hand he kind of wanted to brag but on the other hand he knew Tweek might not take it that well. He didn't want to upset him but he still had that voice in his head telling him to forget about all of that. Open relationship: new rules. This was okay. It was definitely okay; after all, Tweek knew what their deal was.

"Yeah, a little" he replied quietly.

"A little?!" Tweek strained. "What do you mean?"

"You know…we had a little fun"

"Fun?! What fun?!"

"Just…you know…fun"

"Did you do him?!" Tweek shot across the table as he felt himself about to explode.

"No, no…Just, messed around a little in the bathroom"

"In the bathroom?! Oh, Jesus!" he said as he looked down at his lap and tried to take measured breaths. Who the hell was this guy sitting next to him?

"Well, yeah. I mean…I wanted to try it"

"You wanted to fuck a stranger in the bathroom?!"

"No! I mean…we didn't fuck…" Craig said quietly as he looked around, hoping no one could hear what his boyfriend was trying to squeeze out.

"Then what?! What did you do?!"

Craig sighed conflictedly. Nonetheless, he remained true to the convinced voice telling him to stand by his decision.

"He sucked my dick"

"Oh…" Tweek said as he felt his eyes begin to burn. There was no way he was going to handle this well and he needed to get out of there.

"You boys ready to order?" came a voice from above, making the two look up to the waitress who now stood expectantly at their table.

"I'm sorry. I'll be back in a minute" Tweek whispered as he got up and made his way towards the bathroom.

 **Tweek**

As he neared the door he suddenly noticed somebody enter through the back entrance and decided to run outside instead. Even in the cold, fresh air he felt he couldn't catch his breath and he still felt unbelievably exposed and afraid. With barely enough power in his legs to move, he somehow managed to make his way around the back of the diner and steadied himself against the wall. Standing there, the freezing air stabbing at his lungs as he inhaled fast and deep, he desperately began to dig in his pocket as he searched for the new pill bottle he'd picked up that morning.

Without a second thought, he ripped the container open and stuffed one of the pills into his mouth, before swallowing it dry and then desperately searching for even the tiniest shred of willpower that might help him survive the next ten minutes or so before the drug kicked in.

"What the fuck is that?" he heard a condemning, moaning voice say making him look up in fear. Before him stood the kids that were universally known around their town as the Goth kids. They scared the hell out of him and he usually did all he could to keep away from them. He knew they thought he was a freak and he always tried to keep away so they might not direct their loathing of everyone and everything towards him. Unfortunately at this very moment he had absolutely no energy to spare to run away. He was already drained over the horrible thought of some awful stranger sucking his boyfriend's dick in some nasty bathroom and every ounce of strength he had left was being directed towards holding back a panic attack. That was not the Craig he knew. He couldn't bear the idea of him doing anything sexual with anyone other than him. It was just so wrong.

"I think it's that Tweek kid" came another of the voices. "Total fucking freak"

"What the hell is it doing? Looks like it's dying" said the first one.

"I-…I'm sorry" Tweek squeaked through his tortured breaths as the pill bottle shook like a maraca as he tried to place it back in his pocket.

"What you got there?" the black-clad Goth kid who had first noticed him said as he flicked away his cigarette and stepped forward. Tweek tried ever more frantically to put the pill bottle out of sight but it was no use. He was far too jittery to function.

"It's just my meds. I need them" he mumbled as he looked down.

"What is it?" the kid said with intrigue.

"It's just…Xanax"

"Xanax, huh?" he said as he looked around at his friends who also perked up at the mention of the drug. "You must be pretty fucked up"

'You have no idea' Tweek thought but was too afraid to say. He desperately hoped he wasn't about to be mugged for his little miracle-pills and he knew there was no chance the pharmacy would give him another month's supply so soon. He'd just have to let happen whatever was about to happen though. There was absolutely no way he'd be able to fight them off if they were about to rob him and to be honest, as long as the pill he'd just taken was about to kick in, he could at least manage for the next short while.

"You know, if you mix those with alcohol you can really trip balls"

Tweek looked up at the kid who now stood in front of him. He didn't know what to say.

"Did you know that?" the kid asked again with a look of intrigue about him.

"I didn't" Tweek said timidly and then leaving the air silent between them, wondering what they were getting at.

"Firkle" the tallest kid said as he turned to look at the shortest one. "You still got that bourbon?"

The kid silently got up and wandered over towards them with the other two Goths in tow. As they came over, the short kid presented a bottle filled with amber liquid he'd been carrying somewhere and in a moment they were all standing around Tweek who suddenly began to click onto what they were getting at.

"So, how about it, jitters? You help us out, we'll help you out"

"You want my Xanax?" Tweek asked uncertainly.

"Just a couple of pills each, and you can have some of this" the tall kid said as he took the bottle from his friend and held it out.

Tweek was so unsure. What the hell was he supposed to do?

After a moment, his mind once again settled on Craig and the pain he once again felt inside. The revelation he'd heard just minutes ago was still fresh in his mind and it pained him so much. How dare Craig do this? How dare he run off to some skank in a bar and mess around with him – open relationship or not? It sucked! It fucking sucked and he hated it. This was not the way things were meant to be. Everything was fucking screwed and he hated it.

Delving into his pocket once more, he pulled out the bottle and opened that cap. Without saying a world, he shook a couple of pills into each of the hands of the Goth kids that now stood around him and tentatively took the bottle as it was offered to him. With a strained breath, he didn't think twice as he placed the bottle to his lips and took a good long drink from the bottle in his hand.

"Jeez! Save some for the rest of us!" the girl Goth spat as she ripped the bottle away from him and looked at the now half-empty vessel. Tweek barely had time to think about any of that as his throat began to burn like a furnace from the acrid bourbon. It was quite possibly the worst sensation he'd ever felt – other than the pain Craig had been causing him lately – and he groaned as he tried to deal with the stinging drink.

"Kid, you're gonna be so damn drunk" the tall Goth said as he too looked at the bottle. "But whatever. We don't care. You ever wanna make a trade again though then just come find us"

"Tweek?" came Craig's voice from behind them, making Tweek turn and look at him worriedly. Craig just took in the sight of his boyfriend surrounded by the terrifying-looking coven that he too kept away from.

"What the fuck do you want, Craig?" the tall kid spat at him.

"Just my boyfriend" the even taller Craig replied as he stepped forward imposingly.

"Looks like he needs someone to drag him off to a mental hospital"

"Don't fucking talk about him like that" Craig said as he came alongside Tweek and placed his hands on him.

"And what are you gonna do if I do?"

Craig just gave him a steely, warning glare and let him know it wasn't a good idea to go any further. The Goth kids simply scoffed at his bravado and slunk away after a few moments of standoff and pretty soon Tweek and Craig were left alone behind the diner.

"What's going on, Tweek? What was that?" Craig eventually asked as he turned Tweek's face to look up at him.

"I was just…I couldn't handle it" he replied softly.

"Well…I'm sorry. But we said this was okay, right? That stuff"

"I…Yeah, but…"

"But what?"

"I don't know. I just couldn't listen to it. It freaked me out. I didn't know what to do"

"Well, what am I supposed to do here, man? I mean, you told me you were okay with it. Do you just want me not to talk about it? That stuff? You know, if it happens?"

"I…I don't know…"

Craig sighed.

"Look, I don't want you to be upset but you told me you were okay with this and I still wanna do it. Please don't change your mind now"

Tweek was speechless. That was exactly what he wanted to do but here was Craig telling him not to. What could he possibly do?

After a long moment of silence, Craig sighed once again and then piped up.

"You wanna go back inside? Get something to eat?"

"No" Tweek said stoically. "I'm not feeling so good. Can you just take me home?"

"You sure?"

"Yes, please"

A car ride and an awkward kiss later, Tweek found himself closing his front door behind him. It was now about fifteen minutes since he'd downed that horrible booze the Goth kids had offered him and only about a minute or two extra since he'd taken the pill. They hadn't been lying when they said he'd trip balls and by now the concoction was beginning to hit him harder than usual. Not that he ever drank, but he was well acquainted with the way the pills hit him by now and he was certain that the alcohol was multiplying that ten-fold.

Soon he found himself lying on his bed in a very relaxed, almost anaesthetized haze that was darkening his vision and slowing his breathing noticeably. He didn't care though as the pain was now dampened hugely. It was still there and it still hurt but he could manage it again now and, more to the point, this mix of alcohol and benzos was kicking the pain's ass. Perhaps even more so it was kicking his own ass and it felt pretty good. Or did it? Maybe it didn't. It just felt so incredibly numb – more than he'd felt before – and it felt like the feeling he needed at that moment.

Everything had become so unmanageably terrible that all he wanted was to feel empty. Thankfully, he'd managed that and he knew that even though this level of numbness was worrying, he didn't care. At times like these this was how he was going to deal with the pain from now on. Perhaps it wasn't for every time, but now he knew that this feeling was possible he wasn't about to let it not be revisited when he needed it. This was an escape like no other and it made him feel right. No jitters, no fear, nothing. This was just emptiness and it felt great. Craig couldn't hurt him in this place, no one could. No one could get to him and no one could scare him or upset him. He was free and he was safe – at least for now.

Pretty soon the darkness crept in and he jumped into the great black abyss that was drug-fuelled oblivion. He swam joyfully in the inky blackness until his last slivers of consciousness evaporated and he finally fell into the blessed unconsciousness he'd been craving.

 **Sheesh, that was long! Sorry for the nearly 15,000 words. I probably should have broken it up into two but ehh…**

 **Review if you liked it! Also, bug me if it takes ages and ages to get another chapter out. It might be what I need to keep writing.**

 **Ta. x**


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